wanting to die

[springawakening]

I always thought all this self loathing and hatred and hopelessness was something that would be over in a short period, but here it is, 7 months after I first started cutting, and I still feel like this. I'm never good enough, I'm always the second choice, and Im always a joke. So instead of feeling better, I've been wanting to die. Everytime I'm alone or rejected, I think about killing myself. I've written my note in my head, I imagine my funeral and the parting words I would have with people. I even know the lethal doses for each thing in my medicine cabinet. Can anyone give me any advice on suicidal urges?

[ennae]

Sorry you are struggling so much. My advice would be to ring a helpline or go to A&E if you are scared you are going to go through with your suicide plan. The other thing I have done is lock all my medication etc in the boot of the car so it is harder to access and so I know that I would have to think and be less impulsive before I used them - better still is to give the medication to someone you trust for them to look after (or even just the excess amounts so you don't have enough for an overdose to be lethal). I also have a lot of repetitive activities that keep my hands busy so I can't SH as easily - knitting, colouring, computer games, jigsaws etc. And activities to keep my mind busy - reading, computer games, chatting online. These help distract me from doing something "stupid".

[waytorecovery]

I agree with ennae^^

Also have you spoken to anyone about feeling this way? Even if you don't want to talk about it it's important to communicate with people. I find what helps me when I'm really down is calling family members and catching up with them. Try maybe to avoid being alone too much. I'm sorry for what you're going through, I hope you feel better soon.