holiday

[minnie]

i had the vomiting/stomach bug 4 weeks ago and had to stop my meds as i couldnt keep them down....i was vomiting for over a week and my voices came back especially the one i hadnt heard for over 12months...now this voice is telling me that the meds are poison...although th vomiting bug has stopped after a week i still have a stomach bug 4 weeks on (went back the doctor and she said to go back in 2 weeks if i am not better!! i have had it 4 weeks up to now and i have lost a considerate amount of weight!)
i have been without meds now for 4 weeks and the voices are really loud especially this particular voice whos demanding me to hurt myself or someone else
my nurse has been coming to my flat twice a week and texting me too and hes asking me to see the psychiatrist but i am refusing because i dont trust them.....he wanted to put me on a step up care plan and i refused this too as i dont want different people coming to my flat everday, so he said he would make an appointment for me to see the psychiatrist in 3 weeks (waiting time to see one) but he did say that he has a duty of care and that if he comes to see me next week and sees that i am no better he will bring the psychiatrist on the next visit...he has been asking me to try to take my meds but i am refusing because they are poison
this easter break is killing me with no one to talk to, i cant talk to my family as i am trying to hide the fact i am struggling and besides i dont trust them
my close cousin has noticed a change in me and i have denied that i am unwell
the nurse was supposed to ring me on thursday and he didnt...maybe he was called out on an emergency which i understand
my close cousin had been asking me for two whole weeks to go on holiday with her and after thr nurse not ringing i thought f**k the lot of them i am going on holiday
i just need to get away from everyone and everything i am not unwell just running on adrenaline at the moment as i am not sleeping/not eating / drinking much neither as they are poison...anything i eat and drink goes through me right after and i cant handle that anymore
i am dreading the nurse ringing/texting/coming to my flat as i dont know how to tell him that i have booked a holiday for 3 weeks time
my question is can they stop me from going on holiday? as nurse suggested hospital and i said no i dont want to go into hospital....i am ok but he doesnt believe me

[sherlock holmes]

I can understand you wanting to go on holiday and get away. Having a stomach bug is horrible, especially because it's gone on so long.

You sound like since you stopped taking your medication due to being sick you've become unwell, which is why your care team want to see you more often. I'm surprised they haven't given you a depot because that is a way you can get your medication even though you are being sick. Do you think you can ask about it?

I just think that you'll enjoy your holiday more if you go when you're better, both mentally and physically. Plus yes there is a possibility that your mental health team will think you're not well enough to go away and it might mean they consider a section, especially as if they are already suggesting you go into hospital.

I think you should tell them, it may be that they can find a way to support you on going on holiday, maybe as I said before by you having a depot so you get your meds before you go.

[minnie]

thanks for your reply sherlock holmes

I have had depots before and I refused them in the end because I dont like needles hence why I was put on oral meds

its got to the stage that the voices are controlling everything I do, say
they are telling me the medication are poison

its now 6.30am....I have yet to go to bed...I am not even tired

I am dreading getting a text on my mobile or my mobile ringing....I need an escape route and I wish the holiday was this week :(

I am just glad the easter break is over as I have spent too much time with my family that I need space