Contains bullying - Is it so hard for everyone to be nice?

Remember · 19-01-2016, 09:27 PM

I guess I should start out with who I am. I am a high school senior who suffers from severe depression and severe anxiety due to being bullied for 6 years of my life.

It started back in grade 2, from being left out of games and ignored by everyone. Slowly through the years the type of bullying progressed it wasn't just mental abuse it became physical.

Most recently, it's been shoved into lockers and books slapped from my hands while everyone stands around and laughs and kicks and punches if I try to fight back. I have permanent bruises where they've kicked to hard.I go to a small town high school, one where everyone knows everything. I have many nicknames around these hallways from Lardo (I'm actually quite thin thanks to eating disorders of my past) to many other obscene names they can think of. I've even been pushed inside my locker, locked inside and told to die. It only gets worse from there. Because of it as I said at the beginning I have to see a therapist who recently gave me my clinical diagnosis. It's been hard for me to see anything positive and I've self harmed numerous times.

The worst part is I have no idea what to do... You tell a teacher and they join in. Even though they say "we're here to support you". My biology teacher was talking about the ranking of a species the other day. He even said "it's funny to watch you guys compete for rank. But just remember there will always be a bottom rung. And you know who you are" que the pointed looks in my direction. I've been to the principal numerous times and all they've ever told me is "it's your word against theirs. There's nothing we can do." I get blamed for fighting back and I've realized that fighting back only makes it worse. I've gone to the school bored and they've said there's nothing they can do. I'm close to my limit when it comes to my tears of pain that have been caused at that school and I can't change school divisions midway through the year... Believe me we've tried. I try to put on a brave face and pretend I'm a survivor and not a victim so people don't pity me and tip toe around me. The truth is I feel broken and sick... I just need help and advice.

Thank you for taking the time to read this I know I may of ranted

whirlpools · 19-01-2016, 10:47 PM

Hi there. I'm so sorry to hear of your experiences. It's disgusting how your fellow pupils are behaving, and even more disgusting (though sadly not totally uncommon) to hear how your teachers are behaving. I just want you to know that it's absolutely not your fault.

I'm not sure what to suggest. Is there a guidance counselor at your school? Do your parents/carers know what's going on? Even though it should never have to be done, sometimes moving school can be a help.

Sending you warm thoughts.

Remember · 19-01-2016, 10:51 PM

Unfortunately there is but... She doesn't help you. Can book an appointment with the guidance councillor but when you go to said appointment she will literally erase the appointment in front of you and flip to the next week and said "oops i meant next week" believe me I've tried to ask her but she really doesn't care. She gets paid to sit in her office and smile like nothing is wrong because in their mind the word bully and bullying doesn't exist. Thank ou for the warm thoughts they are truly needed at the moment... It's been a hard emotional roller coaster and I just want off...

Destabilised · 20-01-2016, 05:02 PM

This is absolutely disgusting behaviour from not only the pupils there, but from the staff. I don't know where you're from, but I'm assuming the US due to the use of 'senior' in high school, do you guys have anything like OFSTED, which is a thing we have in the UK?
https://www.gov.uk/government/organisations/ofsted

If you have your own version of them where you live, it might be worth mentioning this to them and see what their take on it is. Would it be possible to video what is going on at all, subtly? Even if you left the recorder in your pocket when this was happening? Evidence evidence evidence.

It honestly sounds like it might be what is needed to begin making things better.

OmegaWolf86 · 01-02-2016, 04:23 PM

Sounds like the exact kind of hell I went through at that age. I'd get someone else involved, someone outside the school maybe like Destabilized said maybe a service? Sorry I'm not much for good advice.
Warm thoughts for you and remember you are not alone.

liljenni · 16-02-2016, 03:06 PM

:(

I feel a connection to this. Very much how I was treated. I grew up in a small town too, and I was bullied from 2nd grade to the day I graduated. The staff also pulled the same thing on me.

Stay strong
love

Remember · 06-06-2016, 03:36 AM

Thank you so much for your kind words everyone, unfortunately things have not gotten better... My mental disorder has now progressed into BPD, and because of it I lost a scholarship for citizenship... I'm also from Canada, and just celebrated my victory in graduating from that hell hole... maybe there is an up and out? I'm trying to stay strong and positive here

Zurg · 06-06-2016, 08:27 PM

There is an up and out, Remember. As you grow older the peers around generally mature and bullying isn't as common. I know that's not much comfort right now but it's still a small light of hope in a very dark time.

I was bullied in school and in high school too. It even persisted somewhat into university. I have always been an odd one to my peers, abit of a freak i think they thought. But i have found as i grew older that the true friends stuck around and the rest just kind of disappeared. It is also a bit easier to make new friends as grow older because you start knowing yourself better and develop a stronger feeling of who you are and what is important to you.

I know with BPD it can be hard to feel secure enough in yourself to really get out there and developing new friendships. I just want you to know that no matter your diagnosis, you hhave not done anything wrong at all, and the people worth knowing will be able to tell and stick around in spite of previous orstracising from your peers.

Bullying is terrible. Being alienated and abandoned by everyone who is supposed to help and support you is a traumatic experience. I've been there myself. But you can rise above all this and you can still go out there and live a decent life with love and frienship and respect. And you deserve that. Don't ever believe anyone who says otherwise. You survived that hell hole. You are strong. Much stronger than those who had to come in groups before they felt able to attack you.

You will be ok. And things will be ok. Because you're you. ANd you are the best you, you could ever be.

anime_gypsy_kitten · 11-09-2016, 05:58 AM

hugs

Remember · 26-09-2016, 08:31 AM

Thank you Zurg, it is very much needed at this time. I got into my university this year, and it's the same thing all over again. Your kind words actually made me cry with happiness knowing that I'm not alone and that there are people here to help me. I'm still trying to stay strong bit it's getting harder and harder. Last night was the first night I had to contact the suicide help line in a bit. And it was scary that I'm disappearing back inside my mind and that I'm just so weak and unable to help myself. My therapist hasn't been much help considering he's a two hour drive from University and doesn't want me to see anyone else. I know I'm sound like I'm complaining but I'm so stuck in my mind I hurt a friend that was trying to help me. No matter what I do I always seem to hurt people or hurt myself.