My ex has depression and anxiety and I don't know how to deal with it!

[ssc]

Hey guys,

I'm new to this so I'm still trying to figure out how this works- bare with me!

My boyfriend and I recently broke up as I found out he was suffering from a combination of anxiety and depression (he had recently lost his job, his family are just generally nasty to him and I'm sure there's a lot more I don't know).

I'm not going to pretend I know it all but I have been in contact with close family and friends who are suffers of depression and I know the kinds of things to look out for and what to expect (pushing people away, argumentative, ambivalence etc).

I decided to stick by my ex and try and help him through it by just offering my support when needed and reminding him that he is worth so much but I've been more than pushed away. I've decided to let him come to me when necessary as I pressured him a lot at the beginning because I felt I needed to be there all the time and it really didn't help him. He has checked on me almost weekly since and never fails to express his love for me.

It's getting really hard for me now though as I feel like I can't express how I feel as I have to hold myself together for his sake. If I cry he will put the phone down as it makes him upset and if I'm happy he will tell me hes happy I'm moving on but at the same time he will indirectly complain.

I was wondering if anyone with depression and/or anxiety could help me understand what their experiences have been like, especially in relationships and the things you could suggest I could do in order to help this ex of mine. I really do love him and I understand that these things do happen to people and will probably happen to most of us at some point in our lives. I wanted to stick by him as a girlfriend but he wouldn't let me. I appreciate his effort to put me first but I really do believe I have a diamond and would love to hear all of your opinions on this situation about how I could manage this.

Thank you all! x

[Sentient Treacle]

Just to clarify, are you planning on getting back with him when he's a bit more stable? Or are you planning to remain just friends?

I think it sounds like he's too dependent on you and it's running your own health into the ground. Even if you are planning on getting back together, maybe some time apart would help you both to learn to cope better, there is a fine line between supporting and having a relationship become dependent.

[ssc]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sentient Treacle

Just to clarify, are you planning on getting back with him when he's a bit more stable? Or are you planning to remain just friends?

I think it sounds like he's too dependent on you and it's running your own health into the ground. Even if you are planning on getting back together, maybe some time apart would help you both to learn to cope better, there is a fine line between supporting and having a relationship become dependent.

I really want to get back with him and it seems as though he is fighting the urge not to get back with me in order to prevent his situation from dragging me down. I don't think hes dependent on me as such but he does come to me when he misses me or to check how I am generally now and again.

I just feel like, us not being together isn't really helping the two of us as I know I make him happy and he misses me and visa versa. And I know he secretly hates it when I'm happy and doing well on my own and throws a bit of a tantrum when I'm near any other guy but fails to see I am here for him. I think I deserve a bit of credit for facing his anxiety and depression with him and dealing with the backlash of it (i.e. mood swings, arguments etc). I'm not sure how else to support him and make him understand that I will support him?

[JDGMM]

Ugh, oh no :(

Hi SSC, I had written a post in here to answer some of your questions, and share my story, as i'm in the same boat as you, but my post was long, and when I hit the send button, my session timed out lol. I will try again tomorrow.

[ssc]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JDGMM

Ugh, oh no :(

Hi SSC, I had written a post in here to answer some of your questions, and share my story, as i'm in the same boat as you, but my post was long, and when I hit the send button, my session timed out lol. I will try again tomorrow.

Aww thank you that means a lot! Private message me if you'd like to and you get a chance so we can have a chat :) hope you're well x