I have never felt more lonely in my entire life

CollegeSenior2015 · 01-09-2015, 06:36 AM

I am a senior in college this year, graduating in May.
I recently was a part of a sorority, but a year and a half ago was placed on academic probation for not doing well in school. Since then, I really picked up my grades, landed an internship with an amazing corporation, made the dean's list, basically anything that could go my way went my way.

Just yesterday was "bid day". Flooding my social media feed- instagram, twitter, snapchat, Facebook- were millions of posts of sorority bid day. It was rather annoying, because it made me feel very lonely.
I am taking 18 hours this semester in order to graduate in May so I am currently not working and living with my mom and stepdad. This past weekend- Friday and Saturday night I sat inside by myself. My mom and stepdad went out and did their thing together, and I tried to act like I was okay. I pretend I have homework so I don't break down in front of my mom that I am such a loser.
Now don't get me wrong, I have friends. But they are either engaged, just entering a relationship so they are so involved in that, or they just work a ton.

I have a boyfriend but any day he doesn't have school he is working at a local restaurant so he works till pretty late. When he does get off he goes home. (If I had my own place that would be different.) He lives with his parents too due to financial situations.

I'm not sure how to fix this situation. I don't know what the cause of it is. I think it could be my sorority- but I don't know. Basically I can get back in to it, but I have to write a letter stating why I want to, what I have done to improve, and I have to get 100% of the girls to vote yes for me. If one girl says no I am not accepted back in. I have submitted this for application, and it takes 6 weeks. But I really don't know why I set myself up for further depression.

I have never been depressed no family history of it, but I feel depressed right now. I feel like such a loser.

tiptoes · 01-09-2015, 10:03 AM

Hello, Welcome to RYL!

I'm sorry that you are having a hard time at the moment. Feeling depressed doesn't make you a loser, I understand how it can make you feel that way though.

College can be a stressful time for a lot people and can trigger low mood and depression. I don't know how it works where you are but my university has a student support centre that can provide support to students that are struggling with their mental health whilst studying. Does your university have something similar? Would you consider contacting them? You don't have to go through this alone.

It must be difficult to pretend to be ok in front of your mom and stepdad. Do you think they would be supportive if they knew you were having a hard time at the moment?

Relationships (friendly and romantic) can be hard work when you are trying to study (and working to fund your studying). Do you think you could plan in some time with your friends and also your boyfriend? Even if it is a few weeks down the line I used to find it helpful to have something to look forward too. Even if it was just to catch up over a quick coffee or something.

CollegeSenior2015 · 10-09-2015, 05:05 AM

Wow,
So sorry it is taking me so long to reply... I forgot my username and password!

I get very sad when I have no one to hang out with, I do not know if its me living at home and not working, thus I have all of this available time... but for instance on Sunday my boyfriend wants to watch football, so I invited him over to my house because we have a big tv and he rejected and said he would rather watch it by himself at a restaurant because he screams and doesn't want to do that in front of my mom...
And it brings me down a lot. I try to be involved with my school- and its hard going from a Sorority to not... being surrounded by 200 girls you ALWAYS have something to do.... now I have about 4 girl friends I can call up and ask to hang out.. and most of them are busy, some live about 2 hours away, the other is wedding planning so she's busy, the other always has something to do. So i'm trying to hang out with people, but theres always an excuse so it causes me to feel very lonely.

I don't know what to do with myself on the weekends when I don't have class because I am usually alone- my mom and stepdad go out and run errands, my sister works and my brother is usually working too. This depression comes in waves, last week I was fine, the weekend I was okay, and now i'm feeling lonely again.