I got taken to a and e today after telling the duty worker I'm suicidal.
My cc turned up to do an assessment but she's one of the very few people who I don't click with and she just wound me up so bad that I pushed myself out of the room and out of a and e. When she caught up with me she grabbed the handles of my wheelchair and dragged me back inside. I tried to push against her in the opposite direction but she was stronger than me
I feel violated and I'm due my depixol injection tomorrow and she was all see you tomorrow! !! No way am I seeing her again.
Theyŕe making me see htt as well. I don't really want them. Coming in here stealing my food and putting puzzles everywhere.
I don't know. I know I'm not grateful and I'm sorry I'm so sorry
I'm sorry you had such a hard day Bear, it sounds like it was awful and so emotional and exhausting to be where you are now. Things must be pretty tough generally if you're feeling suicidal and I'm so sorry to hear that. Even though today was hard I'm glad you spoke up about how you were feeling. Do you think you'll be able to keep safe? Are you still in the hospital?
Hiya, thanks for all the hugs xx
No, not in hospital. It was home treatment or nothing.
They're meant to be ringing today, I don't know ifI can face the interaction.
I'm sorry for not replying properly, I can't think right. But thank you for being so kind xx
No need to apologise, I understand, these feelings can be so overwhelming that many things become difficult. It's okay. Even though home treatment might be tough I hope you can give it a go, might be nice to have someone hear you.
I just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear you went through so much and that you're unwell. Also, you have nothing to apologise for xx
As for your cc, I think what she did is outrageous and extremely ableist.(I'm talking about dragging you back inside + acting like it's not that much of a big deal or something.) It's one thing if she can't stop upsetting/annoying you with what she says but it's absolutely awful and inexcusable to cross a boundary like that :/ Can you report her/ask to uhh have her replaced - do you think that would be possible?
Did you see htt today, and if so, how did it go? xx
What about your cc, did you see her today? I hope she was reasonable(and basically, not a bitch) if you did see her.
I'm so sorry bear. Perhaps asking for another cc is a good idea, because you deserve support and should feel able to talk to them. Do you think you could discuss it with her and explain why you are upset? Or what about writing it down. Maybe waiting until you are calmer and writing it down might help.
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get back to this. Things have been hard.
I wasn't able to see htt as they're so full they refused my referral.
I couldn't speak to cc. She just did my depot and left.
My family have been watching me 24/7 and trying to get me to eat, drink and go to the loo.
It's so hard. I haven't been out of bed.
I've been ignoring my phone. I don't mean to
I really tried hard today.
I fell out of bed last week and my gp and physiotherapist wanted an x ray taken of my knee so I finally managed to get it done. They didn't think it was broken but I had six drs stood round looking at my x ray because of an impressive amount of fluid on it. At least I'm interesting I guess lol.
I ate something light and have been having fruit juice.
Cc rang and said I sound brighter. I still feel very shaky and want to die. I'm just a coward.
How do you feel about not being able to see htt? I know you weren't keen on seeing them, but do you think they would've been able to help at all?xx
Also well done on eating! xx Also, fruit juice = yum(and healthy) <3
Interesting they seemed so impressed by fluid retention in your leg...it's good if it isn't broken!
I'm sorry things are still so tough...Why do you feel you are a coward?(to me it doesn't sound like you're a coward at all)
Aah, something else I wanted to ask(sorry for asking too many questions), do you have like a counsellor or therapist or someone like that in your team that you could talk to about what you're experiencing(i.e. feeling so low)?
Hey again x
My head's a bit mushed so sorry if I missed anything out.
I am depressed because I live in severe pain every moment of my life. I can't walk anymore. I'm legally blind and this makes the hallucinations from my schizophrenia more intense. I can't cope anymore. There's more going on at the moment but I can't think about that right now.
I think I may be depressed.
I think I'm a coward for not just ending it all.
I rang the cmht out of hours line and they recommend that I stay at a crisis house . I need to ring them and ask about wheelchair access and if they have a bed.
In other news I have blood poisoning from kidney infection. Again.
I'm on antibiotics
I'll be OK xx
So sorry , this all sounds very difficult and upsetting. Have you heard from the crisis house?
Can you talk to your team about how you are feeling?
I wish I knew how to help, but I can send hugs *hugs*. I know you say you can't talk just now, but when you are ready feel free to post here. I'll listen.
Thanks chicken much appreciated. X
The crisis house wasn't able to deal with my health problems so I can't go there.
I'm trying so hard. I'm exhausted but can't settle. I just dread to think of my life in 10 years. Will I be able to eat? Will I lose the rest of my sight? What if the pain is unbearable ?
My ms nurse told me about a centre where they do alternative treatment s for neurological conditions. I rang them today and they asked me to come in next week. I guess I'm somewhsat hopeful about that.
It just complicates things because as well as ms I have EDS, fiBro, pots, DDD osteoarthritis and complications from them all. I've been terrified of saying that in case no one believed me. I'm so scared you'll all turn on me and I'll have no one left.
I'm scared. Of myself and of the future.
I have to live for the little things. but right now I can't find any.
I believe you. That's so much to deal with and must be overwhelming. I hope the appointment goes well next week and that they can help.
What are the things that have helped in the past?
Be kind to yourself. You have every right to be upset and have a lot to deal with, but you don't have to do it alone. Do you have someone to talk to about how this is making you feel in terms of mental health?
Again I apologise for the late reply.
Saying you believe me is the kindest sweetest thing anyone could say. Thank you.
I couldn't make it to my appointment, I just couldn't get showered and dressed.
My psychiatrist wants to see me in the morning about going on an antidepressant.
*hugs*
I hope you make it to your appointment to psych and hope it goes well. Perhaps you can talk to them about why you couldn't go to the app at the centre. Perhaps they will give you the support or help you need. This is so hard and overwhelming, but there are people who care and want to help. How do you feel about the antidepressant?
Thank you sweetheart xxx
Just a quick message to let you know I'm on respite in a nursing home. I feel safe and looked after here. My psych put me on sertraline. Hopefully it will perk me up a bit.
Thanks for the support xxxxx
I'm so sorry you have to suffer like this. You should report them to authorities and tell how you are being treated. What they are doing is not healthy for your recovery. I feel your pain and I'm devastated. I can't believe a person suffering such as yourself is being treated like that.
I wish you a speedy recovery and please don't be embarrass to ask for help from anyone. If you ever need someone to talk to just drop by here and we will listen. Please don't think of suicide as an option. These thoughts won't help and will only aggravate your condition. Just focus on getting better.
