I took the road less travelled by and that has made all the difference

[Gambling with life]

Hello everyone,

I need some help. I'm a 25 year old Irish male and i'm well and truly lost for the first time in my life. I feel like I have lost purpose. I have repeat exams coming up (my second try at university) and I really am not interested in doing them at all. I feel like i'm addicted to my computer as I spend on average 80 hours a week using it. I quit university/college the first time to play online poker for a living (I have a strong math background and the idea of making a living whilst just having to use a laptop and my mind intrigued and excited me). This went very well for a couple of years and I lived foreign in beautiful countries such as Malta. Then I started to feel a little empty inside. I felt like I wasn't contributing to society in any way. So I returned to university september 2013 where I started to feel good again. Everything was going great until the start of 2015. Although poker wasn't my job anymore, I still considered it my 'weekend job' to pay for fees, life expenses etc. Then I went on the biggest downswing I have ever experienced ( essentially an extended period of losing against the run of cards. Although I was getting in my money profitably, variance decided to kick my ass and I lost a lot of money). This made me feel very down and i'm still feeling the same way today.Also, wasting so much on drink, drugs while living ' the high life' has also had a negative impact.

My current situation is that i'm left with ~5,000 euros to my name. This is a lot less than I have had personally for quite a long time and it is effecting me mentally. I have a car that needs servicing,tax, insurance. I have last semester fees to pay for. I am very unfit as of today even though I am usually very physically fit and for the whole of 2014, I spent at least 250 days in a gym. But I just seem to be scared or something...I don't understand what's going on.I guess a ht in confidence has made me fear losing instead of embracing failure and learning from it and come back stronger. I just can't seem to deal right now.Any of you nice people have any advice for me? I really want to get back on that horse and succeed I just don't know what's the correct way to go about it. I continually just end up confusing myself, then just do nothing and go to my room and watch stupid youtube videos...

Any methods to really get myself in tune, back to a good mindset would be greatly appreciated as I feel i'm wasting all the talent that I have been given.

[Gambling with life]

Success for me would be having a family,being a good father, husband and person in general. I just feel so bogged down right now I don't know where to start. I am so bored with the math in my degree. I have no desire to do my repeats even though I probably should.

I sometimes think about leaving for the US as i'm a US citizen aswell as Irish and just starting a new life away from evrything/everyone i have surrounded myself with in the past 7 or so years.

I mean for the past few months I have literally just stayed in my room watching stupid tv shows, smoking pot, eating unhealthily, no working out. When I go out with my friends, we binge drink to the extent that we can't remember half the night and that is no exaggeration. Meanwhile, poker profits fuel this silly, empty lifestyle.

If you were in my shoes, what would you do?

[Gambling with life]

By the way I know I sound like a little douche who needs to grow up. But, I just don't seem to have it in me to get up and do anything. This feeling is weird and I have never experienced it before. I mean I was never one to work overly hard or anything but I wouldn't have considered myself really lazy either. When tasks had to be done, i found a way to get them done on time. Now though, I just shy away from the pressure and hope things sort themselves out( which is obviously never going to be the case).

[Gambling with life]

Cheers for the replies, I appreciate any pieces of advice.FWIW I have always worked better as part of a team and tend to contribute more to things when someone else is relying on me. Where I really get stuck is when i'm left to my own devices...I tend to mess up pretty bad then.