Help! - Motivation

[Ryumaru]

Hey, I was wondering if anyone had any advice for motivation!

Though my life I've loved many a thing, apparently had talent for a couple, and passion for all of them! As a child I attended singing, dancing, swimming and horse-riding lessons (all of which I was alright at, though if I'd continued swimming it'd be my main career choice right now). But after, let's say about 3-4 years of each, I ended up quitting. This was usually because I grew tired of the routine, and I don't think I saw the improvement I was making.

Now, at the age of 13 I started to teach myself how to play the piano. I did that for about a year, and then after that I attended lessons. I really, REALLY wanted to be a great pianist - more than anything else in the world - and so I went to these lessons and I practiced as much as I could. My family said I was great, I used to go and practice during lunch-time at school, and I really, thoroughly enjoyed it.

But then, after attending lessons for almost two years, I just stopped going. I got bored of the routine, I started having issues regarding anxiety and depression and so I stopped going after school and just went home and slept instead. I completely stopped improving.

Now it's been three years, and I'm still at the stage I was back then. I want to be a pianist - I really, truly do - and it hurts me to look back and see how far I could have progressed in these wasted three years.

I want to go back to lessons…kind of. I don't have enough drive to at the moment, and I'm moving to University in a year's time so I won't be able to keep up lessons then. I guess I'm putting a bunch of excuses in my way, and I know I have to work to be good at something but… I'm just not used to sticking to things: Everything I've tried to do my whole life I've given up on.

So, does anyone have any advice? Any tips to encourage myself to continue? I watch pianists on youtube who inspire me, but then when I go to play I realize how much worse I am than them, or how little I've improved.
Anything would be helpful, guys. I'm eighteen now, and I know I'm already older than a lot of amazing talents out there. I just don't want to waste my supposed 'skill' for the next few years.

Thanks, guys!

[Moonlight Princess]

I don't know if it would help to remember that all the people who inspire you also started where you are. Everybody who found their way to being very skillful started as a beginner (and you're more than that).

You will make mistakes and you will need to learn a lot but mistakes are great things! They are the things that teach us how to get better so keep in mind that every time you make a mistake that is your best opportunity to learn.

I'm wondering a lot of your anxiety comes from comparing yourself to the people that inspire you. That's going to be a downer for anyone when they are learning! Maybe try and focus on what YOU enjoy about the piano, how does it make you feel when you play? Do enjoy finally mastering a tricky piece? Focus on that process and small goals that matter to you. I'm sure as well as being skillful the people that inspire you experienced joy and passion when they played. You can cultivate those things in yourself.

I guess you also have to ask yourself though is this something you really want to do or do you just like the idea of it? I say that because for a long time I really wanted to be an author but I just liked the idea of considering myself a writer I didn't actually want to get through the nitty gritty of becoming one! Actually now I realise that I'm willing to learn my craft but for a long rime it was just the idea that appealed to me!