stopping depression from progressing

Arienette · 28-05-2015, 11:46 AM

i think I'm starting to get a bit depressed. I have fleeting thoughts about depressing things, but so far i can tame them and i can challenge them.

I'm mainly noticing that I'm really unmotivated and am struggling to get out of bed massively. I spend about 3-4 hours in bed trying to get up each day: and I just don't understand why its difficult for me.

On top of the voices. And I'm really unmotivated to do anything. I'm trying really hard to write lists to make sure I'm staying doing things, but if i let it take over i would spend all day staring at the ceiling or wall -which is what i spend a lot of time doing when I'm depressed.

I don't feel actively depressed or hopeless. And Im not tearful. I just can't be bothered to do anything.

has anyone got other ideas i could use to try and stop myself from getting worse, because i really don't want to get worse at all - and i hate that I'm starting to struggle again.

x

Pi.R^2 · 30-05-2015, 11:21 AM

Are you on any kind of anti-depressant? Maybe it would be a good idea to speak with someone on your team about medication as that can really help as an early intervention to prevent a depressive episode taking hold.

In terms of getting up, do you feel better once you're up? I always find getting up is never as traumatic as sleepy me thinks it is, yet somehow sleepy me can never be convinced of this. If you have an iphone, there's a horrific alarm called FreakyAlarm which along with a collection of nefarious noises and puzzles there is an option of setting a photo that you have to match to turn it off (I set it as a photo of my bathroom tiles, so it won't shut the hell up until I go to the bathroom and line up the iphone camera with the tiles). This sounds like a really terrible solution for someone who's feeling down already, but I find that being unable to motivate myself to get out of bed just makes me feel even worse, so being forced out of bed would be helpful for me. Feel free to ignore this though if it just sounds awful.

Arienette · 30-05-2015, 06:50 PM

Thanks. I feel better when I'm doing because I'm not thinking but getting going is tough. I'm trying to stick to my commitments to keep me going bc as soon as I stop I don't start again for ages and it spirals.

I had a race today which helped distract me and force me up: and I had a nice time. At least I'm still able to have a nice time but once I'm in bed that's it for ages. I'm spending about 12 hours a day in bed hating life and feeling dark.

I think I'll try using a more annoying alarm bc I'm able to sleep right through/ignore my current one. It doesn't bother me at all.

Once I'm out the door Ido feel better I just need to keep getting out the door. I'm scared of stopping like before and I'm scared of becomin depressed like I did before.

I'm already on anti-D's although my dose was lowered when I was manic. I'm on quetiapine for mood stabiliser as well. I feel like these meds help: try take te edge off it and make things more stable than they would otherwise I'm just so scared of becoming depressed again bc I've come so far it's scary to think I could lose interest in a life I've even building for myself and workig towards.

I'm trying to not think along those lines though bc I know thinking about it in that way won't help.

I just want to keep functioning at an alright level and manage.

It could be worse too bc I'm a bit overwhelmed with getting a new SW and a new psych and a new everyone except gp bc my current CC was locum and I have to meet these people on my own whereas before I had support.

Sorry I ranted.

IronManStark · 30-05-2015, 06:55 PM

I have a similar thing, and although I do have motivation to go out and do stuff, I spend the majority of my time in bed. Bed's nice, bed's warm, and it won't hurt you. I'm just tired a lot.
Ha sorry, what I wanted to say was I'm here for you should you ever need to talk *hug*

Arienette · 30-05-2015, 10:12 PM

thanks.

I don't really like spending too much time in bed when i'm well. I like to sleep then just get up.

I don't really feel rested at the moment either.

Although I got a letter that i could be entitled to more help fro DWP so I might use that towards a counsellor or some other support network or something - because i'm scared of becoming depressed now i live on my own especially bc when i'm very down i get suicidal but really i don't want to die so i don't want to be tricked by depression into thinking i want to die.

i'm trying to hold on to the fact that i KNOW I don't want to die, and that everything depression tells me about myself is lies (like being worthless and useless and horrible etc)

x

Arienette · 31-05-2015, 04:25 PM

Ugh. Today I feel terrible. :(

Ballerina123 · 31-05-2015, 05:24 PM

Have you spoke to your team? Is there any help they can offer?
Also there is a good book called overcoming mood swings which has so really good tips in it. I think you might already have it x

Arienette · 31-05-2015, 06:06 PM

It's Sunday and on weekends they say go to A&E, but I'm not in crisis.

Thoughts of suicide keep coming into my head, and it's upsetting me because I feel scared of depression stealing my ability to see and enjoy all the good stuff in my life.

I see them on Wednesday but If I'm still feeling awful tomorrow I will phone them.

It's been really hard to not just cry all day long. I made myself go out the house and I bought a foam roller so that was something positive. Then I sat in Costa having a coffee so I was out, and I just wanted to cry at my table but I managed to distract myself with YouTube videos of climbing and the triathlon today.

I just HATE it when you constantly have to distract yourself because as soon as you stop your mind starts thinking, "**** I want to die" and another part of me is like, "hellloooo what the **** are you thinking that for?!?!" At least I have the second voice, but it's tiring, really tiring.

Ballerina123 · 31-05-2015, 10:24 PM

Have you tried writing down 2 or 3 things each day you are thankful for. Gratitude can play a big part in positive thinking and making you great full for what you have and your day x

IronManStark · 01-06-2015, 04:37 AM

I agree with ballerina123, you should try making positive lists (and I probably should too but I'm far better at helping others than myself! :P guess that's just who I am)

Epicene · 01-06-2015, 08:00 AM

Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you. You are fighting the depressed thoughts and voices and that's a really important thing. Keep on fighting!

Arienette · 01-06-2015, 12:05 PM

Thanks for your support. I started the 100 days happy thing again on my Instagram to help with gratitude and trying to enjoy some stuff.

I'm seeing my ex today- we're good friends still. I didn't want to bc I wanted to stay at home and run. It's getting me out though and might help my mood. I dot want her to know I'm struggling bc I don't want her to worry.

I think she's already a bit :/ bc I'm going later than I said I would bc I struggled to get out of bed.

X

Arienette · 03-06-2015, 09:24 PM

Going away helped a little but I felt rough (med post)

I'm still quite low but I saw my team this morning and met my new CC. She seems nice.

I'm doing quite a lot to try and stop getting low.

But need to slow down bc my knees are buggered bc of overuse on the running front. (Too much too quick)

Which is upsetting. I wish I was iron woman