Numbness and Dissociation Updated

[Uglyducklin]

I'm sorry to make another thread. I'm just so numb the only thing that breaks through is being fat and body shame I'm numb to everything else. The cord feels like it has been cut the world feels far away . I cried Monday night and have been utterly numb ever since. I'm cutting just to feel and I wish there was nothing left. I don't feel empty I know there are things I should look forward to but I feel dead. I keep wanting to buy pills. The trauma images and flashbacks don't cause me to feel. I'm so scared by my lack of emotion does anyone else get this?

[RescueIsPossible]

Yeah I've been in that state before I found textures helped me alot . Talk to a therapist maybe?

[Uglyducklin]

Thanks Halie I'm going to try to tomorrow xx

[Uglyducklin]

I am so numb and sleep deprived . I have a headache so at least I'm feeling something. I have an appointment with my eating disorders nurse this afternoon and I'm giving her a list of all the stuff I left out over the last few months. It is really long.

[RescueIsPossible]

At least you are being honest. Hang in there hun. You can do this.

[Uglyducklin]

Thanks I'm still numb. I just disclosed something I keep thinking thank god I'm not feeling anything ! How are you ?

[CoffeeCrystal92]

I am also emotionally numb and used to cut so I would be able to experience something. When I was a teen, I used sex to help me feel something, now that I am 24, I am so used to feeling empty, I used to feel anger but now nothing. I take medication to help stabilize my moods but I don't thinks it's doing anything now. I have been tempted to SH but to replace SH I started smoking. I don't know what the difference is but, whatever. Hang in there and feel free to PM me if you would like.����

[Uglyducklin]

Hi Crystal Star thank you so much for your reply it has helped me feel less alone. After being so numb the emotions around the incident I disclosed hit me like a ton of bricks and I ended up sobbing last night. I'm back to numb again and I'm exhausted I have to go on a course but I can barely think straight. Xx

[Arienette]

My confort blanket helped me imwith this state before. I can see why cutting can help but please don't.

There are other ways out of this state.

[Uglyducklin]

Thanks Arienette I just feel beyond numb and exhausted. I have had some thoughts around what happened and feels horrific I don't know what to do beyond try to keep a lid on until Tuesday :(

[Arienette]

Can you talk to your therapist or samaritans.

Have you dont sensation grounding.

Ive had it where i thought i was a robot made of plastic before i was that numb. Its horrible so i indmerstand where youre coming from. X

[Uglyducklin]

Thanks Arienette I'm trying but it is hard to sustain. I feel awful and like I should be able to cope and hate myself for feeling I'm drowning. I hope you are ok and your reply means so much.

[Arienette]

You can only cope as best as you can. As long as you know you're trying your best.

Xx

[Uglyducklin]

Thanks I'm just so guilty and ashamed.

[RescueIsPossible]

Low on words but as always I'm here for you message me if you just need to talk things through I know that helps me when I message you stay safe

[Uglyducklin]

Thank you Hailie I hope you are ok xx

[Uglyducklin]

I don't know all of sudden I'm no longer numb and I keep bursting into tears. The shame and disgust is too much. I'm having overdose urges too. I don't how to be in this fat body. I need to make it go away. I don't how to live with what it all means. Sorry I'm such a fat waste of space.

[Arienette]

You're not a fat waste of space.

It's like the beach ball effect. The longer your suppress it the harder it hits you in the face. Let it go. Go with it. Xx

[Uglyducklin]

Thanks Arienette it feels awful xx

[Arienette]

It will do. Grab a surfboard and ride the wave Hun.

X