So the other day I found out I was pregnant for the second time. I do have a very active 2 and half year old already who is everything to me and wouldn't change him for anything. I also have an amazing partner who I would do anything for and vise versa.
I don't know how far I am for definite but working it out on a pregnancy calculator thing it says I'm about 9 weeks which is further than I would like to be.
Due to our current circumstances we both know it really wouldn't be viable keeping this baby. I would live it to be but I know that financially we would struggle to much and we knock we that our little boy needs us and our support a lot more now due to learning to talk and potty training. We feel that having a new baby just before his 3rd birthday would delay his development more than it is delayed already.
Just being pregnant for this short time has already affected him as I have lost my temper with him a lot more due to feeling so rough, which I didn't get when pregnant with him.
My big dilemma is that even though I know it really is the best thing for my little family I still want to be selfish and refuse to get rid of it and take the risk.
I'm not planning on changing my mind about it as I have spent the past few days mentally preparing myself to be able to go through with it.
I have read that sometimes it can take about 3 weeks for an actual appointment to get the deed done after your gp has referred you which I don't know if I could really handle. If it was that long it would basically take me to the second trimester.
My biggest of all fears though of it all is how it will affect me. I have work really hard at dealing with my mental health issues and have been really good with it all for about 5 years now. I'm am so scared that doing this would be enough to bubble it all over again.
littlewhisper, my guardian angel. I-Love-You XxX
little_miss, such an amazing friend. LoveYou XxX
I hate it, I don't want it, I don't need it, I never want to see it, You can take it, You can break it.
Mummy to my gorgeous wolf cub - 30/10/2013. Our little fighter at 3 weeks early and a tiny 4lbs 14oz.
You've said you're not planning on changing your mind but you still sound very torn.
I don't really have much to say here other than that sounds like an incredibly difficult situation.
You have said that not aborting would be incredibly difficult but it sounds as though aborting could affect you quite a lot and you actually would prefer not to have one in an ideal world. So I'm wondering would you not be entitled to any financial support at all? Or is it more the impact you feel it may have on your son?
Oh god I want to hear you say,
I want to hear you say that you were wrong again
This is the first thing
I have understood:
Time is the echo of an axe
Within a wood.
The impact it would have on my son is a major thing. We don't want him to regress at all and feel that having a new baby would do that because obviously a baby needs a lot more time from me. Time that right now could benefit my son more.
Yes in an ideal world I wouldn't even consider an abortion but this is not an ideal world and is far from it. Tbh I would even be doing this if my partner hadn't asked me to consider it and see down I think he knows this.
We would be entitled to financial help with extra child tax credits and child benefit but I don't want to have to rely on that to know I can afford a new baby. The women that lives below me is soon to have 3 children and that is how they are brought up and supported and really I want more for my family than being stuck in our run down 2 bed flat and struggling for space but not having any money to do better for ourselves.
I know that it was probably stupid of me to post something like this on here but I literally had no one to turn to except my partner which isn't the same.
littlewhisper, my guardian angel. I-Love-You XxX
little_miss, such an amazing friend. LoveYou XxX
I hate it, I don't want it, I don't need it, I never want to see it, You can take it, You can break it.
Mummy to my gorgeous wolf cub - 30/10/2013. Our little fighter at 3 weeks early and a tiny 4lbs 14oz.
I am so sorry you are finding yourself in this position.
I'm sure if you call your doctor they can help hurry things along, especially if waiting will make you into the second trimester. It's much more simple in the first.
Again, I, sorry you're in this position and I wish you could have your baby as well.
Ok so things have kind of move quick.
Today I have my consultation so they can examine me, talk to me about my best option and to see if this really I the best thing for myself and my family and to also do an ultrasound to see how many weeks I am.
The scan is really worrying me. With my little one I knew even more from the scan that he was mine to keep. I felt something for the little guy even then.
Right now with this one I'm sick of having something growing in me sapping all my energy and just leaving me feeling sick and almost passing out all the time. (it hasn't been the was ride the first one was).
But I am scared that when I see that little person on that screen its going to have some effect on me.
If I feel something for this child and cant go through with it my partner will never forgive me but if I do go through with it and feel something I'll never forgive myself.
With my partner it isn't him just not wanting another child full stop. He has his own stuff to deal with. He does have a lng term back condition and sometimes cant even get out of bed, let alone look after our little boy. He is also on medication that his medical professionals have told him he has to come of if we want another child yet that haven't told us why.
But then I have also read that the pain after taking the second tablets can be as bad as contractions.
Last edited by dragonfly : 11-02-2016 at 10:27 AM.
Reason: spelling mistake
littlewhisper, my guardian angel. I-Love-You XxX
little_miss, such an amazing friend. LoveYou XxX
I hate it, I don't want it, I don't need it, I never want to see it, You can take it, You can break it.
Mummy to my gorgeous wolf cub - 30/10/2013. Our little fighter at 3 weeks early and a tiny 4lbs 14oz.
Good luck with your consultation today. I hope it goes as well as you can expect for this sort of thing.
I think it is good that you are preparing yourself for how you might feel when you see the scan. There is no real right or wrong answer in these situations which if anything makes them harder to make.
Do you have a list of questions to ask when you go along to the appointment? They might be able to answer why your partner was advice to come of his medication as well as more specifics about the procedure.
You've most likely had the consultation now but when I had my dating ultrasound for termination they had the screen facing away and on silent. I wasn't told how far along I was but I'm sure they would have given me info if I'd asked. I didn't want to know as I knew I was sure about termination.
*next paragraph is my experience of a termination process*
It sounds like you're having a medical termination. That's what I had too. I had the second tablets as pessaries and they made me a little sicky. If you have a pessary they recommend you keep lying down for a while after to make sure it works, so make sure you're comfy and have something to be sick in (though that may not be necessary). The uterus does contract and I did find it painful (though bearable, and having never been through childbirth I don't think it'd be nearly as bad as childbirth!) but they should tell you which painkillers to have and it's super useful to have some heating pads or a hot water bottle.
Whatever you decide to do, remind yourself that you're doing what you need to do (whether that's going ahead with termination or pregnancy) and that's okay. It may feel raw emotionally - it's okay to seek some counselling if you're struggling to cope.
I've given medication to people having terminations and they always seem to prescribe a painkiller alongside the second dose. They won't want you to be in pain and they'll do what they can to make it as comfortable as possible for you. I really hope it goes smoothly. Thinking of you.
“Our defeats are softened and our victories are sweetened because we did it together.” - Toby Ziegler.
Thank you for sharing your experience whirlpool. That was really helpful.
I have had my consultation and they were super nice. They did the scan and I'm 9 weeks so things have to move very fast to get it done before i hit the 10.
She did ask for f I wanted to know if it was twins but luckily it is only 1. Just as whirlpool said the screen was turned away and on silent but I do have the notes with me as I have to go to a different place tomorrow for the first pill and another place on Saturday for the next. Due to having my notes I have looked through and the scan pictures are attached to them so have looked through and honestly I don't feel anything. Instead I keep looking on my wall at the 12 week scan of my little boy and that one makes my heart swell with love.
Even though in my heart I still know it is the right thing for me I still feel so ashamed of what I am doing. Knowing that I am going to be forcing my body to miscarriage when there are so many women out there that have problems staying pregnant naturally.
littlewhisper, my guardian angel. I-Love-You XxX
little_miss, such an amazing friend. LoveYou XxX
I hate it, I don't want it, I don't need it, I never want to see it, You can take it, You can break it.
Mummy to my gorgeous wolf cub - 30/10/2013. Our little fighter at 3 weeks early and a tiny 4lbs 14oz.
Regarding the physical process of the termination, please try not to worry too much about stories you read on the internet (I read a lot of experiences before my T, they made it sound much worse than in reality it actually is for many women).
Everyone's experience is different and I found the emotional side of it (afterwards) more difficult. I was pro-choice before, though, and even moreso now. It got much easier for me over time, and I still feel it was the 'right choice'. If you find you're struggling to cope at any point, please do consider counselling. Some bereavement services will be ideal for this but hopefully your doctor will be able to recommend if necessary.
I totally understand the feelings of guilt. I think I'd say, you continuing the pregnancy simply out of guilt that other women struggle to have babies of their own won't actually help them, if that makes sense. You just need to do what YOU feel is best for you and your own little family, whatever that course of action is. Xxx
I have to be honest, I think you're being very brave.
It's a difficult choice; of course it is, and ultimately, you are facing two very difficult options. But you've listed the reasons why you're doing it - your health and your son's happiness, and it sounds like another pregnancy would very much adversely affect you both.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
Its all done. It happened yesterday.
It really wasn't painful for me. They did give me codeine phosphate but didn't need any of them. I just did it with one ibuprofen through it all. I did find it more emotionally painful to especially when the actually miscarriage happen. But because I didn't properly know when it happened I had to check to make sure. I know it sounds disgusting but I sieved out the toilet contents when I thought it happened and it made me feel so sick. I saw my baby. It was so tiny and looked so helpless. The tiny eyes were the and its tiny hands and its teeny tiny fragile body. I've never seen something look so helpless. It made me feel so awful for what I'd done.
littlewhisper, my guardian angel. I-Love-You XxX
little_miss, such an amazing friend. LoveYou XxX
I hate it, I don't want it, I don't need it, I never want to see it, You can take it, You can break it.
Mummy to my gorgeous wolf cub - 30/10/2013. Our little fighter at 3 weeks early and a tiny 4lbs 14oz.
I've just found out a friend of mine who's little boy is the same age as mine and is also due with her second around the same time as I would have been.
littlewhisper, my guardian angel. I-Love-You XxX
little_miss, such an amazing friend. LoveYou XxX
I hate it, I don't want it, I don't need it, I never want to see it, You can take it, You can break it.
Mummy to my gorgeous wolf cub - 30/10/2013. Our little fighter at 3 weeks early and a tiny 4lbs 14oz.
They gave me a number to call if I felt I needed it but I spent 10yrs of my life doing that. I'm not going back there again. Especially not at this age.
littlewhisper, my guardian angel. I-Love-You XxX
little_miss, such an amazing friend. LoveYou XxX
I hate it, I don't want it, I don't need it, I never want to see it, You can take it, You can break it.
Mummy to my gorgeous wolf cub - 30/10/2013. Our little fighter at 3 weeks early and a tiny 4lbs 14oz.
Hi,
I understand that you may not want to go to Counselling right now, especially if you have had some in the past.
Don't rule it out for the future though. You may feel you need it in time.
I had an abortion at age 18 and eventually went to counselling due to it when I was 24. I didn't realise how much it had affected me until I had the counselling.
Look after yourself and enjoy your son as he continues to grow up and flourish in your love.
One thing is that we are lucky enough to live in countries where birth control is widely avalable, i have depo provera every three months in my fat arse for example so i know i wont get pregnant. what about you? have you thought about what you can do so your heartache never happens again? my thoughts are with you at this traumatic time, from woman to woman x
One thing is that we are lucky enough to live in countries where birth control is widely avalable, i have depo provera every three months in my fat arse for example so i know i wont get pregnant. what about you? have you thought about what you can do so your heartache never happens again? my thoughts are with you at this traumatic time, from woman to woman x
I do have better birth control now. I have that stupid implant stuck in my arm for the next 3 years.
I would have stuck with that from about 18 if the first one hadn't gone wrong when being taken out and caused a lot of pain and scarring. It scared me from using it again so went back to the pill.
Even though having this is causing me turmoil as well as i my partner would be happy to leave it the 3 years but I'm really not.
littlewhisper, my guardian angel. I-Love-You XxX
little_miss, such an amazing friend. LoveYou XxX
I hate it, I don't want it, I don't need it, I never want to see it, You can take it, You can break it.
Mummy to my gorgeous wolf cub - 30/10/2013. Our little fighter at 3 weeks early and a tiny 4lbs 14oz.
Nope. I try to but he just takes the attitude of well it had to be done, it was for the best and we cant turn back so I just have to get over it really.
littlewhisper, my guardian angel. I-Love-You XxX
little_miss, such an amazing friend. LoveYou XxX
I hate it, I don't want it, I don't need it, I never want to see it, You can take it, You can break it.
Mummy to my gorgeous wolf cub - 30/10/2013. Our little fighter at 3 weeks early and a tiny 4lbs 14oz.
