What will the GP do? *contains brief mention of abuse*
Hello, firstly sorry if this is the wrong place to post, I wasn't sure whether to post here or the Abuse and Bullying forum. If it's better there please feel free to move it! Apologies in advance.
I've been struggling quite a lot recently due to past abuse. My friend is basically forcing me (in a caring way) to go to my GP because she doesn't think I have enough support at the moment (I'm very reluctant). The GP knows about past MH issues; eating disorder, self harm and attempted suicide. I've been on meds before, been involved with the ED team and had various therapists (I'm not sure the GP knows about this actually). I'm also currently seeing a therapist through a charity, she is lovely but she doesn't specialize in abuse or anything related and really appreciate her support but I'm not sure she is of a huge help.
Does anyone have any idea what the GP would do or offer me? I'm reluctant to go back because I have had so much support in the past and it just seems ridiculous that I'm still struggling. But at the same time I feel I have reached crisis point and would like to avoid another suicide attempt.
Also, I understand this is the whole point, but the GP doesn't know about the past abuse (very few people IRL do) and I would very much like to avoid saying this... (aside from the fact even saying it practically tears me apart!) It deeply worries me having it on any official records as it makes me feel very unsafe. Is there anyway I can avoid mentioning the abuse while still getting the point across? I realise this is probably going to be a "no, tell the GP" but it's worth a shot!
Sorry I didn't mean for this to be so long. But if anyone has any advice on what to do or any experience it would be incredibly appreciated. Thank you all so much for reading.
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?
I don't know if this would help but I came across I website recently that helps you to prepare for talking through mental health stuff with your GP.
With mentioning the abuse could you go with something like "there is something from my past which is affecting me and it is causing me to suffer with my mental health at the moment. I'm sorry this is as much detail as I can give you right now and it was difficult for me to mention this at all"
First off, I'm glad your friend is encouraging you to seek help and that you're taking her seriously. You absolutely shouldn't be ashamed that you still need support despite having been offered things before. It doesn't matter how much or how little support you have had in the past, the point is that you are struggling right now. There are a number of things that can be put in place to try and support you, and just because things haven't 'cured' you in the past doesn't mean they won't help now either.
In terms of disclosing to your GP, there are ways around it. You could explain that you're struggling a lot right now with your mental health and that it is being triggered by having experienced traumatic events. You could say you had a difficult childhood and choose not to elaborate any further. If telling your GP what happened will trigger off further anxiety for you then it's probably a wise thing to think carefully about how to explain it. Though I would advise maybe mentioning it in more detail if you have an assessment with a mental health team/psychologist etc. But don't worry about that until it happens!
Sarah, that website sounds really helpful, if you remember it at all that would be really useful thank you. I really should be able to talk to GP's by now I feel like I've seen enough of them! That sounds like a good idea, mentioning the past in that way thank you. Do you think the GP will probe at all, or will they just accept what I say? Thinking about even saying anything is making me anxious, I know it's a little ridiculous.
Thank you J, your suggestion with what to say was really helpful as well. I'm worried they won't know what to do because I haven't fully disclosed, or as mentioned above they'll probe and I'll panic. I also don't feel like there is much more they can do, I've been on lots of different meds and therapies and I still feel like I'm failing. Admittedly as they didn't know about the past, I couldn't be supported fully.
Sorry I don't mean to be so negative. Thank you both for your replies, they were really helpful.
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?
I think a GP (or other professional) would appreciate your boundaries and not probe further. They won't want to trigger you or make things any harder. I don't think they actually need to know the nature of the trauma in order to refer you on to appropriate services either; knowing you had a hard upbringing and suffer from PTSD symptoms will likely be enough information to go on.
Please don't feel hopeless though. If meds haven't worked in the past it could just be you haven't found the right ones, or that a combination may be needed. You've also never had therapy around the issues from the past, but also you may just never have clicked enough with a therapist. So much of therapy is about the relationship and trust in your therapist, more so than the type of therapy. So there is always hope, even when it doesn't feel like it.
Thank you Sarah, the website looks really helpful and well laid out. It's useful to be able to break it down. Thank you both for the reassurance on what the GP will ask. It makes sense they would understand how difficult it would be for me and would hopefully appreciate that.
Thank you J, sorry I didn't mean to sound so negative. I completely understand what you are saying and I know I was never going to be able to fully recover when the cause was never addressed. Sometimes it is a little difficult to see that, but it helps when others say there is still hope.
I actually booked the appointment today (I sort of already told my friend I had...) and it's not until next Thursday now. This also all seems a little pointless as I'm leaving where I am for Uni in a month or so... but the friend said it may help to get things together or September (not so convinced!). Thank you all.
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?
I am so sorry I can't offer more support at the moment but please know that I am thinking of you.
I was in a pretty similar situation a few years ago. Part of me didn't want to tell my GP and part of me realised in order to get the right support, I had to tell her. I ended up telling her, in a letter, about the past; it was still ever so difficult but it helped a lot. She was so understanding and said given my history, she wasn't surprised in anyway. Yes it's on my records but it's totally confidential. If I have to see another GP as an emergency appointment, they will never bring it up which is good. I do feel it's important for your GP to know but I understand this is a very big step and often takes time.
I'm proud you managed to tell your therapist k, you did really well and i can imagie how hard that was for you.im really glad its all kept confidential too.
thank you for asking j, my appointment is tomorrow morning. im really freaking out about it im not sure i want to say anything anymore but ive been really really struggling ad things are getting pretty bad but im really scared. ive had so long to think about it thet i dont think i can say anymore
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?
I really hope the appointment goes well. Please do try to be honest about how you are. Love xx
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
It went okay. I didn't manage to say as much as I wanted to, but I did mention that something had happened in the past and she didn't push. I have limited time here so there wasn't much she could do, but she said she will set up some more support for me in September.
She also have me 4 months worth of anti depressants (citalopram) that I've been on before... I'm a bit worried about this. And confused why she did this, I'm not the best with large doses of medication and I'm pretty sure they are aware of this. Also I've been on citalopram before and it wasn't massively helpful, I attempted suicide while on the meds. I dunno maybe they'll help to get me through the summer I'm just a bit concerned.
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?
I'm guessing she gave you meds for that length of time because you're going to the States for a while. Is there a way you can twist this into a positive (ie I cant OD because it'd to help me go on a trip I really want to go on). It's probably worth giving them another go, just keep mindful of any symptom changes. They're not going to cure everything and you may sometimes feel suicidal, but it might just raise your mood and lower the anxiety so you can cope with triggers more effectively.
I'm really proud of you for going and pleased she will be sorting more support for you in September.
Thanks J. I don't want to OD and I know that so hopefully I'll be able to keep them safe. I don't remember picking up the prescription or my therapy session, Ive dissociated a lot today.
Thank you all so much for your support. Hopefully things will be able to improve come September. Thank you.
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?
Could you lock the pills away in a mini-safe of some sort and put it out of the way? Even a little distance between you and the pills could be helpful,and I don't know if you have concerns about ODing when dissociated, but if so, putting extra barriers may be especially helpful there, as your dissociated self may not remember when they are hidden, where the key is etc.
Thanks Jenna, I've given the medication to my friend who is keeping it safe for me and only allowing me to take them when I am meant to. I am worried about ODing while dissociated but I feel safer knowing she has them, and I don't know where they are in her room.
Thank you all ever so much for your support. I really appreciate it.
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?
I'm going away for 3 and a half months (I'm doing Camp Anerica). I don't know anyone who is going. But where I'm going you have to give all your meds to the nurses office and go in eAch day to get them. Which ik I strongly grateful for. The only time I'll be slightly unsafe is for the 2 weeks before I go as I'll be home and no one can look after my meds for me. (I feel pathetic that I need someone to keep them because I'm irresponsible). I'm worried because the nurse when I'm away will know what the meds are for and it might be an issue.
Sorry I don't know why I'm still potinh it's all okay now! But thank you all so much for your continued replies.
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?
