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Triggering (SI) - I'm on the verge of giving up.
One of the last times I visited this site was when it just had recently been renamed to recoveryourlife. I felt that was some sort of sign; I also, somewhat, recovered. It went all well for ages, but here I am again.
I'm having a hard time coping at the moment. I just started a new study (Industrial Design, for those of you that'd like to know) which is great, but it's a lot of very hard work. The people in my projectgroup aren't the most motivated people to say the least and it feels like I have to fix all of the things on my own.
My girlfriend is a lovely girl, really sweet and I wouldn't want to miss her, ever. The dark side is she is suffering from trichotillomania ('obsessively' pulling out your own hair, really close to other forms of SI) which is somewhat triggering for me. All has been wel for the past few months, but lately she has been feeling down. That reflects on me, that triggers me. I now and then just scratched myself for a little on my wrist or some place else just to have the feeling that I was in control, but the past few days have been hell for me. I had to work with a hobbyknife and I just kept wondering if it still felt the same. Well, it did. I felt relief and at the same time some sort of betrayal because I knew I couldn't tell this to my girlfriend. If she sees I'm feeling bad, she feels bad about it. And as I already said, that's very triggering for me as she shows a lot of the things I used to do when I was down and depressed.
It's a bit of a chaotic story, but I felt like I had to share it. Does anyone have a clue about what I have to do now?
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