Triggering (SI) - i'm stuck in a coma

[ameradian]

i'm burning alot. i'm thinking about death. i'm thinking that if i keep going like this i won't live long. i honestly can't feel anything at all.

the worst part is that i can't figure anything out. i don't even know why i feel so awful. i don't even know exactly what i'm feeling. i have no idea what's happening to me. all i can tell is that it sucks.

i can't talk to anyone about this. i've given up trying because its just not working. its not that i think they would react badly, just that i can't. im so afraid of someone actually knowing what i'm like. i'm so good at pretending to be fine. it took me a while to realize that i felt crap because i fooled even myself. even i could actually say something, what would i say? i can't expect someone to understand if i don't.

i feel like i'm miles away. i know its completely ridiculous that anyone could piece together what's happening because i can't explain it. but could someone just please respond to this? i need it to be noticed so i can actually convince myself that its happening.



brian.

[Stellata]

I see you and hear you.

It sounds like you are separated from yourself in some way. Part of you is observing the other part of you that is frozen and locked away, trapped. You maybe locked that self away for protection at some point, but now it is not helping, and you feel trapped there and don't know how to break free.

It is possible that you don't know how you're feeling because that locked away part of you carries all your feelings, because you felt a need to protect yourself from feeling. I know that my Other One, my dissociated self, feels that feelings threaten her, and so viciously and forcefully tries to block me from any expression of my emotions, because for her it doesn't feel safe due to things that happened to her/me in my past.

Keep posting here. Keep communicating. Do what you can also to connect with your body. Wiggle your toes and fingers. Wrap yourself in a blanket. Have a relaxing bath. It might feel difficult to connect safely with your feelings right now. But these might help, although take it slowly and see how it goes. You could write your feelings in a poem. Or maybe draw how you feel right now, how you see yourself.

I'm pretty sure that others also will respond with some support and advice. I'm off to work, but will keep an eye on this thread and see how you're doing.

[_Cadence_]

~longing~tears~ said it well, and I have nothing to add, so I won't try. I'm here for you if you ever wanna talk. Feel free to PM me or talk to me on AIM anytime. This can be overcome!

[Nici-x]

Yea longing tears that was a good reply..i cant think of anything else 2 say either apart from please take care of uself, we all care about u and we are here 4 u if u need us.
PM if u ever need to talk..take care hun
xx

[Belt]

I know-sometimes it's easier just to not talk. But maybe you could admit to yourself you're struggling? Sounds like you're just letting it happen-without much thought of why. Next time you're triggered ask yourself why-and work from there. Aw-that's crap sorry-bad reply

Hope you're okay