I texted my nurse last week to tell her I was suicidal and was left all weekend with no contact or support. I was physically and mentally very unwell and suffered a great deal.
So today I had an appointment with her. She started off giving out that I had used a text and was very aggressive and angry towards me. I was crying through most of the appointment and she showed no sympathy. She kept saying why wasn't I doing this group and that group. I told her I had joined groups and had been to a few. She went mental saying, you're not trying, it's not good enough, you don't want to make an effort. I also joined a community group she keeps harping on about but once I had actually joined then she found something else to complain about.
I told her I had lost my Masters and my job and been dumped all at the same time and they refuse to take me off a med where I am now morbidly obese. She refuses to see my side of it at all. It's pure judgement constantly and once I do as she asks she just finds something else for me to do but I have a full time job and am really not well right now.
I told her I do stuff she wouldn't even do herself and she has no illness and she went crazy, and I said not to be on my back when I'm looking for support not condemnation. The junkies and the people who never worked and got free houses never get spoken to like I do as I saw it all in hospital. I am so sick of them bitching and they are supposed to be keeping me alive. She is one cnt and I am serious. All she does is give out. She asks me to join a group and I join then it's another thing. It's the exact same as my family criticising me.
I told her if I died I didn't even have anyone to hold a funeral for me and the rock hard bitch never once flinched.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
It sounds like you need to talk to your team about what support you can access when you feel suicidal. If they don't like people texting they should be clear about the boundaries of this from the outset, that's their responsibility. I am sorry she was so unsympathetic; you deserve support and understanding during this difficult time.
I went to the doctor and according to them it's my fault. She brought up stuff from two years ago and used it against me. I can't win with these people. The she said it was a possibility I might be alone for the rest of my life. They offered me no support for the next two weeks even though I told them I planned on taking my own life. I can honestly say i think I would be better off dead than this.
Last edited by consequential : 25-11-2015 at 09:55 PM.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
I want someone to care and nobody does. I want a phonecall once in a while to see if I'm still alive. I don't need to sit like I'm on trial and be analysed. I can't see a future for me and I will stick to the plan that i had for Christmas. I am no loss to anyone. Nobody even cares whether I am around or not. It hurts too much.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
I'm sorry you're hurting but can you see the limits that services have? How regularly do you have appointments? These days cmhts are massively overstretched and are pushed for time and resources so might not be able to get the level of care you're looking for. I think your worker is trying to help you feel empowered and in control of your life by making suggestions of what you can do like groups and such. I know it doesn't feel like that. There has to be clear boundaries between professionals and yourself which it sounds like you're struggling with?
I'm struggling because I see other patients get weekend service and weekly appointments and I don't. The availability is there I just don't get it. They don't show sympathy and all they do is try to make me feel guilty and I leave feeling worse than when I went it. Today she tried to make me take a med that I couldn't tolerate and was fainting and hallucinating on and refused to believe it happened saying that it suited me fine. They don't listen to me and just have their own agenda.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
You cannot compare yourself to others as you do not know their whole situation.
I sympathise as you seem to be struggling and do not seem to be getting the support you feel you need. Is it maybe worth reviewing with your team what the goals are and how you aim to achieve them. If you are all working towards different things it can lead to a lot of frustrations and confusions.
I think there needs to be mutual respect for therapies to work and be helpful and at the moment there seems to be a lack of respect on both sides...
Sorry this isn't really helpful advice, just observations.
You made up your mind to torture mine!
If you read a scar like a book, you will relise the story in which you over look
One of them in is on my facebook page and she is with her family seven days a week and they bring her on holidays and all over. I have zero people. She gets to see the consultant while I don't. I have seen it all with these people, they aren't supporting me at all and giving me meds that I can't tolerate and then leaving me alone with no monitoring.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
I'm in Ireland. I don't know why, there was a problem with the bookings or something. I don't have a cpn or know what one is. They gave me a prescription for a medication change which took a year and a half of me asking. They treat me differently to other patients, I experienced it in hospital. I don't know why but I don't get sympathy only very cold judgemental responses. It's not imaginary it's real. There is one nice member of the team but I don't see him anymore. I really don't like myself and this isn't helping my self esteem.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
I don't know what to do anymore. I feel hated by everyone and I am afraid to say anything in case people hate me more.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
If you find my threads repetitive then nobody is asking you to read them. Just put me on ignore.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
I just want to be treated like everyone else. I don't know if I can get through the night. I can't stop crying.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
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