does my dads gf hate me or is this normal

crybaby · 28-08-2015, 01:07 PM

I think my dads girlfriend hates me.

I'm 19, I live at home with my dad. His girlfriend lives with us. She's really weird. She bought food once with our foodstamps and froze a loaf of bread, I had no idea it was hers and One day I went to get a peice and she was like "Can you not?!" telling me to stay out of her bread. She gives me looks all the time that are judgemental feeling, I don't know if it's a case of resting bitch face or what but they are never warm looks. She says passive aggressive things all the time. I have no car and my dad pays for hers so his is broke down atm, if I ask her to take me somewhere she (my brother told me this) will stand by the door and sigh and mumble that i need to hurry up and she has better things to do- while im simply just getting my shoes on. Also, there had been times I have asked her for a ride (its right down the street- and it is for grocerys) She has just straight up said no, she's too tired. She has just had a baby 10months ago. She always acts like he takes every ounce of her energy but then why did she decide to have a kid if she can't do anything but minimally take care of him? She is also around Xlbs. she has made rude remarks to me about my clothing. I never even dress skimpy I wear skirts with tights and tanktops at the minimum or dresses with knee highs. Sometimes athletic shorts and a tank top tucked in for lounging! nothing bad. one time i went to the salvation army and got a new dress, i tried it on when i got home and she said "already stippin down?" like wtF! and once i put a sweater on and she said you know its cold your daughter actually out clothes on! like i do not have a perfect figure so i know for a fact i dont dress unappropriate because i cover my whole entire torso 100% of the time and half way down my thighs so, I dont get why she is like this. So recently Like three days ago, I bought a new black satin robe ^___^ and have been wearing it around the house, and her looks have been outrageous. Last night I knocked on the bathroom door when she was in there and she didnt say anything??? i thought it was my bf so she was lucky i didnt walk in and i knocked again- i apologized when she got out saying " sorry i knocked so much i thought it was ********) and she just looked at me and walked away. is that not rude? is this just me or does she hate me?

Chia. · 28-08-2015, 02:37 PM

Resting bitch face lol that just made my day

I'll reply fully in a little while

Chia. · 28-08-2015, 04:20 PM

It sounds like there is a lot more to this relationship then just the things that you have mentioned in your post.

I think that this behaviour is to be expected in a relationship where there are unexpressed feelings, unmet needs, inequality and where one or both people don't know how to communicate. It's not the healthiest way of dealing with things, but I don't want to call it abnormal because normal is subjective and when something is seen as abnormal it can cause stigma and judgement. I have behaved passively aggressively before, it happens.

It's between you and her to sort this out between you like adults, but i'd like to add a few pointers that i've found through life experience :P.

Things won't improve by you responding passive aggressively to her passive aggressiveness.
Passive aggressive behaviour may be a result of someone not knowing any differently how to communicate better. If she does know how to communicate in another way then her ability to do this may be impaired through things such as stress and taking care of a new baby. Either way, when you respond back in an aggressive or passive aggressive way you are modelling that behaviour back to her and therefore it will only continue going around in that circle and your relationship with her will continue to break down.

A way to develop your relationship with her would be to model completely different behaviour. I don't want to go into detail here, but maybe you could google articles on communicating. There is also a book called non-violent communication that might be helpful.

If you show her respect and don't try to purposefully annoy her then you may find that she shows you respect back.

You are 19 and she has a 10 month old defenceless baby that is growing that cannot take care of his/herself and who literally can't take his/herself anywhere.
Why do you think she sighs and mumbles?

Don't take things personally. I don't think she hates you, but I think that there are aspects of your behaviour that she may not like. Who you are and what you do behaviourally are different things.

Is there something nice you could do for her? Maybe buy her something or spend time with her.
I know you may not want to do anything nice for her because of her being such a bitch, but if you want to rebuild the relationship someone has to take the risk of doing things differently.