Moving out?

[Willoughby]

I am about seventeen years old, and recently I've had to really think about what I want to do with my life. The problem is, I feel like I'm really stuck, with absolutely no resources to get me where I want to go, and I'm really clueless as to how to fix that.

My family has been seriously pressuring me about going to college, saying that it's a good investment and a great experience and something that I need to adjust to the real world. I've considered this for a long time, but I really don't think that I want to go to college. My goals are creatively-based; I don't really want to talk about my plans, since they're a little personal, but they aren't the kind of goals that require a college degree. A college degree might be something to fall back on, but I really want to focus on these goals, and I feel like college would only be a setback at trying to accomplish them. The goal that I have in mind would be really risky, but I'm prepared to work hard and persevere. I really fear that college would be a useless, detrimental investment. I don't want to spend the rest of my life working towards paying for a degree that I didn't want, and my very worst fear is that to pay for college loans, I would have to give up my previous goals, work a boring, soul-ripping job and spend the rest of my life miserable in a cubicle.

While I have a specific (albeit risky) profession in mind, there are a few things that I need to work towards first. The profession requires some investments (and I'm willing to work to pay for the supplies I need), but the biggest thing that I would need to work towards is a place for myself. I'm currently living with my family, and we live about twenty minutes away from a town where I could actually get a job or an apartment. I don't yet have a car to get to a job, and I can't get a car without a job, or an apartment without a job. I would need to get a roommate or two to split rent, but I don't know how to do that without putting myself into danger. I am a small, essentially defenseless girl. I do not have any friends or family that I can move in with or receive help from.

I'm really desperate to get away from the immediate family that I currently live with. They're emotionally abusive, and recently they've only gotten worse, and I've gotten worse by proxy. I feel like if I have to spend any more time with them than I already have to (and maybe even less time than that), I'll be driven to suicide. I can't stand the family members that I live with, and for the sake of my mental health, I really need to move out as soon as I can. But, again, I really don't have any resources to do so. I don't have any money, or any means to get money, and I'm honestly worried that I'm going to be stuck there for the rest of my life, or living in a homeless shelter. I honestly feel like I'm stuck, and I don't know what to do, and I'm terrified that I'm going to live a simple, boring life working a nine-to-five job stuck with people that I absolutely can't stand.

Would anyone have any advice on what to do? Is it a smart idea to go to college, even if I don't want to?

[showmeyourkitties]

It's extremely normal to not know your place in the world yet.
I've experienced the same thing that you are right now.
First of all, breathe.
Have you ever looked at one of those boxes of 1,000 piece puzzles?
When you dump it out and then look at the pieces and the big picture that you need to put together, you get discouraged, don't you?
But if you don't think about the big picture and put the pieces together one step at a time, without thinking of how many are left, you save yourself the worry and once you have already put together the edges, you feel more confident in doing the rest of it.
This same concept applies to life. Don't look at the big picture when you haven't even started on building the edges. You will save yourself so much stress.
Set one goal to do before you do anything else.
In this case, the job seems more necessary to accomplishing all of your other goals. Keep a look out for jobs. Once you get one, get a friend or family member to help you get back and forth to work. Save nearly every bit of your paychecks, then get a reliable car. Once you have a car, you will be able to accomplish a lot more. Don't even focus on the moving out part yet. Stable yourself first.
I know that living with your parents sucks, but it's better to deal with it a little longer than to push yourself out there before you're ready.
As for the college part, that is for you to decide. It may make your parents happy, but this is your future, not theirs. Do what makes you happy.
Good luck. You'll figure your life out soon; don't try to grow up too fast.
-xo