Depression & Sleepiness *TRIGGER*

Captainshiny · 16-09-2015, 11:31 PM

Not sure about the trigger warning.

Well, it's been a while since I've asked for support. I've broken up with the only person I speak to for support and have no one to talk to...

Very recently, my depression had got a whole lot worse. Maybe about a month ago it all started again. I was fine since Fenurary/March time and now it's all come back and everything in my mind is going to s***.

I have so much s*** going on and when it gets in my head I end up overthinking everything so f****** much all at the same time it feels like my head is going to explode but all this pain goes into depression and it's just a vicious cycle getting exponentially worse.

Haven't self harmed since around Feburary/March buts it's all I want to do now because it's the only relief I can get. And actually, the only reason why I haven't done it is because I don't have any medical supplies. That's the only reason. But hey, how difficult can't it be to go by some supplies and go ahead and throw everything to waste. Not that I really care anyway.

Also, I have experienced this once in the past where I feel so depressed I could fall asleep on the spot. Almost every day now I feel so depressed it makes me tired. I can get ten to twelve hours sleep that night but sleep for another two or four hours because I'm depressed. I usually go to bed between one and three in the morning and wake up around one in the afternoon. I'll stay awake for a couple of hours then go to bed again. Sleep for most of the day.

I just don't know what to do. I got no one to talk to and no options left. Meh...

Captainshiny · 17-09-2015, 08:37 PM

Thanks for the reply.

I didn't self harm because i didn't have any medical supplies left and I didn't go to buy any.

I am eighteen and the previous professional help I seeked made me worse both times I went for help.

Captainshiny · 21-09-2015, 12:08 AM

It's ok.

Maybe I will have more of a say, but I tried therapy in the past, not my choice. On another occasion, medication which I asked for but didn't really help; made me worse if anything.

I only feel comfortable talking deeply about these kinds of things with close friends but I don't really have any anymore. I've been feeling kinda lonely since too as a result.

Maybe I will look into getting professional support again - if I've tried cognitive therapy and medication, what can I expect to be offered ?

Captainshiny · 01-10-2015, 10:34 PM

I'm considering getting help but I don't really want to go through my GP. Is there any other method?

Captainshiny · 01-10-2015, 10:56 PM

There are a few charities, I could try speaking to them.

I have not heard of an advocacy group though.

Dreamer And Believer · 02-10-2015, 12:16 PM

I know you say you've tried therapy before, but that doesn't mean different therapies/professionals won't be able to help you now. It's always worth exploring if there are other options out there.

You do not always have to be referred through your GP, some mental health services have self-referral systems. I had a look in Surrey for you based on your listed location and found this page, they appear to take self-referrals and it says that they will be able to advise you on other local services available that may benefit you. That might be a good place to start?

Fire Fly · 02-10-2015, 03:30 PM

Do you want to discuss why you don't want to go to your gp? If you don't like your gp you could go and register at a different one and find one you like?

Captainshiny · 06-10-2015, 12:12 AM

I will have a look at the self referrals.

I never really liked the way my GP spoke to me, or treated me. And another time when she cancelled my appointment without letting me know.

EyelinerAndCigarettes · 06-10-2015, 11:18 AM

Sorry to hear your GP has been unhelpful in the past. I wonder if you go back now, she might be more helpful this time? She may have been having a bad day & been very rushed which is why she wasn't sympathetic. Another option is to see a different GP at the same surgery or move to a different one?

Captainshiny · 06-10-2015, 11:56 PM

I appreciate all the support and advice you guys have given me.

I will try the self referral option and see where I go from there.

Captainshiny · 10-11-2015, 01:56 AM

I got a initial appointment over the phone soon with that self referral service.

I'm staring university next year and if I'm not at least slightly better by then I don't know how I'll manage.

A lot of people stare at my arm and the scars on it all the time when I'm going to and from work or perhaps if I'm just out and about. But it really annoys me how some people don't have any common courtesy.

Arienette · 10-11-2015, 10:56 AM

i'm glad you wen through with the self referral process. I hope they manage to offer you some form of longer term support to help you through this.

xx

Captainshiny · 14-11-2015, 12:30 AM

I have a CBT appointment on the phone next week.

I don't think it will work because I have tried CBT before but they said we can try other forms of support if it doesn't work.

Fire Fly · 14-11-2015, 05:17 PM

Why don't you be open minded and optimistic that it could work.

Captainshiny · 31-01-2016, 02:35 AM

Well it's been a while since the CBT but it didn't really go well.

I don't know what to do anymore, my depression keeps getting darker and darker.

I've been free from self harm for almost a year now but I don't know if I can make it...

Fire Fly · 31-01-2016, 01:59 PM

Why don't you think cbt is going well?

Have you tried sleep hygiene and doing the correct things that may help lift your mood.

Captainshiny · 31-01-2016, 03:08 PM

I got discharged shortly after starting the sessions.

Could you explain what sleep hygiene is?

I try and do different things during the day. I talk to people, play badminton, work, go outside to relax but sometimes it's just not enough.

Captainshiny · 02-02-2016, 11:22 PM

I've tried having a bedtime routine a couple of times in the past but I found it very difficult. I remember one of my therapists in the past suggesting to gradually bring back sleep at fifteen minute intervals each day or something.

I have tried asking for other treatments other than CBT but they won't have it.

I don't really feel anything from being free. I guess I should try to feel proud at least.