Coping without counselling.

Lindsey · 03-09-2015, 07:48 PM

I started seeing a counselling from rape crisis around a year ago. They offer ten sessions. I had tried this a couple of times before but never clicked with the counsellor. I had a really bad experience of spending weeks and months on waiting lists and being forgotten about.

I went for one last try and at the assessment appointment it was my current counsellor who did it. She told me the wait was 12 weeks minimum, paused and told me she'd see me herself if she felt it was a good fit. Starting the following week. This meant so much to me.

We worked really hard and achieved a lot. She's told me that everyone gets ten weeks but some people refuse to talk to her for that whole time so its nice that I really use the appointments. After the first ten she felt I was making such good progress, she extended me.

Unfortunately she can no longer do this and I have my last one next month. I'm heartbroken. I have asked what to do next and aside from paying £70 an hour for someone I might not like, there's no option. I will miss the sessions and I will really miss HER. It's so upsetting that this is someone I gel so well with and I'll never get to see or speak to again.

I still have a way to go with sessions and work that needs doing but I don't see how I can manage this on my own. In an ideal world I'd be able to pay her privately for counselling. I've never suggested this to her as I think it might be deemed inappropriate and I don't want to leave my last session with her telling me that's not cool

Snow White. · 05-09-2015, 03:21 AM

Have you discussed with her your concerns about how you'll cope after the sessions? Often they will devote time to discussing strategies or even low cost options in other ways.

I'm sorry I don't have more advise but please don't underestimate your own strength. Everything you've done with her was what YOU did. It's hard saying goodbye to someone who has helped, and maybe you won't have to, but if you do it doesn't hurt forever. I know that's not super helpful but maybe worth keeping in mind.

Take care x

Lindsey · 05-09-2015, 11:05 PM

Anytime I try and talk about stopping seeing her, I start welling up. She knows I don't have a support network at all outside of our sessions and how hard it will be for me to stop attending appointments.

I have an outline of the things I want to achieve if we were to keep going.

I know I've done a lot of work but I wouldn't have been able to do it without her.

I emailed a counsellor whose email address I found online and she got back to me immediately. It's an option. But I want to keep my own.

Ballerina123 · 07-09-2015, 09:22 AM

I'm not sure where you are but there are some low cost options if you want them out there. You do not have to pay £70 a session.
I don't know your financial situation but I'm on benefits and can get counselling in London for £30 a session.

If you let me know where you are I could find a link for you for lower cost counselling.

Ballerina123 · 07-09-2015, 09:24 AM

http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/

Lindsey · 07-09-2015, 06:59 PM

Thank you. I've emailed someone from there. It's not my ideal situation but I doubt that will be possible.

Lindsey · 12-09-2015, 10:46 AM

Hi,

I made an initial appointment and went to see someone else. I really didn't like her. I don't think her boundaries are very good. I disclosed abuse to her and she told me she understands because it happened to her to (and told me in detail) which kind of triggered me. I don't like her approach and didn't get a good feel for her or her office at all.

I'm going to speak to my own counsellor and ask if there's any way she would consider seeing me privately.

Dreamer And Believer · 13-09-2015, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lindsey

Hi,

I made an initial appointment and went to see someone else. I really didn't like her. I don't think her boundaries are very good. I disclosed abuse to her and she told me she understands because it happened to her to (and told me in detail) which kind of triggered me. I don't like her approach and didn't get a good feel for her or her office at all.

I'm going to speak to my own counsellor and ask if there's any way she would consider seeing me privately.

I'm really sorry that happened to you. I had a similar experience with a counsellor sharing personal experiences on my first appointment and I found it very triggering, it soured the whole process for me from the beginning and immediately I felt I couldn't trust her as a professional. Could you have another look on the site that Ballerina123 linked to (or elsewhere) and see if there's anyone else in your area you could try? Having a good fit with a counsellor is so important. But otherwise I think it's fine to ask your counsellor that--the worst thing that happens is she says no, but I'm sure she'll understand why you're asking.

Lindsey · 13-09-2015, 08:43 PM

I'm just off a very upsetting call with the crisis helpline.

I told them about my experience last week and told them I'm going to ask my counsellor if she'll see me privately. They were horrified and told me that is completely against the rules of the centre. I said that I'm hoping my sessions might be extended and she told me that there's a reason there's a limit and that I am preventing someone else from seeking support.

I'm so teary just now

I know she didn't mean to be unkind but its really just squashed any hope I had of being able to see my own counsellor.

I've had a look through that site and there's not really another option with regard to location and cost of other services.

Dreamer And Believer · 14-09-2015, 08:34 AM

Hi Lindsey,

Depending on how the centre you've been attending receives their funding (i.e. if funded by the government/local authority), that may play into the limited number of sessions and the fact that you can't pay privately. That being said, it was unfair of them to tell you that you are preventing someone else from seeking support, when you are just trying to figure out your options.

I know you said you get teary when you try to discuss it, but I think it's really important to bring up your concerns with your counsellor and see what alternative resources and support she can recommend for when your time with her ends.

Lindsey · 14-09-2015, 06:15 PM

I feel like we should have a session dedicated to coping mechanisms and how I'm going to deal with no more appointments. But we only have one left and I've had this whole other heap of crap happen that I need to talk about which will take longer than the allocated time as it is.

I was going to ask if she could call me tonight and I could tell her that I'm not ready to stop. There is no part of me that thinks she'll argue I'm ready to be left to my own devices- she knows I need this. But she never replied to my email.

I know earlier in the year the centre had their funding cut and my counsellors hours were reduced. I feel so guilty that me going means someone else can't :(

Dreamer And Believer · 16-09-2015, 07:53 PM

Has your final appointment happened yet? How did it go (if so)?

Try not to think about it like that--that you are responsible for keeping someone else from going. You are not responsible for the event(s) that cause you to need to go to the centre; you have as much right to the services as anyone else does.