This is a really stupid thread, so just bear that in mind if you bother to read this.
A friend of mine recently (past year) got a new girlfriend who he somewhat seems to like. I'm happy for him and all that, but at the same time, I've heard absolutely nothing but bad things about her. Every day (no exaggeration, every day for at least the past month and a half) he will text me and talk to me non stop either about how she did something he doesn't like, or just because he's so frustrated that he needs to talk to someone to keep from going insane. Well, I hate to say this, but when I'm busy trying to work on things and do what I need to do, this gets pretty annoying after a while. I've been dealing with it and was fine about it at first, but after dealing with this on and off for about 6 months now, it's REALLY starting to irritate me. He uses me solely as a distraction from his relationship anymore. All he does around me are things he knows annoy me (and this is intentional, as he is trying to annoy me for fun). Suffice it to say, this is not something he did before this girl existed, and I don't understand why he's doing this now. More importantly, I hate to think that now I want to avoid him as much as possible, even if it means avoiding other people I might normally talk to.
Idea here being that with my general lack of sleep, overwork, and already overburdening anxiety problems, I have difficulties dealing with his obnoxious behavior. I've already told him that I'd rather he not be annoying as he can possibly be when he's around me, but he doesn't appear to listen. Disregarding the fact that I think the girl isn't right for him in the first place, how should I go about getting him to either improve his relationship or stop bugging me whenever things go wrong (or just in general)?
I've never had a problem even remotely similar to this before, so I've got no clue on how to proceed here. He's driving me absolutely nuts, and I don't want to just start yelling at him, because it might just make him upset. I don't know what he's actually feeling about the relationship he's in, so if he's using me as a crutch, I don't really want to set him off or anything. But at the same time, if he keeps intentionally irritating me, I will eventually either ignore him entirely, or get angry and snap at him. I'd rather avoid both of those things, if possible.
Tell him. Seriously. Simply tell him that what he does in his love life is up to him, but you don't want to listen to his moaning any more. Also add in again about his behaviour towards you.
I guess I should mention that one of the primary problems here is that I (and a couple of my other friends) have already told him that this is annoying and that it bothers us. The problem, at this point, is that just made him do that stuff more. That's the reason I'm assuming he's actively trying to bother us. At this point, he's now getting upset that we're not really actively communicating with him. Honestly, I don't know how else to handle the situation. I don't really just want to say "it's his fault, and if things go south, that's on him." To a certain extent, that's kind of what I'm thinking, but on the other hand, he is a friend of mine.
He's stated to me before that he does all of this because he's trying to distract himself from the stupid stuff his girlfriend is doing. Honestly, though, I'm kind of tired of being his punching bag/distraction for the sake of this girl that I don't really think he should be with in the first place. I don't know, I might just be being selfish, but I'm really just not sure what to do here.
I wouldnt say you are being selfish. Tell him how it makes you feel, if he complains that is his problem not yours. Also I'd maybe sugget to him that given how much he complains about the girlfriend suggests that maybe they aren't meant to be together.
Well, the girlfriend issue is a rather complicated one. Essentially, they've known each other for an extremely short period of time, and he's going to give up his current life and potentially his career to marry this girl and move in with her. Normally this wouldn't be a super huge deal, but she lives in a different country. I've already voiced my opinions on the situation, my/his friends have already voice their opinions, and his parents have already voiced their opinion. All of which were negative ones. He's already ruined friendships over this relationship because he was told to by this girl (or so he puts it, I don't know the details). Suffice it to say, I have no idea what he's thinking at this point.
The main problem now is that I can't continue voicing my opinion on the matter without alienating him, and now all he does is annoy the hell out of everyone (once again, intentionally). I guess at this point my only real option is to ride it out and let him realize the mistake he's making. He doesn't have the money to do what he's doing, and he's rushing into it. I don't want him ruining his life over a mistake, but there's really not much more that I can do. He has no career plans for when he gets there, and as far as I know, he doesn't have any solid plans for...just living there in general. He doesn't even live on his own now, and yet he somehow intends to go to another country and take care of two people. More importantly someone who probably isn't a good match for him in the first place. I just don't know what he's thinking.
