I'm just curious, how did you all discover self-injury? Personally I started after I saw a lot of other people my age doing it. I was going through some stuff and decided I'd try it because I think part of me wanted to know what it was all about, and it was tempting because I didn't know what else to do... So what about you guys?
"Tell me one last thing," said Harry. "Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?"
Dumbledore beamed at him, and his voice sounded loud and strong in Harry's ears even though the bright mist was descending again, obscuring his figure.
"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"
Had a panic attack, but didn't know that's what that was at the time.
Accidentally cut my hand very deeply on a pop can during said attack.
Instantly felt relaxed and disconnected from my body.
Was hooked from then on.
God help you if you are a phoenix and you dare to rise up from the ash
A thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy but you are just flying past
I was about ten, I think. If I remember correctly, I read about it in a book, but I can't remember which novel it was. I came across it by accident, basically. It wasn't really explained in the book what it was, so I waited untill everyone went to bed, and I looked it up online. It was the first time I was ever in a really bad place mentally, and after I figured out what it was, I started doing it obsessively. I've been doing it off and on for twenty years. I'm just over two years clean now. Again. I still have urges, just like you do with any addiction, but I'm hoping to make it three.
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My self-harm started when I was about 14, middle of 8th grade I believe. I had already been struggling with depression & GAD for a year from school, bullying, & personal/home issues. One day we were fighting and I became so angry that I had an outburst and locked myself in my room. I used a green, wooden stick that came with an Easter basket (don't really know what it was for, probably decoration) to dig deeply into my arm. I think those scars are almost faded but I can still see them under the rest, now horrid ones.....I quickly upgraded to harsher tools...
Some days I regret even starting because now I've fallen in such a deep hole mentally, and my urges are simply crazy now. This stuff distracts me from doing my work! But hey, this gives me experience, strength, and the ability to help others effectively.
"Mistakes and failures are great teachers. They provide the opportunity to learn and grow stronger, and more capable. The only ones who never fail, are those who never try."
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"I can't rewrite what's already perfect."--Amadeus, the Movie
I pulled my hair out and scratched or chewed myself [lips, nails, cuticles] till I bled as an anxious habit. I knew my friends mum cut herself badly and was a self harmer, I had known this since I was 11 [and seen her blades in my friend's bedroom, heard a lot about it etc] but never put a blade to my skin until I was 16.
I actually overdosed before I started cutting. Then when in hospital after the OD I started 'digging things into myself' and when I moved into a psychiatric ward it morphed into cutting very quickly. 3 months later I left with arms covered in marks, cuts and scars, and some on my legs as well.
Last edited by MissAnonymous : 20-12-2014 at 02:01 PM.
I remember the first time I hurt myself but it happened almost by accident. I hurt myself when itching/scratching and then found it helped me so it continued from there.
It just seemed to progress without really picking up anything from anywhere.
I got the thoughts to deliberately harm myself after accidently hurting myself. A few weeks later a character in a show I watched started self harming and that contributed to it turning into a habit.
I read about it in a magazine that featured a unit where they allowed people to SI but under the supervision of a nurse. It made me curious to feel what SIing about so I tried it one day when I was feeling pretty bad. I didnt stop until 3 1/2 years ago after doing it for over a decade.
Wannabe CPN : -)
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"I tried to kill my pain, but only brought more, so much more..I lay dying and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal...I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming, am I too lost to be saved?"
Twas a typical teenage girl, listening to evanescence when the thought crossed my mind....
Interesting factoid...my son and Amy Lee's son share the same birthday.
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Started out pretty subtle...I'd put myself in a situation where something painful was likely to happen (someone resting their chair on my fingers, 'falling asleep' while touching hot-enough-to-burn-badly-over-time-but-not-acutely-painful objects, etc), and then instead of alleviating that situation, I'd get mad at myself for being such a wuss and not being able to deal with it. It probably took 3-5yrs and me moving out of the house for me to admit that I was actively harming myself. See, I always talked to my mom about everything, so if I let myself 'know' I was doing it, I would have told her. So I just kept challenging myself to 'deal' with anything that was bad for me. I was also, for this reason, very acutely aware of not imitating any stereotypical teen behaviors. For example, everyone notices when a teenager stops eating. But if you simply stop drinking...
I only started very actively self harming once I moved out and was finally 'free' to act out all of the crazy I'd been bottling up for years. Still avoided all of the more 'classic' routes though, for whatever reason.
I had hurt myself in minor ways deliberately before but when i was 19 i was on anti depressants and someone i spoke to in the old msn chatrooms did it and it wasnt long before i was cutting.
Started with hair pulling when I was about 10 but I didn't know it was 'self-harm' just that it was relaxing, I ended up pulling nearly all of my eyebrows and eyelashes out. I didn't start cutting until I was 12/13.
I hit myself as a kid. Cutting started at 16 and continued off and on for several years. Bruising started in my early 20's after my cutting first aid kit was taken away. (Saw no point in cutting if I couldn't take care of it.)I am not picky so bruising was my primary method for two years. I've started cutting again but bruise too. When I have urges these days most of them are to bruise.
I've asked myself this question before, and the only thing I can think of was an episode of 7th Heaven I saw once where a girl was cutting. Honestly though I'm not entirely sure what gave me the idea. Looking back on it it seems like something I wouldn't have tried but I guess since everything was so much I just did what I could to get through it, if that makes sense. I don't really remember many people in my school doing it though.
Nobody said it was easy.
No one ever said it would be this hard.
I started in the 5th grade. I remember being in my room, my parents were fighting like always. I had a pencil in my had but the eraser was missing so when I went to curl up in a ball the metal scrapped my arms. It shocked me at first but it felt good so I took it and did it harder. Ever since then when ever I got scared, upset or felt like I should be punished I would go back to it.
I had never heard about it when I started, think it began with just digging my nails in skin,then hitting things, then by accident I broke a mirror and hey presto it developed into something far worse
this pic is so i can always remember jen who was my l'il sock monkey friend who has left ryl and i miss her!!!
EastEnders or one of those soap type programmes. I was about 13 I had already been pulling my hair and punching walls, but there was a scene on said program of someone cutting. Next time I felt crappy I tried it out myself, and was hooked from then on.
My ghosts are gaining on me
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I knew what cutting was since I was 12, when Eminem said "Sometimes I even *** myself to see how much it ******, it's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me" on that "Stan" song, but incidentally and maybe ironically I didn't really pay much attention to what he MEANT. I overlooked the fact that he was talking about "self harm" because I thought the line had to do with suicide more than anything else. Compile that with the fact that I had suicidal thoughts at the time, I thought it was a form of attempting suicide. I never fully realized this had to do with feeling ALIVE and NOT want to kill yourself.
By the time I was 13 and in 7th grade, I learned more about cutting, but associated it with rock and emo culture (bad I know), but back in the early 2000s, the emo fad was a big thing with My Chemical Romance and other similar acts. I thought cutting was done for ENTERTAINMENT mostly because everyone that did it growing up was also into rock and scene. In fact, the whole "self harm" thing didn't come to me until I was 16. At the time, I never heard of the term, but wanted to feel pain and I flirted with the idea of cutting myself for the first time to try it but instead I used an accidental cut and poured rubbing alcohol on it to try it out and while it calmed me down for that moment, I couldn't see myself doing it.
It wasn't until I was 19 that the idea of trying it dawned upon me and it was out of desperation. I was losing the one person that mattered to me the most at the time and I lost it, I didn't know what to do. I tried smoking to help me numb the pain, and I didn't like it, I tried drinking, didn't like it, I tried meds and semi liked it up until I started shaking and almost threw up... then one day out of desperation, (and part because that person told me they cut themselves) I gave it a try. The funny thing was that I didn't really like it. I felt weird doing it. I could only do it twice and gave up. It wasn't until this person made me feel like I was in a sinking ship that I fell in love with it. I punched the wall, hit the stud, busted my knuckle, drank some meds, blurred out a bit next thing you know I had officially found self harm. Then I was hooked.
ill be straight up. i saw that dumb girl on degrassi do it, then i asked my pops about it and he said she was weak with scratches... then described the numbness i guess and went into how he did it, how kids are pussies cant do it deep. then probably a week later a bunch of **** happened and I went from not understanding , to seeing how freaking deep i could go. then i thought cutter girls were fuego.Then i met a girl and it just got worse.. i punched before all this but i dont look at them the same.
this pic is so i can always remember jen who was my l'il sock monkey friend who has left ryl and i miss her!!! 
