I am the rain in our paradise

Hyperboleandabit · 30-08-2015, 06:09 PM

My boyfriend and I have been "official" for 7 months but pretty much together for over a year and I am really struggling with my MH, ED and SH. He witnessed my first panic attack the other day and it really freaked him out. We spoke to my therapist about it and he seems a bit happier with things but I am not. I don't want him to know quite how much I am struggling. I can't tell other people around me as they have enough of their own issues. I am blessed with Boyfriend as he has no issues with my many scars, it hurts him when I get more but he doesn't make a fuss. He is everything I could ask for when it comes to that but he doesn't have the 'shut down' response I have. He's the kind of person that wants to be cuddled when down. I don't. I don't want to be touched, spoken to and definitely not asked "what's wrong" as I get emotional and I see that as a weakness for me to display. I just want to hide away until I am 'fine' again. How can I explain this without making him feel useless and unwanted? Or should I actually tell him? Am I being stupid by shutting down? I just feel like I am going to muck everything up like I always do.

PoppyLove · 30-08-2015, 07:00 PM

I have a problem with being open about my emotions, fears, anxieties, etc. as well. It's definitely hard - and it doesn't change overnight!

I'm beginning to find that a little bit of honesty can go a long way, however. For example, when I get anxious about something, sometimes I can have a very short rope when it comes to patience and I can get snappy. My family doesn't really know all of my issues too well (I keep them even from them!) but obviously when I snap I snap at them too, which is upsetting for them. So what I'll do is just tell them up front, "I'm sorry, but ____ is stressing me out so I don't have a lot of patience today". It usually makes me feel better, and it helps them put my mood into context.

Now, I'm not totally open and honest about everything, but it's certainly a start. Could you tell your boyfriend that you are working on being more open with him, but that it won't be easy for you? Perhaps you could also come up with some sort of code word or system where if you need a break, you can go get some space.

Hyperboleandabit · 30-08-2015, 07:03 PM

Thank you PoppyLove, that made so much sense and it's a relief to hear that I am not the only one that has a sever lack of patience sometimes!
I think I'll try that, a code or starting that conversation with him. Thank you.

whirlpools · 30-08-2015, 07:23 PM

Can there be other ways to give him aome control/ways to care for you? Totally okay if you don't like being touched (also very normal in people who are struggling, but maybe if you had a signal where he knew to make you a favourite hot drink or make a cosy little nest for you, it might help you both.

Hyperboleandabit · 03-09-2015, 04:55 PM

That sounds good but I have problems with 'handing over the controls' after previous experiences and things going very, very wrong.