i was doing really well.. was stable not harming nothing for 2 months. then it all went to **** and i harmed twice in one week, had a crappy therapy session, lied to her and said i hadnt harmed when i really had
i just feel like i have completly failed at everything... wanting to do bad things. my mind is going a mile a minute and im having alot of halucintaions... im scared of telling therapist whats going on because then she will put off emdr even longer.
i told sissy(my best friend) and sondra (my other friend i met through here but she doesnt come on anymore) i harmed and they were both upset with me
feel like i screw up....
none of this probally makes any sense... might delete..
edit 3/1/16
so ive been scared to tell anyone but last week i started hearing voices telling me to hurt others.... im scared of them adn dont really know what to do...
Last edited by RescueIsPossible : 02-03-2016 at 03:16 AM.
Reason: adding
Nope , Please don't delete Hun , Can you be honest with your therapist at your next meeting?
I'm sorry you are hallucinating , what sort of thing are you experiencing?
I'm sorry I don't really know what a emdr is?? Why would your threapist put it off?
You're not a screw up at , Halie *Glomps*
I'm still not comfortable in my skin and the anasthetic's slowly wearing thin - Otep
Everyones lost but me! - Indiana Jones
It's okay , they know me here .
Kahlia1981 is my adopted little sister :)
''Courage doesn't always roar , sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow"
im scared to tell her i really did harm as she might be mad and hurt me...
i see shadows (which scares me alot) and an old man (who doesnt really bother me)
its a therapy aimed at ptsd and she said i have to be stable before we start and cant have hallucinations or it can end badley like her having to call ambulance.....
Well , you probs should tell her , if you start it whilst you are too unwell the ptsd therapy soon it sounds like it really could be detrimental to your health , you don't wanna end up in an ambulance.
I'm still not comfortable in my skin and the anasthetic's slowly wearing thin - Otep
Everyones lost but me! - Indiana Jones
It's okay , they know me here .
Kahlia1981 is my adopted little sister :)
''Courage doesn't always roar , sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow"
i hate anyone being mad.... get scared they will hurt me.... so now im upsest and seeing more shadows and just cant calm down.... wanting to do bad things... but know i shouldnt..... i need help.... but dont know who to turn to
Last edited by RescueIsPossible : 28-02-2016 at 02:24 AM.
Reason: added more
Have you ever been taught any distraction techniques for when you are dealing with extreme emotions? If so it might be worth using them when you are angry.
So kinda coping today but not very well... Wanting to just curl in ball and die. Havent talked to sondra since she got mad about the harming. Tried texting her but she hasnt responded... Not that i deserve friendship anyway... And with telling therapist everything i know i should. I just at the same time really want to start the emdr i want so badley to get better. I want to be normal.... Something i havent been in a very long time.... Part of me hates myself for even waking up today.....
You are not stupid at all. You do deserve friends. Maybe you could try writing down a note to give to your therapist about what you want to say to help you feel less nervous. Hugs xx
“The only way that we can live is if we grow. The only way we can grow is if we change. The only way we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we are exposed is if we throw ourselves into the open.”
I will probally write it down in my therapy notebook that i use in therapy as sometimes i cant say something but i can write it down and give it to her
They say i do deserve friendship too but i dont feel like i do because i can be mean and i mess up alot
Having a very angry day today. Wanting to just shut down and harm.... But need to go put ducks outside, clean the inside duck cage, take care of the horses and work one of them, do laundry, and work on my pape. Just cant seem to get motivated
On bright side last night i had a big accomplishment for me. I had to ride home alone with my friends boyfriend who i hadnt even met until like 5 minutes before we left. I didnt freak out and had a nice conversation.
