A bit anxious.

[Aubergine]

I'm going back to work tomorrow after being off for 4 weeks. I'm feeling better emotionally and am ready to go back, but I'm really nervous about it. I can't believe I've taken this much time off again. I'm so unreliable. I feel like I'm like a big advert for who not to employ. "Hey, don't employ mental people - they never turn up." I feel like I've let other people with MH stuff down because I'm not being a very good example of someone with issues in the workplace.


I'm ashamed. My colleagues know that I have hurt myself because it says so on the fit note that the GP provided. My manager is absolutely lovely, but not always the most discreet. They have all been absolutely lovely about it, but it doesn't change how I feel.


I'm also a bit worried because my manager isn't in tomorrow, so we have her second cover in. He's absolutely lovely and brilliant at his job, but he's very anxious. It sounds awful, but I have enough of my own anxiety to keep under control. Things also take much longer to be processed with him because he's quite slow. Not a problem from my end, as I'd rather him be slow and get things right, but patients don't always see it like that.


Any tips on keeping the anxiety under control enough to enable me to get out of the front door tomorrow? Thoughts? Experiences? Hugs? :)

[Serendipity.]

Hey lovely. I wish I had some useful words of wisdom but sadly I am rather lacking in that department at the moment.

I do want to say though that you are absolutely not letting anyone down, and I don't think you're unreliable either. There are worse things than needing a bit of time off sometimes; it's much better to recognize when you shouldn't be at work and focus on getting yourself well again than to show up and do a bad job. I recall your manager and colleagues saying lovely things about you and they just wouldn't do that if you weren't an asset to the team. You seem to be so hard on yourself a lot of the time and I just wish you could extend the same compassion to yourself that you show to everyone else. A lot of us here have had time off for mental health stuff, and I know you wouldn't say the same things to us. You don't deserve it either.

In terms of work tomorrow, I know it's tough going back after time off, but try to remind yourself of how supportive your colleagues are, and the bits of your job that you enjoy once you get there.

In the morning, maybe just focus on one thing at a time? Thinking about getting through the whole day can be so overwhelming, but if you think about just getting in the shower (or whatever), then leaving the house, then going in the door, it can be a little easier.

It must be extra hard that it isn't your usual manager and to top it off, it's an anxious person! But remember that your colleagues know you've been unwell - so perhaps they would understand if you do find yourself needing a breather for a few minutes. Try to just stay focused on what you have to do and don't worry too much about how he's doing or people's reactions (I know that is easier said than done!)

Is there anything you can take with you that makes you feel more at ease? I know sometimes just taking a nice lunch made me feel a little better even when I was miserable at work :P (But then I just like food!) Can you plan to treat yourself somehow after work - even if that just means a nice relaxing evening in front of the telly, or a bath (if you like baths!) or whatever.

You can do this. You are wonderful and you're going to be just fine <3

[Aubergine]

Thanks Hannah. You are full of wise words. :)


My job is the kind where it's not brilliant to make mistakes, and I was quite low and unable to concentrate fully, so that's one reason for not going. I have been before when they've put me on date checking or stock taking so I don't do any dispensing, but I didn't feel able to do that this time.


I think I struggle with the notion of me having been unwell for the past monthish. It wasn't pleasant and I did struggle, but I didn't end up in psychiatric hospital and didn't even need the crisis team. I sometimes forget that people (me?) can be unwell without being unwell to the extent that they need to be detained. I feel like a bit of a fraud though. Lots of people cope with low mood and carry on regardless. Why can't I do that?


I sent a text to the colleague I'm closest to, to say I was a bit worried about going in tomorrow. She was so nice to me. Really, really lovely. I was worried we'd also be one down because there's a technician on holiday as well as my manager, but they've drafted someone else in so we have a full team. That feels a bit better. The colleague I spoke to is in all day tomorrow with me, so that makes it feel more OK.


That's a good idea about one thing at a time. :) My uncle is taking me in to work, so I don't have to worry about that. My Dad is picking me up and coming back to mine for coffee, which is something to look forward to. I think I might treat myself to a costa in the morning, as there's one in the hospital - there's something comforting about a milky latte or a hot chocolate.


Thanks again, Hannah. :)

[The Queen of Peace]

Hi, this post could literally have been written by me! In March I was signed off sick and on my return, I was really anxious too.

*hugs* You're not "mental" - you have mental health problems that sometimes prevent you from working. Would you feel this way if you were signed off with a physical problem? Also, would you speak to someone else who was signed off for the same reasons as you as you are speaking to yourself?

I see what you mean about feeling ashamed, but it's important to try to put yourself in their shoes. If they are nice about it to you,they're likely not saying anything behind your back.

I agree with Hannah's point about not seeing it as a day at work, but breaking it into small tasks. I see waking up as one task, getting ready as another, getting the bus as a third, etc.

When I get home from work I always have plans to keep me happy. So for instance on some days I go to classes at my local gym, some I go and see my grandparents, whatever you like to do is good to keep you away from depressed/anxious mindframe.

Lots of people plod along whilst feeling crappy their whole lives, but that's them, and that's not you. Some people cope by plodding along miserably, others can't. It doesn't make you less of a person, it makes you different to people who plod on. Feeling unwell isn't defined by being hospitalised. Some people have never been hospitalised by still struggle with mental health issues, in fact, plenty have. It doesn't make their feelings any less valid than someone who is in hospital's. In addition, maybe it's better to look at it from a different point of view: "I managed to realise when I was struggling early enough to catch it and take some time off before things got bad enough for a hospital admission, which is a step in the right direction for my coping skills and recovery." Because ultimately, you may have ended up off work for a lot longer if you'd ignored all the signs that caused you to take the time off in the first place.

It's really good that you ended this with some positivity - you must be relieved at how lovely your colleague was, and the lack of short staff. Also, making plans with your family is a good idea to keep busy from worrying about work when you're not there. Leave worrying about work for working hours, you're not paid to worry about it when you're not there!:P

I really hope yout first day back went OK. *hugs* (Also, apologies for random words or spelling mistakes, I'm only phone.)