Sorry to post again..but it's just so rough.

[PoppyLove]

I’m sorry – I feel like I am spamming this forum but I am just in a really rough place right now and I feel like my support system is thin. I may go in for counseling at my university when I start back in a couple of weeks, but it’s hard for me to say these things out loud, so counseling is really difficult for me as well.

I’m just feeling so hopeless. I feel like my problems are silly, but they’re wearing me down completely. My most main problem is the acne I’ve recently posted about; it’s better than it was several years ago but the scarring is there (not just red marks; rolling scars too) and I’ve tried so much. I’m going to go back to a dermatologist and see what can be done, but it’s hard.

I’ve been reading posts on an acne forum, which I shouldn’t do – the people there are so mean and pessimistic, they make me feel worse. But it’s hard not to. I just feel like with all I’ve tried, and what posters there seem to say (not all, but some) that there’s just absolutely no hope and it won’t ever get better anyway.

I also have problems with my dog – I have a behaviorist and we’re set up to do some training exercises in a few weeks. I belong to a really awesome and supportive forum for dogs (I belong to too many forums I guess!) but my other life problems have got me feeling so down; I feel like I’ll get hopeful and it will all be for nothing in this regard to. They’re two different things, but they just feel so related.

On top of that, I’m in school and trying to figure out what I want to do with my life, but I have no idea. I need to work on internships and career fairs, but with my self-esteem where it is, I just can’t. It takes all I have to go to class and work. My twin brother is attractive, perfect skin, career all set up, and everything he wants to do he can do flawlessly – I feel like such a troll in comparison; no matter how hard I work, nothing gets better.

Again, sorry for spamming but I have no idea what to do. I just want to lay down and do absolutely nothing, but even that sounds unappealing.

Thanks.

[Bellatrix]

Sorry you haven't had any replies yet! Sometimes threads get lost, especially if there are many being posted at once.

It sounds like you've got a lot going on at the moment. I'm sorry the acne forum wasn't helpful to you... maybe you could make a post about acne in general support and advice and see if anyone on here can help you?

Feeling hopeless can be really draining. Can you maybe make a list of the good things in your life, including you dog, and try to focus on one or two o those points when you're feeling hopeless?

I hope you are feeling a bit better now?

[PoppyLove]

Thanks Bellatrix. I posted on another anxiety forum I'm a member of and got some help there.

I feel a little better, but I'm hormonal on top of it all so I'm kind of a mess anyway. Honestly, I think my hormones are out of whack and it effects a lot of things - my skin included. We never really considered the hormones too much when I was seeing a derm regularly.

I talked to my mother and we have an appointment in two weeks with a specialist. He works with scarring I think, but is also a dermatologist. I am absolutely terrified - I go back and forth from having hope and thinking he'll take one look at me and tell me I'm beyond fixing. Or that any suggestions he has just won't work. But I'm willing to have the discussion and try.

So, fingers crossed. It'll be a rough few weeks (and maybe longer), that's for sure.

[Too Shy]

Hey,

I can't offer much useful advice I'm afraid, but I hope the appointment in a couple of weeks goes well.

It sounds like it's going to be a difficult few weeks for you, so do keep writing here if it helps to let things out. x

[PoppyLove]

Well, my appointment is this morning.

I am absolutely terrified. I have been sick to my stomach and getting no sleep all week long. It's been a very long time since I've been in such a constant state of panic.

The urge to run and hide is so horribly strong right now. I keep thinking I can't do this, I can't face these people who are going to judge me in a medical sense and I can't face the disappointment of bad, "nothing can be done" news. I'm also terrified that they'll tell me "x will work" and after money spent, it doesn't. More disappointment.

But I realize I have to go. I'm going to have to force myself.