I was wondering the other day..
I mean I don't take much notice of my scars anymore, theyre part of who I am, but I was wondering, cos I havent had a boyfriend since stopping SI, would I tell them about the past 5 years, or just the last year, or just that "it's in the past"..
I'd like to be honest with a boyfriend, but I like to feel like i've moved on from that so is it really necessary to tell them if they ask?
I also had quite a horrible thought, one that my first boyfriend brought up 2 years ago, when talking about his very big self inflicted scar, he said "what will I tell my kids when they ask how I got it?"
I can't imagine what I will say when faced with that question, will my scars STILL be there even? I mean, surely telling them I did it to myself, they might try it themselves?
It just scared me.
I'd just like to know other people's experience of this... Have you got children? What would you say? What about with boyfriends after your recovery?
As far as the boyfriend goes...I would tell him. Just a quick "I used to be a cutter but that's in the past now" or something like that. Hopefully he won't make a big deal out of it if you don't. As for your future children, that's a tough one. I don't have kids, so I don't have any experience with that. I agree that telling them the truth could be upsetting to them and/or cause them to try it themselves. So, I guess I would lie about it, as bad as that sounds. When they're older, maybe teenagers, you could tell them the truth I guess. I don't know, those are just my thoughts, but hopefully you'll get some replies from people who have more experience with that sort of thing.
Laura
"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." ~Mother Theresa
Only tell him as much as you want to. If you want to keep it simple and not go into all of the little details, just tell him that you used to self-injure, or something along those lines, and if he wants you to go farther then you care to, tell him that it's in the past. My boyfriend and I have actually never really talked about it much. He saw the scars and asked, so I told him that I used to self-injure, and that was pretty much it. He doesn't press for details, so that's helpful. As for kids one day... I guess I'll figure it out when I get there. Maybe the scars won't be that bad... but maybe they will still be there and because of who I am I'll be honest, but I'm not going to cross that bridge until I get there.
I've thought about the same thing before and the only thing I can come up with is being honest with a boyfriend. I mean, you don't have to do it right at the start of the relationship or anything, but eventually I'd at least do what the above post said, just a quick "I used to cut", only explaining if YOU think it's the right thing to do. As for kids, I don't have any but it is a hard subject even for adults to handle, I wouldn't recommend being honest with a little kid. But when they are older (like teenage) and if they ask, you may want to tell them and explain about it. I know it may seem like if you tell them they'll just want to try but if you're honest with them about it then maybe you being honest with them will show that you are willing to open up to them so they may feel more comfortable coming to you with problems and maybe you can prevent them from even starting. I guess it comes down to how you feel about it personally. Sorry if this isn't much help.
Promise me you'll try, to leave it all behind
'Cause I've elected hell, Lying to myself
Why have I gone blind? Live another life
~You- BB
A guy I was with recently asked "Where are all those marks on your legs from", I just said "They're from a long time ago" and that was that. You don't have to go into any details if you don't want to. I think it's probably fairly obvious how you got your scars so any guy who asks about them is probably just curious or is checkig if you want to talk about it.
Thats a really tricky one about future children I'd ever thought of that before!
I agree with what you're saying too.
I think lying is ok to small children but they'll probably figure it out as they get older anyway.
As for boyfriends, I guess it depends who he may be, and how i feel about them, but yeh i think i'll just keep it brief.
with boyfriends i think its best to be honest always...but kids are a different story...i work with kids often and mostly they dont ask but some do and i just say i had an accident or a realy mean cat or something. they dont need to know the truth until theyre ol enough to handle it and by then they usually figure it out for themselves...like my little brother. i always told him it was from my old room mates cat...but hes 11 now and i know he doesnt think thats true. i'm not sure if he know the real truth but he knows its something i'm not comfortable with and he knows it causes a lot of stress in my life. so he doesnt talk about it...
I need you to know...I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the Light.
I'd ever thought of that before!
