Sorry for posting, haven't been on here in years but have nowhere else to turn.
Little things have been happening for a couple of montha or so, things I recognised as characteristic of me when I'm ill. Spending 3 of the last 4 weeks constantly around people didn't help. The little things are getting more frequent and more severe, and judging by my mood the last week or so I'm not just in danger of relapsing any more, I'm already there.
My MH service discharged me back to my GP months ago, in May or June (they had lots of cuts the last few years and kept me on longer than they should have). I've finished at uni so can't go to their counselling team, though they were mostly a safety net. My GP will barely help with physical issues despite years of nagging (I now have to have regular blood tests as the one she finally sent me for was abnormal, but she refuses to investigate why they are abnormal and refuses testing of any type for another problem). All she would do is tell me to go back on my last set of meds (been off them for roughly a year as yet again I couldn't cope with the side effects and my psych wouldn't change them). Even if I wanted to go back on them I couldn't afford to right now.
I cannot afford to slip into old habits. My current physical health means my old ODing habit would be much more dangerous (unfortunately my brain is seeing this as a good thing for if I become properly suicidal). I can't SH in my other usual ways in case they affect my ability to seem happy and healthy at my graduation next month or at the stuff I can't get out this week. I have plenty of other stuff I should be doing too; tidying my bombsite of a flat, chasing up last year's student loan so I can graduate, hiring a gown, looking for jobs, chasing up work experience I've been offered. All I seem to be able to do is curl up and hide.
I really don't know what I can do. No MH team, my GP is worse than useless, even the safety net of uni counsellors from the last couple of years is gone. I don't want to end up back in hosp (over a year since I was last in A&E and 2 for the psych ward) and I don't want my friends to see me like this yet again. However good they've been about it before, they're bound to get fed up of it sooner or later.
Well done if you read this ridicilous pity party to the end. I'd love suggestions, but I'm not sure there are any I haven't already discounted :-/
No need to apologise for posting, not needing to post and being well for so long is such a really good achievement, sometimes like you the littlest things can have such a massive impact.
You said your MH service discharged you back to the care of your GP months ago, if it's within 3 months you should be able to ring the MH team and re-refer yourself, if not maybe it'd be a good idea to go and see your GP, maybe see if you can access the MH team, even if only on a temporary basis.
Hope your time at uni went well, it's a shame you can't access counselling there any more, maybe see what support groups/self help groups/charities there are in your area that may provide some counselling :)
You say your GP will barely help with physical issues and that you've had blood tests, you say one was abnormal, but she refuses to investigate, your GP doesn't sound very helpful, is there perhaps another GP you could see? Also your psych should be discussing your meds with you, and if your not happy for any reason, he should consider how your feeling, and change your meds if it's possible.
I really wish there was something more helpful I could say, just wanted you to know I took the time to read, and hope you feel more positive soon :) x
I just wanted to say I read and I care. I don't have anything to add which stumpy didn't already suggest. I've changed GP's before. It can help a lot. A good GP is worth their weight in gold.
Take care.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
Thanks guys. Its definitely more than 3 months since MH people discharged me. I could be referred back to them, but I'd have to go on the waiting list again, which I believe is months long. Can't get any sort of counselling through charities without waiting at least 3 months, probably more like 6. There aren't really any self help groups locally. My closest two friends are going to notice sooner or later I guess, but I doubt anyone else will.
The psych I saw for the last couple of years at the MH service was useless, they just didn't get why certain side effects distressed me so much, and since I had a history of being non-compliant (usually due to bad side effects) they didn't care. I seem to get all the weird side effects that people rarely get, though I suspect that might partially be caused by the thing causing the abnormal blood tests.
I have to have another blood test soon and I should see my GP a week after that for the results. The two abnormal results from each test point to a specific problem, but there's no way to tell how severe it is from blood tests alone, there are other tests they're supposed to do to figure that out. If the blood results are abnormal like the last 3 times and she still won't do anything then I guess I need to see if I can have an appt with another GP there (do I ask for one as a second opinion or just ask to switch GP entirely?). Fairly sure I can't switch surgery, think I'm out of catchment area for pretty much anywhere else within a 30 minute drive. *Rant alert* My GP is just so useless >.< Late last year she took my additional painkillers off repeat (there is only one OTC painkiller I'm not allergic to, so I had a limited number of prescription only ones for when the OTC stuff didn't help). She took them off my repeat because it had been a while since I'd needed them, I was being put on a third psych drug and she didn't want too many items on my repeat. I've since had lower spine problems, ligament problems in my middle and upper spine, an RSI flare up and more migraines than usual and she's refused to even let me have a couple of doses of slightly stronger painkillers for when things get unbearable (I'm fine with going to see her when I need them instead of having them on repeat, but she won't give any to me then either!). The one that was on my repeat she refuses to let me have, supposedly in case I get addicted to it (I was allowed a weeks worth once every three months before, so used it very sparingly) and the other prescription one I've been given before may cause stomach damage (had maybe 2 weeks worth in 2 years, again used very sparingly and never the slightest sign of stomach problems). I don't get it, seems petty as much as anything to me.
Urgh. Sorry. I just don't see the point in telling the GP about mental **** when she has shown no interest in helping me in any way in the last year. Not sure I'd be able to tell a new one much either, though I might be able to write some of it down for them I guess.
Sorry your GP is not helping, writing it down definitely sounds like a good plan, and seeing a different doctor sounds like a good idea, your doctor sounds very much the same as mine, all in the name of cutting NHS spending, cutting medications that you'd actually benefit from, not acting in your best interest as a patient and certainly not someone I'd wanna discuss mental health with, although there is one medication my doctor gives out like smarties, wonder if there is something similar in your case, where they have the belief this 1 medication can treat almost everything.
You should definitely push to get some answers on the abnormal blood results, but these are possibly one of the reasons the doctor is reluctant to prescribe the pain meds you were on, I hope you get some of the answers and help you need soon :)
