Triggering (SI/ED) - why did i have to be so f***** up?? no one cares anyways
now that i cant cut ive resorted to a permanent hunger strike. i meant wat the f is wrong with me???? ive done hunger strikes before, but never like this...i just feel so confused...it feels good not to eat..it feels good to cut...it feels good to punish myself for being such a horrible monster....im just so screwed up...no one cares anyways..
in other traditions demons are expelled externally, but in my tradition demons are accepted with compassion. - Machik Labdron
they were perfect, they were beautiful. they met in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of nothing, and kissed where everyone could see. no words. no before. no after. they kissed and it was perfect. it was beautiful. it was everything. it was nothing.
I care hun. What do you feel confused about? You have to eat something sometime soon, else you will feel really sick pretty soon, and I know that feeling. You aren't a horrible monster, you are a good person. *hugs you*
What are you hoping to achieve by starving in this way? That you say its a hunger strike gives me the sense that you are trying to communicate something to someone? What effect do you want your self-punishment to have? What would you say if you could put all your self-harming actions into words? Who would you say it to? Why do you feel that you are a monster?
.... ever read the story of The Beauty and The Beast?
there's also a nifty book title 'hug the monster'.
It sounds to me that you might need some extra support and tlc right now. Not punishment. But punishment is familiar to you. You need to be reached and understood, I would say.
I, and us at RYL care. I know what it is to feel trapped in so much pain. But there are ways out. It takes time and courage and caring. We can help you through this.
You are NOT a horrible monster! I care about you! I understand that it feels good to not eat, and I know you know this, but you really need to eat or you're gonna be sick. You can PM me or talk to me on AIM anytime about anything! *cuddles*
take care
The following content has been hidden - Reason : trigger?
I won't be on RYL much right now because I'm REALLY triggered, but I'm safe... so don't worry...
We care about u hun, please dont do this to yourself.. its not worth it. You deserve to be happy and being self destructive like this will not bring about happiness. I don't know u but im sure that you are a beautful person on the outside and inside. Keep fighting this babe dont give up.
PM if u ever need to talk XX
[If you think you can win, then you can win. Faith is necessary to victory]
i just want them to care...especially my mom...and to prove to myself that i can follow thru with at least something...ive dried to do other things, but i just cant go thru with them.....i wish they could see what they have done to me...i feel ugly, stupid, and just all around horrible...god i dont know wat to do...but thank you all..it means a lot
in other traditions demons are expelled externally, but in my tradition demons are accepted with compassion. - Machik Labdron
they were perfect, they were beautiful. they met in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of nothing, and kissed where everyone could see. no words. no before. no after. they kissed and it was perfect. it was beautiful. it was everything. it was nothing.
I know what you are going through, because I can relate the same feelings between me and my mother. It can be hard when you don't feel like they love and care, but I'ms ure she does. Have you tried talking to her about how you are feeling? There are other ways to express your need for care and affection from her, maybe it's worth trying to verablise your pain instead of hurting yourself for it? I know it's hard, but please try and look after yourself - you'll get through this.
Are you seeing anyone like a counsellor or a psychologist? It might be useful for you to have someone you can talk to and deal with your feelings about things around you, and yourself - because I assure you, you'e not as horrible as you describe - noway!
the problem is she is the one that caused this pain....she is the one who taught me to be hurtful....lets just put it this way, i have scars that aren't from me.....ya....i am seeing a counselor, but i just switched to her, so it will take my a while for me to build up my trust with her. i have major trust issues.
in other traditions demons are expelled externally, but in my tradition demons are accepted with compassion. - Machik Labdron
they were perfect, they were beautiful. they met in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of nothing, and kissed where everyone could see. no words. no before. no after. they kissed and it was perfect. it was beautiful. it was everything. it was nothing.
