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major depression
Hey everyone,
I have suffered from major depression/generalized anxiety/social anxiety since a child. I am currently on medication to manage it, but lately I've been feeling incredibly sad. There is a lot that has been going in lately. I work and go to school so finals are coming up, I just kicked my best friend out of my life because of her narcissism alcoholism and drug use, I "dated" a guy who is also pretty narcissistic and manipulative, he is trying to come back in my life and I know i don't want to be with him but feel so socially inept I feel I have to settle with him cause he at least accepts me. I have a horrible time leaving my house for anything, have missed probably the last 2 or 3 weeks of school, I feel so awkward at work because I feel so socially awkward I don't talk much and I work in in home health care with really nice people but for some reason I feel like they don't like me or I worry about not doing a good enough job. Its like I feel so desperate for friends now that I'm trying to reconnect with other friends of mine but I'm concerned since I never leave my house they think that I'm a flake or bad friend, I've been crying randomly and crying at stupid stuff like singing in my car if I hit a high pitch or something I get emotional. I'm overweight I have binge eating disorder and used to be bulimic but now that I'm not bulimic I have packed on weight and I feel like being bulimic again although I won't because I understand the negative impacts it has on your body. I feel guilty because my mom always tries to reach out but I feel resentment from my childhood so her affection makes me annoyed.
I just feel like my anxiety is building up so much I'm gonna build a bomb shelter and live down there by myself hidden until all my food expires. I had to stop a medication that really helped me because it caused weight gain. Now I am much more anxious and I see a therapist biweekly but I don't see her until next Tuesday and I'm absolutely miserable :( I can't distract myself because of finals I have to study so I sit in isolation in my room for hours.
I don't even know what I'm looking for here but my social anxiety is killing me.
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