Since my case file was re-opened at the drug and alcohol agency, my counsellor has been really on the ball, keeping a really close eye on me, he is aware I'm drinking more, and I'm also open and honest about my 136 arrest under the mental health act, and what led to it, one of the things that led to it was my hormones, and a lack of control I feel I have at that time of the month and how it makes me crazy, especially after it lasting just over 9 and a half days.
I went to Arts and Crafts yesterday, it's a diversionary activity, with the drug and alcohol agency, and my counsellor was there when I arrived, he pulled me aside and let me know he's asked the nurse to come and see me next week during our appointment to see if there's anything she can do to help, anything from suggestions, to her speaking with my GP about the situation. I'm happy my counsellor has done this for me, as at least he is making an effort, but it's now making me anxious while I wait for my appointment a week tomorrow, I understand why he asked the nurse, but I find it embarrassing to talk about in a face to face situation, and it's taken me a lot of years to open up to my counsellor about, let alone a nurse I barely know.
I know it will be helpful but that doesn't stop the anxiety and apprehension at the thought of having to explain it to the nurse.
I know and understand why he's done done this, as he's worried for me as I told him I'm considering going to a foreign country and paying privately for a hysterectomy, as whenever I bring up anything to do with it with doctors in this country I just get ignored or laughed at, as most doctors are still under the miss conception that it's some kind of joke, and that I may still want children in the future, I'm 28, 29 in March, I'v got Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, I've suffered with my mental health since I was a child, although I fully understand exactly what I'm requesting, the doctors treat me like some uneducated child, I've never wanted children and am not in a relationship, and am unlikely to be for the foreseeable future, I don't see why I should have to suffer the extreme effects both physically and mentally, for potentially another 20-30 years, I'm afraid one day when it happens and I become psychotic that I'm really gonna mess up, and end up in prison, which is something I really don't want.
Hey guys thanks for the hugs, it means a lot, I'm trying to stay calm and positive, and decided to go and see tenancy support today with my housing association, I'm now getting extra support with them as I told them about the 136 and potential for another breakdown if things don't improve for me, I told them about me missing appointments with my doctor, and that I have a new referral to the psych too, so they said they'll try and support me to ensure I keep my appointments. I'm going out with them for dinner tomorrow to discuss my support needs in more detail, so something positive to look forward to, to take my mind off the thought of seeing the nurse next week :)
I'm really glad you're getting extra support now - it sounds like telling them was a really helpful thing for you to do, and I hope it's helpful to have the support to keep your appointments.
Good luck with the nurse next week, I hope it goes ok. x
I went to my appointment today, and it was the hardest appointment I've ever had to attend, I spoke with the nurse, who has now explained properly why removing my ovaries/a hysterectomy is not an option unlike other previous doctors/nurses, as the cessation of Oestrogen can cause Osteoporosis, meaning even if I was to have it done I'd have to live on HRT to minimise the likelihood of Osteoporosis, meaning I'd still be in just the same position, the only bonus would be no more bleeding, so not really worth the pain and effort. The nurse also had me see a dual diagnosis Substance Abuse - CPN, with the drug and alcohol team and CMHT, after a lengthy discussion I now have a referral for my Mental health with their specialist who specialises in the recognition and treatment of Spectrum disorders, this is something that is really good as nobody has ever taken my mental health seriously. I cried a lot throughout today's session, and discussed things in more detail with my counsellor too than I ever have, despite it being really hard, and me feeling completely exhausted afterwards, I'm really grateful that my counsellor is actually trying to help me and has given me the opportunity to get some real help for my mental health to give me a much better opportunity of being able to stop self medicating with drugs and alcohol.
So now I just have to wait for the dual diagnosis team referral to complete and hopefully with the correct treatment I should be able to start getting more mentally well, but I still can't help feeling a bit happy but at the same time terrified of what is ahead, but am really gonna give this my best shot :)
