I deleted two threads because I feel I worded myself wrong. I spoke of intrusive thoughts, but that isn't the case. I read up on intrusive thoughts and can't relate. My thoughts are never violent. I over think situations. I worry bad things will happen, that I'm being watched, judged. I even over thought my deleted threads, scared of what people might think. I worry over things said and done in the past, what if I've made mistakes etc. But my thoughts are distressing. I can't escape. Now I'm scared people think I'm a bad person for this.
I'm sorry for deleting my threads and I do appreciate the kind replies, but I guess I'm feeling pretty fragile just now.
My team used to refer to my thoughts as intrusive thoughts even though they are almost never about violence.
I tend to find descriptions of intrusive thoughts that are more akin to what I experience when I search also for OCD. I don't have OCD but I can relate its descriptions of ruminations and intrusive thoughts more so than other descriptions of intrusive thoughts.
I hear you struggling. Do you have any self soothing activities that might get you out of your head for a little bit? Things like playing puzzle games or colouring in help me. I play little number games when thoughts are bothering me like I will count to 100 in prime factors (1, 2, 3, 2x2, 5, 2x3) or do an A-Z shop in my head. Anything that isn't particular difficult but requires a little concentration.
We don't think you are a bad person. Hope you are ok.
I deleted two threads because I feel I worded myself wrong. I spoke of intrusive thoughts, but that isn't the case. I read up on intrusive thoughts and can't relate. My thoughts are never violent. I over think situations. I worry bad things will happen, that I'm being watched, judged. I even over thought my deleted threads, scared of what people might think. I worry over things said and done in the past, what if I've made mistakes etc. But my thoughts are distressing. I can't escape. Now I'm scared people think I'm a bad person for this.
I'm sorry for deleting my threads and I do appreciate the kind replies, but I guess I'm feeling pretty fragile just now.
Well, I could have written all that myself, so you're not alone. Thinking is not good for me at times. I don't have classical intrusive thoughts either but I have a super active imagination. At times it can create pretty cool stuff but when I'm low or anxious then it leads me off into a very silly place that wrecks my life.
I've felt guilty over so much stuff I've written and deleted on here and more so the stuff that's been deleted because I've been off my face.
I try to remind myself that I'd be forgiving of others so maybe, just maybe, others would be forgiving of me.
Hugs and a pack of stickers
Xx
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
Thank you everyone for the advice, reassurance and stickers.
I might try and talk about my thoughts at some point. I think it is a problem with ruminating and anxiety and then it gets out of control.
I went for a walk with my iPod, which sometimes helps. Obviously I can't do that at night and I get so low and exhausted that it's not always a possibility. I'm trying to do some writing. I think I might try sewing too. I have a few things I've promised to make people and it doesn't require too much effort or thought.
I don't think anyone thinks you're a bad person. I certainly don't.
I also agree that intrusive thoughts don't necessarily mean violent thoughts. I have what mental health people call intrusive thoughts (mine are religious) but they're not violent.
I'm sorry you're struggling so much with this, it can be awful. It sounds like you have some really good ideas to try, and I hope they're helpful. Just wanted to leave you some support. Take good care of yourself.
My thoughts aren't against anyone. I worry about things like past paper work, bills for example. What if I've made mistakes? I go to the worst outcome. Will it come back to haunt me? I've been told I haven't made mistakes, but I can't help wondering. Even typing this I fear in being tracked. Someone is waiting to catch me out, accuse me of something. I also feel like gravity is pushing us down and everything is too heavy. I worry buildings will collapse etc, which makes me scared for mine and my family's safety. I have to lie down when I feel like this. I worry over past conversations. I worry people think I'm a bad person. I worry about being watched. There are other random things I worry about, but people tell me it's irrational even if it feels so real at the time. I'm in a scary place and I don't know how recover or if there is something to recover from. Perhaps I have every right to worry about these things. I see crisis on Sunday. Spending tomorrow with friends then meeting my dad, so I will be around people and hopefully distracted but it all seems too hard and no escape.
Just wanted to say I can relate sweetie.
When I was about 18 I was so scared of saying the wrong thing that I couldn't speak. If I said the odd word I'd mentally beat myself up oversaying something stupid, and at times I'd self harm over it.
All I can promise to you is it does get better as your confidence and self esteem grow. I cope so much better nowadays and can usually shake off the ruminations of making a fool of myself or something bad happening.
Please be gentle with yourself and nurture yourself, you deserve to be treated nicely xxx
I'm scared. I don't feel right at all. Distanced. I want to be like everyone else but I don't know how. The fear, anxiety and worries are all too much. I can't deal with it, or with simple tasks. I feel so far from everyone else, unable to connect in a way. I ignored my phone call from crisis, so haven't seen them today because I couldn't handle the suggested distractions. I'm not in a place where that is working. I'm a hypocrite since I've suggested it to others.
I don't know what this is or what is happening. Even around people I'm not quite present. I can't focus fully.
Your thread is your own personal opinion, and if you decided to delete them it is all up to you. keep focus on your goals and dont mind anyone who does not help you. Have a cup of tea and relax your mind.
I just want to leave *hugs* and cuddles from my dog because I can relate to this so much and know how overwhelming it is.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
