Ugh

[Aubergine]

I feel crappy. I think I food poisoned myself. I had an emotional day at a church thing today. I'm switching antipsychotics because I was getting dangerous side effects. I want to go back on olanzapine, as I knew where I was with that, but I don't think they'll do it because of my weight. I have a test with a course at work coming up and I'm sure I will fail. I feel intense guilt about my past. There are so many things I shouldn't have done, like shout at police, scream at nurses, throw cups around a ward. It's not ok to have done those things. Not at all. How do you move forward? I came out of hospital the middle of September, after a traumatic six weeks. I should be over that by now, but I can't let it go. It's all so fresh. I live on my own and I love it but I could do with a hug and there's no one to ask. I'm terrified this medication change is going to send me mental and I'll end up back on section. I'm tired. Moanmoanmoan. I'm just a bit fed up today. Not depressed or psychotic or manic or anything relating to my diagnosis. I'm not unwell. I'm just fed up. Sympathy? Empathy? An "it's going to be ok?" Anything welcome, really. Thank you. :)

[Aardbei]

Sounds like lots of things all at once have piled up a little. I'm sorry you're feeling bad. It will be okay though - it sounds like you're doing so well!

Maybe try breaking these worries down into a list and work out what you need to do for each. For example; can you take something to settle your stomach for the food poisoning? Can you arrange to talk with your doctor about the medication change to ease your mind and discuss options? As for the things in your past... everyone has made mistakes before, and it sounds like you weren't yourself on those occasions - and the people involved will have known that. You're doing great now, and you should focus on the present and future :)

I wish I could give you a real hug, but I can give you a virtual one. I really hope you don't feel as fed up tomorrow. I can definitely relate to feeling a bit off key! Can you arrange something with a friend to help cheer you up a bit?