I feel like a monster contains SH

[crystalstar92]

I very rarely experience emotions, most of the time I'm doing just enough to get through the day. I am mentally and emotionally empty. I do not want to be this way but I do not know how to restart my emotions. I have not cut in months but want to start again. I started cutting to give me something to feel. I stopped because my Feonsay asked me to and told me it hurt her to my self harm scars. I think about cutting to the point of obsession. I started to smoke and this stopped the SH urges for a while. I am now smoking an electric coggarette almost constantly. My SH urges started back up soon after starting smoking. I have managed to beat the urges bit my will power is very weak. It is hard for me not to cut just once to calm the urges, but I know that just once will become frequent fast. Does anyone know when thes urges or thoughts will go away? I want to cut just one more time to see if that will make the thoughts go away. Just one more time is all I want.

[talaiporia]

Do you think you're clamping down on your emotions or that they're not there at all? It sounds like the lack of emotions is a new thing, and sometimes depression can cause this effect.

Cutting won't make you feel something; I don't think it's a good idea to try. Is it nicotine triggering the self harm thoughts?