Extra medication tonight really not doing well at all. Have spent the last hour crying on Stewart. I just wish that things would be ok but they aren't. I feel alone and even thinking orange penguins is not helping. Stewart is worried he says this is the worst I have been in a while yet somehow I am still managing to work which is good I suppose. Instead of just seening and hearing things I am having really bad feelings in my wrists as thought there are worms or bubblesin there. I cut my wrist the other night but its ok all wrapped up and covered in beads. I know there are people that read this that Im not in touch with really and I know that I am the worst person to respond to comments but really I just need to know that Im not alone and someone out there cares, totally lame totally totally lame I know and if I have offended you as I seem to be doing too everyone then please please let me know so I can make it right. Its the not knowing that is making things bad.
Oh katherine im crying again I cant seem to stop why is this happening again?
The school I am currently in well even the class I am teaching there is a little girl in there from a woman I got friendly with in hospital when I was really ill but she 'just' had post natal depression so she is better now - when she got better she cut of contact. Im worried that I will be in the school long enough that I might have to meet her because I dont know how she would resopnd oh does that make sense? Everything is just a chore and a stresss and a worry I see my psych on Thursday but its another new one this must be the 12th change in 3 years as they cant get a full time person. Im scared
It sounds like you're worried about being 'found out'? You sound pretty frantic about this. I understand the depth of such anxiety. Things feel uncertain and insecure and lost and lonely. Its like you're powerless, in a way, and that can bring up pretty powerful feelings. How are you scared she'll respond?
Well Im sure you can imagine that she will go running to the head we where close when in hospital I suppose because we where both not in due to drug related stuff and where on the same level but when she was better as I say she went back to her 2.4 children life and I was forgotten despite numerous texts lets be honest who can blame her if I was normal I wouldnt want a reminderof my past life. Please dont think I am downing people with post natal depression or anything Im not its just she got better and I havent
Nat hunni *hugs*. Does the dean know? If it comes down to it (i hope not) you can always say WHERE you met her....sure she says it was PN..but was/is it really? Hopefully it wont come to that. Who relly knows what her life is like?
It would be damned stressful tho. But Nat, you got out, you may not be great, but you are functioning, they will see that.
Dammit this is coming off so cold and im sorry for that. it isnt meant that way, just me atm....
Maybe have stewart come with you to the new doc? would that help or hinder? maybe write out stuff you cant say, you know they are used to it.
If i can do anythng pls pm/email/whatever ok?
Thinking of you hunni
romp
He cant come with me as he is implementing a new programme in work and he has to be there - he usually comes but he just can't swing it this time. Noone knows of my problems I dont come across that way at all at work I just dont want to run the risk of being caught out I cant not until I have a full time job.
Im not trying to make excuses and stuff its just at the moment nothing can be done its not working in my way.
You'd be surprised how many teachers suffer from depression, anxiety, you name it. Not all of them are diagnosed, and most of them - including you - are good teachers. Sometimes our sensitivity can make us better teachers. I have mental health stuff and my flatmates trust me to be with their 14 month old baby...Look at what you can do, rather than what you fear. I know it's hard to do, shift the focus, but a reality check can really help.
Loon = Normal, lovely person whos brain is a bit broken!
Nutter = Person who thinks they are a crunchy nut cornflake, eats ribbon for dinner and wears a necklace of wasps to fend off incoming root beer.!
I wouldnt want a nutter looking after my kids, but i wouldnt mind a loon.
As far as i see it we are all loons here. Very few nutters and you my dear are most definately NOT a Nutter!
Matthew xxx
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
maybe see the headteacher and explain that you met this child's mother during hospital treatment and you feel that she might be uncomfortable with you teaching her child as you know some quite sensitive info about her.
mand x
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
I wish I was in a position to do that Mandy but Im just not Im not in a fulltime position and I lied to the council when I joined - I didnt state that I was unwell. So I could get the sack even though just a temporary job if that makes sense?
It just feels like there are so many obsticals in my way at the moment Im tired and I want to give up - been crying again Stew is out and am still to take tablets.
I have to go and see his mum tomorrow I dont feel up to it because I dont feel strong enough. I dont feel like anything sorry Im so self pitying i just cant see a light and that scares me.
sending supportive hugs. It sounds scary to be in that position but yout mental health issues does not make you a bad person. Perhaps in some ways it makes you more understanding of people than the average person would be who haddent gone through the difficulties you had. Perhaps you could talk to this mother yourself and see how she is getting on, I dont know. I hope things get easier for you. I hate it that theres such a stigma against mental health issues. THere are lots of us out there and yet when it comes to it we all want to hide. Wishes there was something more I could do.
keep letting us know how you get on.
try and get some peaceful sleeping in
xxx
