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Old 07-08-2015, 09:52 PM   #1
LyraElyse
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
I am currently:
Lack of support, can anyone relate?

I'm not sure how to even start this, I guess if I say how I've been as of late first it may help someone relate?
For the past 6 months I've been slowly dragged back into depression, not the first time but this time I feel a lot more vulnerable.
I changed jobs that helped feel more positive for a couple of weeks and felt myself getting better until it all kicked back in. I had to quit my job due to my stress levels, not within the job just within, well, me. Not a lot had changed in my life to get me so stressed I just seemed to have enough, my depression was back with full force.
I guess the plan was to leave that current job and have a few weeks holiday as such just to gather my thoughts and myself to feel better.
Hasn't quite worked out as yet. Before I quit my job, I found it hard to go out the house socially, would get very anxious and worry about everything around me. Work even though in a social job somehow didn't make me feel as anxious, I guess it was just work and had to be done.
Now, I find it difficult to walk down the street by myself or go out for a coffee with friends. The only thing I've really comfortably managed to do recently is walk the dogs with my partner. He'll ask if I'd like to go places, even just a supermarket or town but instantly my mind says no and I kinda back out of doing anything.
I have no motivation, and I mean none... Find it hard to even get up and hoover or clean, I just want to go back to bed.
I spend all night awake on my bed while my partner works, I dislike sitting downstairs by myself in fear of someone breaking in or peaking in through a window. I know it's not real but I can sometimes see faces in the darkness at the window.
I've had suicidal thoughts, most days for the past few weeks, managing to wean them off slightly now though. When I was at these really low points and only when I was at these points, I had a voice as such telling me to do it and telling me I was being laughed at or told I was pathetic etc.
I seem to have a lot of confused thoughts and a very foggy mind where some days I just can't concentrate on anything.
I'm horribly irritable, anything can make my mood switch into just rage, no other way to describe it but rage but more at myself rather than whatever sets me off.
I guess that's the main part of how I feel in general recently.
But the point I find hard to talk or "complain" as such about is the lack of support. My family don't know about how bad I feel right now and personally I feel it's best that way for me and for my family, I guess I don't see my family as supportive in that aspect of my life due to never seeking that kind of support since I was a child and it not going down well etc.
I have a partner, who does support me and the choices I make, like quitting my job etc. But I can't help feel that sometimes I'm not listened to when I need to be or my moods can make him stressed as he tries to help me smile or have a laugh but it's impossible.
I see in myself that he does try to help sometimes and I can throw it back. But when I go to ask for help or ask for advice it's not particularly there and I have nowhere else to turn.
On top of that, I can feel him getting stressed and I believe that most of it is from me and how my mood has been for the past few months and the fact that I am currently not bringing in a wage.
I'm not sure where to turn or how to even talk to anyone about this. I guess I am looking for some sort of advice or someone to relate to. I'm not even sure myself.
I apologise for the lengthy post.

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Old 08-08-2015, 02:24 AM   #2
OverEmotional
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
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Im not sure I can give you advice because Im in a similar situation myself, but I can definitely relate.
Ive been with my bf for 5 years now and each year Ive gotten sicker and sicker. At the start we were fun and exciting but now I never want to go anywhere or do anything.

I get such bad anxiety attacks when alone that it really makes it impossible for me to do anything by myself so Im constantly needing him to come every where with me..it sucks because I know this year especially hes getting sick of it all. He'd never say it, but I wish he would! Sometimes I feel like he pities me more than anything and that ****ing hurts. He says its not true but I dont know.

Thankfully I start treatment in 2 weeks..4 years later though. I done so little in that time it only feels like a year.
If you have not already made appointments to see a professional then please do so now. I waited and waited because I believed I could fix it myself but I was wrong. I am now in a mountain of debt and in a very strained relationship, I moved out to the countryside nearly 2 years ago because I couldnt stay in the city anymore as I wasnt coping very well. But because of this I feel I have become even less close with my family :( I really wish I had just taken action back when all this started (I walked out on the job I had for 5 years because of it all) because if you dont act it will just get more intolerable.


Life is to be enjoyed, not endured. The same can be said abou
t our relationships, we must love in a way that the other person feels completely free!
I found acknowledging all the things my partner does to look after me helped me stop becoming so needlessly irritated with him. Sometimes just hearing him chew his dinner made me want to stick a fork in my eye. Which is completely OTT..the guy is just simply eating and doesnt deserve daggers from me or sighing.
But sometimes I just get so frustrated with him, like hes only telling me what he thinks I want to hear and not because its what he actually believes himself. But again, Im sure its done with the best intentions.

Just yesterday he told me how he could see the rage in my eyes while we were discussing a certain thing..its scary to get so randomly angry. It makes me feel really guilty too that its the people I love that get the brunt of it from me...but its because they are they only people I see and can be around!!!
Imagine the shoe was on the other foot and it was our boyfriends who had these crazy mood swings, never wanted to do anything, too scared to go anywhere, always falling out with people because of trust issues..I always ask myself would I put up with it?! I dont know if I could to be honest...so this really helps me see just how much he cares for me too because he could have left long ago if he didnt care.

And they take it from us and do the things they do for us because they love us. The best decision you can make right now is the one where you decide you are going to work at getting better, no matter how tough its going to be. Its going to be a lengthy road for us both but Ive no doubt it will be worth it in the end!! <3

Also another thing Ive been doing is instead of asking myself what Id like to do, or what I want for breakfast etc I make an effort into wondering what would make him happy. It sounds obvious but I was honestly so caught up in myself and my head for so long that I stopped actively ensuring he too was happy.

I hope that helps in anyway at all and at least lets you know that you are not alone. Sorry its soooo long but be happy because I could have kept going :D

Oh and one more thing that I have learned is he doesnt understand it 100% I mean, he knows what ye have discussed but he has never experienced it for himself and therefore doesnt fully get it. So they are doing the best they can with the arsenal they have. They are not trained professionals, they do not know how to correctly handle crisis times and outbursts. Thats why having professional support is necessary! Xxxx


Last edited by OverEmotional : 08-08-2015 at 02:30 AM.
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Old 08-08-2015, 04:20 AM   #3
LyraElyse
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
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Thank you for replying, it does help that there is someone that can relate.

I know how it is with the panic attacks, I'm so nervous with everything and jumpy with little noises when left alone at night (when he works).I know exactly what you mean with wishing he would say it, I know my bf is getting sick of it and I feel like I am making him sick and stressed but he keeps it together mostly.

My partner booked me an appointment at the doctors for Monday as I couldn't bring myself to pick up the phone and go for that help myself. I know I've needed help for a while but like you I thought I'd try fix myself but now that I can see I'm affecting him I want to try something to help me.

Can completely understand where you're coming from with trying to take everything into consideration with what your partner does for you and try not to be irritated by little things, it's so horrible to feel like that about someone you love.

It is horrible and scary to get so randomly angry, I can definitely relate to that, it just kinda appears from something so small that hits a nerve which never really existed before. Yeah, I don't know if I could put up with it, but in the same respect, I've put up with A LOT from his side of the family, not him as such and I guess some of that is to blame for my anxiety but I would never blame him. I am incredibly grateful my boyfriend is still around because without him I really have no support at all, even though I feel like I lack support in some senses, he is all I have.

I'm definitely going to work at getting better and I do have an appointment to see a doctor about it all in a few days to help myself and help not take anything out on others around me

Thank you so much for your advice, I don't think I could have asked for a better answer. I hope that your treatment goes well and you feel better in yourself soon, I'd love to know how it goes and how you are getting on.
We will get where we want to be.

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Old 08-08-2015, 08:40 AM   #4
CupsofTea
 
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: UK
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I am in a very similar situation. My boyfriend is talking to somebody about the stress my mental illnesses is causing him as well as some other more personal struggles and the guilt from that is eating me alive.

All I can suggest is perhaps look at charities that could provide some sort of support in the meantime while going to a GP and saying things aren't well... see if there are any local groups that are catered towards those with mental health problems that provide a distraction, if that makes sense. In my city, there are various groups throughout the weak such as creative writing, cooking, gardening, etc... I found that keeping myself busy (so hard when struggling with depression) somewhat distracts me as it were and stops me from feeling shame about not doing anything "productive".

Gah, sorry. My mind is whirling and none of this probably makes sense. *hugs* you aren't alone... good luck. Keep talking until someone listens. You deserve support.



Fall down 7 times, stand up 8

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Old 08-08-2015, 05:12 PM   #5
LyraElyse
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
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Thank you CupsofTea.

I'll look into seeing if there are any events nearby, I need to start working on going out more as I seem to be getting more and more anxious about leaving the house. It would be good for me to try get to something like that to support me, thank you.
I know exactly what you mean about trying to keep busy, it is horribly difficult with depression, I try be productive around the house and can have good days with that then I can have a couple weeks of just well, nothing. It does have a nasty feeling of shame coming with it when you're not doing anything productive, kind of like a useless feeling. I've always wanted my partner to come home from working long shifts to not have to do anything round the house etc, and some days I even find that difficult.
What makes you get up and do things to make yourself busy may I ask?

And don't worry, it made sense.

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