I Feel Pretty Low.

Wonderland. · 08-11-2014, 07:12 PM

Everything MH-wise is going downhill.

I want to cut.
I want to binge.
I want to purge.

I feel like hell.

Could do with a hug if anyone has one going spare.

I feel unloved.
I feel worthless.

Moonlight Princess · 08-11-2014, 07:23 PM

So many hugs for you Amy <3
We may not know each other that well but I've seen you give so much wonderful support to people on here. I would say with certainty that your caring replies will have helped so many people.

Do you feel able to say a bit more about what's going on?

Wonderland. · 08-11-2014, 07:28 PM

Thanks Kiran :) that means a lot!

I guess without giving into my urges I am somehow losing my sense of identity. I feel very lost, very alone. And there feels like such a big void in me that I need to somehow fill.

Aubergine · 08-11-2014, 09:06 PM

*hug*

What else is there that makes you, you? Other than the self-destructive behaviour, what else makes up your identity? There are definitely some things, such as your helpful and caring nature (I've seen your responses to threads) and your intelligence (your posts are always articulate and well written.) I don't know you well at all, so couldn't comment on much else, but I am certain that there are lots of things that make up who you are, that don't include the things you do to hurt yourself.

Your mood thing says your inpatient. Are there any staff on you trust this evening? Could you have a chat?

Doikers · 08-11-2014, 09:51 PM

*The Biggest Hugs Ever*

Cacoethes · 08-11-2014, 10:03 PM

Sending lots of love and hugs Ames. You're amazing and we love you! <3

Snow White. · 09-11-2014, 09:46 AM

You are SO important. You are so lovely and we love you here, truly do. Please keep talking and reaching out. We're always here for you xxx

Wonderland. · 09-11-2014, 02:40 PM

Thank you lovelys, I really appreciate your replies/hugs.

I feel a bit better today.

I think in here a lot of the time you aren't praised for your good qualities, but the bad ones always get picked up on. So it makes me more aware of the bad sides to me, and makes it harder to see that in general I am actually quite a nice person.

I think the whole sense of identity thing is hard. Especially as recently a lot of anger has been coming out towards other people. I find this difficult to deal with as I've never experienced anger like this before. It has always in the past been an inward sort of anger, expressed at myself through self destruction. And I guess in some ways I'm trying to cling on to that as it's what I know. And less scary. My anger towards other people I find uncontrollable and that scares me. I have already assaulted three patients whilst being here. And that doesn't sit right with who I am.

My consultant wanted the OTs to work on Anger management with me, but they have declined to do so. I'm hoping once I move to the BPD unit that they will work with me on it, as it's something I really want to address before it gets anymore out of hand.