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*Possibly Triggering* Actual Mental Health Issues or Overreacting?
Hey, I've decided to seek some advice here as I've been really uncertain about a few things. This post may be a bit long so I apologise in advance.
Anyway, I've been self-harming for nearly 2 years now, starting about October 2013. At that point of time, I was feeling particularly down and gloomy. I'm pretty sure it's not that kind of sadness that one would classify under any sort of "normal" spectrum. I couldn't get myself to do any of my schoolwork. I was sleeping throughout most of my classes, resulting in a drastic drop in my grades. It'd be a lie if I said that I've never had suicidal thoughts. A few months after this intense feeling of sadness set in ( it refused to go away, no matter how hard I tried to make myself feel better ), I started turning to self-harm to cope with everything. Fast forward about 4 months later, to about late February or early March. It was the first time in those 4 months that I finally felt something other than the unusual intense wave of sadness. I was feeling mentally stable all of a sudden, and I didn't know why. I thought everything was back to normal again. I thought the "wave of sadness" was just a phase that I would never have to deal with ever again. I was wrong. About 3-4 weeks later, I felt sad again, although this time it wasn't as bad as the previous "episode". This so-called cycle of crashing down into intense feelings of sadness has never really stopped since it started, although I felt my absolute worst during the first episode of sadness. I'll be fine for a bit, but then inevitably crash right back down again. This has led me to the conclusion that I may have Bipolar II. I haven't talked much about the possible hypomanic/manic episodes that I have experienced so I'll do that right now. I'd be up late into the late and only fall asleep between 2am-4am amd get up at 5am for school. Despite the fact that I had only a few hours of sleep, I'd still be able to function pretty well for the rest of the day. What I do when I'm up? I'll mostly be studying, getting schoolwork done or make the random decision to clean my room. It's also not uncommon for people to tell me things like " Why are you talking so fast? " / " What did you say? Can you repeat it? " / " Why are you so talkative all of a sudden ". The thing is, people say that I talk reallly fast most of the time when really, I always think that they're the slow ones, and not me.
I've never really thought about the possibility of having Bipolar II ( or maybe I? ) until the beginning of this year, when I came across a website showing the symptoms of Bipolar disorder. I've been experiencing quite a significant number of them and hence think I may indeed have Bipolar Disorder ( not sure how far along on the Bipolar spectrum, though )
I've experienced the following:
Hypomania
- Needing less sleep in order to feel rested
- Talking very rapidly or excessively
- Distractibility
- Fast thoughts
- Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity -- unrealistic beliefs in one's ability, intelligence, and powers
Regarding grandiosity, there are times when I feel that I'm better than everyone else. I also believe that I have superpowers such as being able to teleport, super hearing powers ( it's as if I can amplify sounds ) and fly.
Depression
- Feeling sad or blue
- Loss of energy ( I oversleep often )
- Difficulty concentrating
- Low energy
- Feeling physically or mentally sluggish or restless and agitated
- Increased need for sleep
- Thoughts of death or suicide
I've also gone through some traumatic events in my life that I won't mention, unless any of you want me to if you think the events may be related to what I'm feeling. ( I'm 15, turning 16, if that matters ) Is this something I should be concerned about? Is it out of the norm to feel this way?
Thanks for reading and I apologise for the long-winded post.
Any advice / help is greatly appreciated.
Last edited by untoldbattles : 26-08-2015 at 04:37 PM.
Reason: Added information.
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