Boundaries

[when.will.it.end]

Hey peeps. Just looking for some advice.

Basically there is this guy who moved into the hostel I live at about a month ago. He's got very attached to me very quickly and although he's aware of his attachment issues and how he is suffocating and attached, he seems unwilling or unable to do anything about it.

He opened up to me, said I'm his only friend and that he is very lonely. He told me he's on drugs and doesn't seem them as a problem. He had a seizure in therapy and went to hospital. I went down to see him (literally was just planning on a 20 minute chat) but we were put in the waiting room and he fitted again. Seeing him fit was horrendous. Staff were very slow on the uptake so me and another member of the public were left to deal with it.

Following this he carried on using and offering me stuff. He texts me constantly. I ended up inpatient, partly due to the stress, and a couple of nights before my birthday I got a text at 2am saying what he had taken was '****ing amazing' and then I didn't hear anything. As he normally texts constantly I was worried he had fitted again/died/overdosed etc. and I contacted people I could. Apparently staff (who are only there during working hours) saw him passed out and did nothing. I went back to the hostel with my mum on my birthday and found him unable to walk or talk. He's pissed himself because he couldn't make it to the bathroom in time. Apparently he had taken a **** ton of like 6 different medications and had not gone to hospital for it.

Anyway, after all this I tried (again) to put clear boundaries in place. From the beginning I told him I couldn't be a professional or anything like that for him and I needed to look after myself. not least because I'm inpatient following a serious overdose. I repeatedly told him to leave me alone until I felt ready to talk. He ignored this and has continued texting me. On my birthday he drunkenly tried to persuade me to get high with him on the ward. Like, no way mate.

So. I have somewhere else to live but it's not available for 3 weeks and I get discharged in a week so I will have 2 weeks living with him again. I've told the ward the situation and he's banned from visiting me which makes me feel safer here at least. but I'm worried that the stress of being back there will trigger me to relapse again. I can't get him to understand clear boundaries and that I need my space. I don't know what to do.

Can anyone relate? Got any tips? Sorry I've gone on loads. It's stressful!

[when.will.it.end]

Thanks x

Yes, I've talked to staff about it which is why he's now banned from the ward. I don't really have anywhere else to stay for those two weeks. The manager of the new place I'm moving to is suggesting I try and stay here for those two weeks although that's completely the consultants decision so I don't have much say, but I will ask. They seem to think I'm engaging well so this will presumably help my case. I could argue that if home was so stressful I would just end up back here then I may as well stay here?

I think there is a way of blocking numbers which I could try and do? I need to do something. It's having a big effect on my eating & drinking and I need to get myself together asap. Clearly trying to explain boundaries to him doesn't work.

[when.will.it.end]

Those are great ideas thank you.

I've tried to talk to staff at the hostel a couple of times. They seem a bit clueless but are now aware at least. The manger of the place I'm moving to is also the manger of the place I'm currently at but he's not based there. He came to see me on the ward last week when he offered me another place. D didn't want me to tell staff about his drug use but I ended up telling him everything so he is now aware. He's been very understanding and I've been extremely fortunate to be offered another place so quickly. Just have a couple of weeks to fill.

I'll see what happens tomorrow. I might be able to stay here a bit longer/move in slightly earlier I don't know. Nothing happens on wards at weekends so hopefully they'll be some movement tomorrow!

[when.will.it.end]

There's no places there until end of July. I could stay with my mum for a weekend but no really two weeks.

The other guy (not the difficult one, someone else) has just turned up at the unit. He's been doing drugs with said guy and is now on section 2. That's 2 out of 4 people from the whole ****ing hostel. Surely something has to be done?

[when.will.it.end]

Right, so apparently there is a crisis house type thing I can stay at for two weeks in between discharge and the move. I won't be in hospital for the extra two weeks. It's good I won't be here and have somewhere to go but it means moving twice in a very short space of time. That being said I don't want to be stuck in hospital or back at home with addicts. I don't know much about the new place but think it's short term and staffed 24/7. You know what mental health hostels are like, it could be a complete shithole but worth a shot I guess!