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Inkstains, windowpanes, (words, words, words)
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: USA
I am currently:  
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New Moon - 4am
4:00 A.M. I’m still awake. LED lights glare in my face, taunting my insomnia. The rest of the room has an eerie red glow. I lay still, half curled under my blanket.
Why can’t I sleep?
My mirror reflects the red glow in crystallic patterns on the ceiling above my head. This is so stupid.
I throw the blanket off and roll to the other side of my bed. My feet and legs slide over the edge and I push myself up. I dodge the game chair, foot stool, and bedside table and make it to the window. Curtains tug back, moonlight is lacking but starlight is plentiful. New moon tonight.
I stare at the void where the satellite should be. Emptiness sets in me. But why should it? I despise a waxing moon and live for the waning one. Full, I hate, so new, I should love. Right? Maybe I just miss the waning crescent. I have just over two weeks then. I trace the bite scar on my neck and shoulders.
Memories of pain flash. I wince and jerk my hand away. It’s times like these that I feel like what I am.
A monster.
But I didn’t choose to be this way! I don’t want to be this way! I hate it! That’s where my bloody insomnia comes from! I don’t want to live. Why can’t I die? A life with no friends and a family that fears you is not worth living. I’m sorry. I really am. I hate thinking about it. About what I did to you.
But you never admitted that I did anything, did you? No. You said I was innocent and it would have happened anyway.
Damn. Why can’t I just sleep?
Curtains tug closed, starlight shut out. I maneuver back to bed and curl under the blanket again. My eyes close, and the wind howls. A chill blows through the room. The window’s open now. Curtains ruffle, papers flutter, floor groans. Someone sits on my bed. My eyes stay shut. The visitor sings your lullaby. Something’s touching my face. I peek out of one eye.
My heart stops.
There you are, pale as paper. A star missing from the sky. No, because you are more than a star, for there is only one of you to behold. Your hand is cool against my cheek, soothing me. I vaguely register that you should be warm. Questions form as realization hits. But you continue to sing in your mercurial voice, refusing to let me ask any of them.
I glance at your eyes and see solid black. Purple bruises stain your face beneath them. You look away and finish singing. I curl into your frozen chest, wanting to listen to your heartbeat. It’s not there. I look at you and smile, accepting you. Your cold breath brushes my ear as you sigh in relief. No matter what, you’re still you.
Stone lips capture mine, sending my heart to flutters. Love reassured, lips lonely, window closed. Eyes open, searching for the clock.
5:00 A.M. I’m awake. Were you even here? I stumble to the window and jerk the curtains. The morning’s first light begins to show. I look at where the moon was just an hour ago. A tiny sliver is there.
Window thrown open, head stuck out, wind howls. It sings to me. Your lullaby. I can’t help but grin.
Skin chills, window closed. I return to bed, slipping into the sheets. I dream of you. Of you here with me, kissing me, loving me.
Who the hell says we can’t be together?
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