title

[Abintra]

i see this road in front a long road each step seems heavier to lift the legs
am i lucky that i have something that keeps me walking, i just don't know anymore, an 8 year old is not the best of company at times mainly because he is the only company, he is not aloud to see this face ,this face is just for me
i thought that if i stayed away from human contact them the emotions felt around them would lessen being away from outside life makes me hollowed even more
the ever lasting pain do i want to stay this way, is this why i am here, i don't know if i have given up completly or if there is something inside that fights waiting for the change to come alive again, simple pleasures chocolate cookies and milk is almost a void filler for a brief moment.
i am not suicidal i know longer have that comfit of knowing there is no one to leave behind. but **** i wish i would fall asleep forever so now i wait no release like once before oh no heaven forbid he should ever see my scars and how they are there, this road is mine to walk mine alone one day i will get to where it is i'm going and i will turn around look back and think great now i get to try it all over again i can't wait

music does not give me the comfit it once did my one beating pulse was so warm it felt like the perfect bride now nothing just numb i even tryed to listen to korn just to feel something numb
heres to giving up

[pea soup]

i dont know what to say.
just want you to know that i read and i care.
keep writing if it helps you.
much love.
xx

[Merc]

i honestly am noot too sure what to say...but bear with me for a few...you say maybe you are mant to feel this way forever...i HONESTLY doubt that, i really do (im not syaing it to make you feel better either). It sounds as if you have no help, as in doc/psych/threrapist/couns. etc.
Pls try to find something, if you dont already...even a crisis line is a start. IF you do have help, does he/she know any of this..well not *any* of it...ALL of it? If there is someone i would suggest printing off your post and giving it to them to read, they are VERY used to it and wont m,ind...you dont even have to SAY anything, just hand it to him...
Pls look for help (or different help) it REALLY doesnt need to be this way anymore, trust me.
Pls keep writing and let us know how youi are ok?
*worried*
romp

[pea soup]

how are things going for you now?
much love.
xxxx

[chocostashchick]

you are stronger than you think
there is a lot of fight left in you, otherwise you wouldnt have taken this huge and important step to ask for support
so good on you!
and as for giving up - nope
not now
you seem to worry about your scars
a lot of us have them and what i know is that the people worthy of our friendship and love will always care about is in spite of, and because of, our scars, and if somebody isnt able to do that they dont deserve us anyway and we are better off without them
as to what you say about staying away from human contact, be careful because hiding from the world and the people in it is no good - hiding from your problems and your fears doesnt solve anything and there are sure to be a lot of people out there who care about you and want to see you
and you are, from your writing, too smart and too artistic and too great to be hidden
be safe and take care
update
xxxooo