Contains bullying - How far should I withdraw to stay safe?
Having been the victim of a major workplace conspiracy, a minor workplace conspiracy and a financially crippling conspiracy by so called friends, I have had to change my outward personality. I don't share thoughts or feelings, unless I think someone really needs to hear them. I don't look around me unless I have to. I am often, and quite deliberately, overtly aggressive. Funnily enough I feel I am more productive this way and more able to help people genuinely in need. I know I am safer.
I don't sleep well, but I cry a lot less than I used to. I can barely remember what happiness is, but I rarely feel intensely sad.
Does anyone know of an alternative to living like this, when you really are unsafe to expose yourself as a real person?
You don't have to live like that, of course! It does sound like you are surrounded by the wrong people though, so you need to find a better people to surround yourself with, and may be a better job.
Do you want to share more about those "conspiracies"? Might be easier to help if we know what it's about. In any case I have been in a very bullying-like situation at work and that was at a tough job that had almost no redeeming qualities, except for having a nice pay(for a student such as me at the time) and which was paid regularly and even with bonuses at a time when most such jobs weren't...
In any case I really struggled at the time. I hated the place and the people and the job. Thankfully I knew it was temporary and that got me through- it was a 6 months thing between uni. And then I would return to studying, my friends(in different city) and my goals. The way I got through it was by reminding myself the end goal(returning to university-that job was partially paying for that) by looking pictures of good times I had there, and making my schedule for the coming semester and so on- and I would do those things daily.
I also met with my best friend at the time as often as I could in the evenings(2-3 times a week).
I have also been in not so nice situation in high school, which was worse because it was 4 years...But again, my thing to do is concentrate on getting out of the situation and make a concrete plan of when and how you will do that. And go towards something(don't just concentrate on getting out but getting out for something you want).
For example if your social life isn't good right now(problems at work, problems with friends) have you thought of moving to a different city? That can give you a chance for a fully blank slate. It will take a while of course, but it can be motivating, especially if you find a city that you really want to be in, or a job that you would really want to have. And then immerse yourself into it- set a goal for a year from now for example, and every day until then, spend figuring out what your new life there can be like. Save money for the moving expenses, look at apartment and job listings, plan a different wardrobe even, think of what transport you'll use there, get a city map and things like that. You can do that for any goal- you don't have to move, but considering your job situation it sounds like you would benefit at least from change of job. Find your own goal or fresh start, set timeline towards it, and immerse yourself in preparation for it. Getting through something you don't like is much easier when you are going towards something you do like.
Thanks Truth. Actually I have done the new wardrobe thing and it has helped. I would like to move but it's difficult because I have a small child. But I am going to be spending some time in London for work so that will be a nice change.
By conspiracies in mean that people met behind my back with the express purpose of telling lies about me and putting pressure on people to do things that were going to financial harm (in connection with my partner's business). I know why they did it: jealousy in one case and me knowing something that could harm them in the other two cases. With the friends, they tried to invite someone to the conspiracy meeting who was a friend of mine that they had only met once! The whole thing has been exacerbated by the fact that two of the people involved have actually since died at the ages of 26 and 40 respectively.
Feels good to get all that off my chest in two paragraphs!
Hi!!! Well, it's always terrible to be at a bad situation at work. It's a place where you have to be what? 8 hours a day? So yes it is pretty bad to feel outcasted and bullied. In my case, I'm a little (very) shy so people think this gives them the oportunity to laugh at me or make me feel bad whenever they want. There's a woman who makes me specially uncomfortable since she laughs at me everytime I make a mistake or turn red if I feel ashamed (which happens to me constantly), it's like she was my boss because her eyes are on me most part of the day. I've been neglected from meetings, celebrations and so on, to a point where, willinlgy I decided to stop hanging out with those people. The job is stressfull, it's in the purchase department and sadly this woman is part of my team. I perceive her as a malicious person who intentionally wants to hurt me. All this stress in terms of workload has led me to feel anxious and depressed to a point where I had to start taking Xanax. I thought I had one friend there who was also new but she seems to have been accepted in to the "clique" and has began to make fun of me as well. At the end I began thinking what was the point in it, I was putting up with a very uncomfortable situation for the sake of a job that I don't even like? (it's a very steady and routinary job which I honestly hate and think is wasting all my strengths and abilities.), so I quit!!! I quit a few weeks in advance so I still have to be there for one more week, but trust me, you can't imagine the peacefull feeling I got when I gave my resignation letter to my boss and explained him the reasons I was leaving. I won't lie and say this week will be awesome, but I still have debts to pay and everything. What I want to tell you is that, no matter what, no one in the world is condeemned to their unhappiness. I know quitting is scary, and sometimes it might feel like you're letting yourself down because you are resigning. But it's not, it's being brave enough to embrace the challenges that come along with your happiness!!! Because at the end of the day that's all that matters, that you and your child are happy!
Really appreciate both replies. My situation at work is much better as I am in a different department and one of the people I had a problem with in my old department got into trouble through clear breaches of regulations. If it wasn't for that I would be changing career as a suggest. The problem I have now is that financially and socially I have lost so much. I am living in a bad area of a city where so much has gone wrong over the years. I am having problems with my son's teacher - I think because I am different to the sort of parents who live in the area. My partner also struggles to understand my problems. He thinks that I have an issue with other women, but I am never the instigator of these things and besides I get on fine with most men and women. I am glad I have this outlet.
