So around 3 months ago my current girlfriend broke up with her ex boyfriend because she wasnt happy, he never put any effort in and she was sick of it... she said they were more like friends... we starting seeing other pretty quickly after they split but only go together around 2 months into seeing each other, she always said how happy she is with me and all her friends and family tell me how much happier she seems to be...
we was on a night out 3 days ago and her ex was there, she didnt change or do anything differently around me, she was the same, cuddles/kisses etc. but then two days later he texts her saying 'hope you had a good night on saturday, can we speak' so since this text she has been off with me and she tells me shes confused, she says she doesnt want to be confused anymore but she doesnt want him either, her words were 'just give me some time please' i respect her so i am going to give her some time, but what does this actually mean? Realtionships are hard to get over i know that more than most but you cant live in regret...
Perhaps she doesn't want to live in regret, so that's why she's asking for some time to sort her feelings out?
It sounds like a really difficult situation for you to be in, and I hope she doesn't keep you waiting too long. It's understandable to not feel comfortable with this, so maybe make it clear that you want her to be really sure before she continues a relationship with you, to avoid any unnecessary upset.
We met up and she said she wasn’t over him, she said can't get over him and that she wants to go back and try again even though she doesn’t think it’s the best thing to do, now is this just because she's never been through this before so she has to in order to learn from it? is she going back because it’s just familiar to her and she’s scared to move on? Every knows that feeling, it’s so much easier to go back to someone we had a routine with instead of the hurt of moving on, but when it’s over once it’s never the same again…. I have a saying 'good decision come from experience and experience comes from bad decision'
This was her first real relationship (she’s 20) I’m 22 and i went through the same thing when i was 20.. Everyone has trouble moving by it, i just don't want to see her get hurt... because anyone who’s gone through this knows where it leads right?
i know she still likes me though because she told me, she's still getting upset about it all and when she made the decision to choose him 3 days ago, i stopped texting and then yesterday she was texting me still saying she’s a mess and confused, I’m not angry at her or annoyed, I’m concerned for her because we've all been through this, the fact she’s saying this still tells me she’s knows it’s not the right thing to do, we was even just on face-time with each other lastnight and she fell asleep on it, because she couldn’t when she was crying and neither could I to be honest.
Have you told her about your experience from when you were 20? I think it's definitely worth trying to share your experience and thoughts, though make sure she's aware that you're talking out of concern, not just that you want to be with her.
Ultimately though, she may not listen and will have to make her own mistakes and sometimes learn the hard way! I don't think it's set in stone that going back to old relationships doesn't work though, but I appreciate that generally it doesn't end well.
Yes i told her about it all and explained thats how i learnt and got hurt, once the foundations are broken (splitting up) It's easy to imagine that if you get back together, it'll be just like the sweet, passionate beginning of your relationship all over again. But really, it's going to be a lot more like starting back up from the end of your relationship and the truth is, the promise of a redo is sometimes illusory but it simply will not be same, people are scared of change and scared of feeling alone.
This shouldnt be the way though, i was speaking to her as someone who cares for her not as someone who wants to be with her, thers over 7 billion people in the world and i think when the learning curve does come it might be too late for her...
I agree, but i havent heard a successful one yet... have you? if anything more pain gets caused by not moving on because we prolong the pain by imagining its not here, until one day youll realise it all justhasnt been for you, whether that be a week down the line, month, year.. to move you must accept that it didnt work out in the first place instead of thinking what it couldve been, after all... love wants the other persons happiness. fear wants to hold onto whatever appears to make you feel happy so you dont have to feel the alternative.
