I had a doctors appointment a few days ago for a medication review (Prozac and Propranolol, amongst other drugs).
I was extremely anxious about going in the first place, but I thought my best bet would to be honest about how I was feeling.
I told her for the past few months my anxiety has been through the roof, I've not had one panic attack, but a constant debilitating anxiety.
I was prescribed Propranolol for panic attacks around two years ago and it helped the symptoms of a panic attack (rapid heart rate, shaking, sweating, ect), but because at the moment I'm not having panic attacks, but constant anxiety, I find propranolol absolutely useless.
I've been free of self harm for nearly three years, but this anxiety the past few months has led me to have around six or so episodes of self-harm. That's how bad it is.
I told the doctor all of this, even about the self-harming.
Her response was that she could increase my prozac as that would help with the anxiety, but then looking at my notes realised she couldn't because I'm already on the maximum dose!
She then said I should make an appointment with Mental Health Services to see someone about having CBT.
I haven't been under Mental Health Services since 2010 when I was finally discharged when they realised there was nothing more they could do for me. It was only when I was finally discharged that I started to improve, since then my progress has been exceptional.
I cannot go back under the mental health services. They made my life more hell than it already was. I never improved once with them. It's like the doctor is asking me to go five years back in time!
I won't be seeing them, end of. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to as I have no transport and I cannot just "get a taxi/the bus". Not only that, but there's a waiting list to - great for someone who is having extreme short term anxiety, when there are medications that can be given.
All I wanted from the appointment was understanding and a new anti-anxiety medication that wasn't specifically for panic attacks like Propranolol, so I wouldn't keep heading back down the self-destruction road. I don't know what to do.
Oh Katie, that sounds rubbish. Do you think you could go back and see someone else and explain why you don't want to see MH services again? Sometimes particular people just don't 'get' things, and trying again with someone else can help.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
Thank you for your reply. :)
I have been thinking about seeing another doctor, yes. Although, I'm terrified of seeing another doctor like her, where I'm pouring my heart out and then having it thrown back in my face. It really disheartens me.
I haven't had a regular doctor in nearly three years, because the doctor I did see and couldn't fault, left a few years ago. She was so understanding and knew I wouldn't go down the CBT/MH Services road, but told me the offer was there should I ever change my mind and would prescribe me medication as needed instead.
She was the doctor who prescribed me propranolol in the first place, and said should it ever stop working, there are other anti-anxiety medications I could have, such as Benzodiazepines. I was so sorry she left.
I haven't found a doctor as good as her, so I've been avoiding going to the doctors the last few years until I HAD to go a few days ago for a medication review, otherwise the chemist would refuse to dispense anymore of my medication.
This anxiety is overwhelming, and I've been making such good progress and looking into work experience and maybe a small part time job if all goes well, but this anxiety is going to hold me back on that. If I could just have a medication that would relax me, I'd be fine and carry on making exceptional progress. I don't want to go backwards.
I'm not sure how useful benzodiazepines would be. They'd probably be effective, but if your anxiety is constant and long lasting then you'd want to take it daily for long term and you can't take benzos that way or you form an addiction.
There are other anxiety meds that are safe to take daily. For example Pregabalin (I am on this for anxiety- studies have shown it to be as effective as diazepam but without the addiction risk, and it's really helped me).
What about being under the MH team made you feel worse? CBT is pretty much the gold standard treatment for anxiety. I wouldn't dismiss it so easily. Medication can only do so much.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
Well if just took Benzo's when I needed them when the anxiety got too much (eg, triggered to self harm).
I hated every single mental health professional I've ever seen. They make me cry, feel inadequate, I feel they're just out to take control from me. They do nothing me. I see them as a threat and nothing more.
You said medication can only do so much, while I agree with that, I don't think CBT would be the "other half" that helps me along with medication. That's what I do. I help me, but I need some type of medication to help me do that. I don't need therapy.
My progress has been exceptional since being discharged from the mental health services and it's what I've done. Nobody has helped me but me. I don't need MH services interfering.
