I took Deschloroetizolam yesterday just to leave the house

[stumpy]

I took a 3mg Deschloroetizolam yesterday just to be able to leave the house, I went to see my counsellor just to find out he wasn't going to be coming, (he had a family emergency), I don't blame him for not coming, but it means I've been left with nobody to talk to about my drug & alcohol misuse or state of my mental health, for yet another fortnight, I'm not going back to my GP, as he already refused to make me a new referral to the CMHT.

I feel like I'm not coping, and haven't got out of bed today, because if I get out of bed, I'm not sure I can remain SI free, I feel like carving the words useless & worthless into me, or the word failure, I feel like I don't deserve help, that it'd be easier if I just OD and die.

[stumpy]

I think I just found an answer, I seem to be Catastrophising, I'd never thought about this but just saw another post on it, I've never had any tips on how to distract myself from this behaviour, as the MH team here are not very helpful, I have tried throwing myself into watching TV programs I like, but I think I need more, I need to see this as a stepping stone not a depressive failure, I need to find some positive activities to do

[phoenix_M]

hi stumpy im sorry to hear your having such a rough time at the moment and that your support team is really much good. if you are able take a look at a site called lifesigns.org, they are a self harm site but have useful info about detraction techniques etc. you mention who your GP would not reffer you back to CMHT are you able to see a different GP and try again, maybe go with a script of what exactly it is you want from them and the CMHT so that you can show you have done your research and are trying to sort out your situation.

are there any voluntary/ private support groups or services in your area, such as mind, or crisis etc which you maybe able to attend for some support?

[stumpy]

Hi Phoenix, thanks for the reply, my support for drugs & alcohol is great, but general mental health support is rubbish, I am already a member at lifesigns.org, but haven't posted there in a while. My GP can be ignorant sometimes, I'm still waiting to see my drug & alcohol 1-1 counsellor at the minute, because he's had a family bereavement.

So right now the only support I have, as you said is Mind, not that their much help, their only open 1&1/2 days per week, so very busy when they are, so everything is very limited, my GP is the sole GP in the practice, so I'm not able to see another GP. All other surgeries are out of county or I'm too far outside their catchment area and they refuse to allow me to register.

My drug & alcohol counsellor will ring my GP and be furious with him once he's back in work, I put myself in another dangerous situation again on Thursday night, I got so drunk with a local well known heavy drinker & thief, I had money stolen from me, my own fault, but I was desperate to feel something other than alone & anxious, everything is just so overwhelming right now, I don't know where else to turn