Me, Myself & I

[Gremlin24]

Hey.

I've been on here for a few years now and haven't really posted a thread or spoke to anyone. I noticed what a helpful and supportive community we have on here and i felt now its time i said something and spoke to people rather than just myself.

I'm 22 years old, and its just me really.
Ive been having problems with maintaining friendships, keeping them together, and its gotten to the stage where i cannot trust anyone, i feel anxious, alone and really down.

Ever since i was at school i had friends, and one by one they seemed to turn their back on me, be my friend to gain something out of me be it money, food, presents, homework etc..
Then after school either friends moved away or as i said before, they just used me and when they couldn't get anything else out of me then just stopped talking.
I feel like i did everything i could to keep my friendships there but bad and over-complicated things happened and they didn't wanna know me.

In the last 2 years i lost who i considered a friend, when actually they wanted me for food, tobacco or money, i couldn't keep helping them as my money and patience ran dry. And then they just left me.

i don't work, i don't socialize so now i feel alone, like nobody wants me and it makes me wonder.. what was it i was meant to do? or be? what makes me such a nasty useless person that nobody wants to bother with me :/

I guess i'm just looking for someone to talk to. Anyone who wouldn't mind talking to a weirdo like me.
I don't think i'm a nasty person, i give all that i have or earned. and i just want a friend. i don't wanna face this alone anymore.

Thank you for reading.

Sorry for sounding like a selfish cow.

<3

[Pi.R^2]

I'm sorry you've had some difficult friendships in the past. You don't sound like a selfish cow or nasty or useless.

It's completely understandable to be in a position where you struggle to trust people, after everything you've been through. In terms of seeking out new friends, could you try to restrain your generosity, at least initially? That way you could feel more confident that the people hanging around with you were there because they like who you are, not what they can get from you?

[Gremlin24]

Hey.

Yeah your probably right, I just don't like seeing people who need a bit of a helping hand... suppose some people take it for granted huh ? :/

x

[Pi.R^2]

Yeah, I think they do. It's lovely that you like to give a helping hand- I'm not saying don't ever do it, but maybe just wait until you know someone well and trust them before being generous with your time or resources.

[Gremlin24]

Yeah, I thought i knew them long enough we were friends for a good 7 - 8 years. Just a bit hard letting go of someone you considered to be your really good best friend. :/ thank for the help guys x

[Greenevlyn]

I'm exactly the same as you, it's like reading something I would write. I'm 25 now, I've had friends, but somehow they all seem to dissipate as if there is something wrong with me that makes them end up hating me and leaving the friendship. I used to send money to my 'best friend' when she ran away, and be there for her, but one day she came back to the area, came to my house for 5 minutes to take some numbers, and arranged to meet me the next day and she 'forgot', and that was that!

I often wonder if there is something wrong with me too. It happens in relationships also! Reinforcing my belief that there is something wrong with me! Most of the time I feel worthless, not having friendships used to get me down, but then I realise I don't have to put up with the dramas of friendship any more by not having any. Like that drama of oh so and so is talking behind so and so's back, or that friend flirted with so and so's boyfriend, and dealing with fakeness, and exclusion etc.

I don't really have any advice, I'm sure there's nothing wrong with us though right? Lots of people thrive in solitude, just think, it gives you more time to focus on yourself positively, no distractions for you to follow your dreams.

What are your dreams? Mine are to become a stock trader, so I devote my time to studying online using YouTube and articles. What interests you?