Black, White and Grey thinking.

sherlock holmes · 10-08-2014, 07:54 PM

I'm a black and white thinker. If something isn't perfect then it's a failure, if I'm not 100% happy about something then it's flawed and I want to give it up. It's starting to become an issue again and is causing me to feel restless and agitated.

Things in my life right now are not perfect. But most of the time I am happy and content! It's just when I'm feeling low the things that haven't quite worked out yet get huger and huger in my mind until I start convincing myself it's all hopeless and wrong.

I keep thinking in my head "when x happens I'll be happy" which is ridiculous because it means I'm living in the future, and also my perfect daydreams won't work out exactly in real life because nothing will ever be perfect.

My partner keeps telling me "journey before destination" and I know he's right, I just find it really hard to accept that there will be flaws and things that don't slot into place and it's okay.

What can I do to make it easier to think in grey?

Epicene · 10-08-2014, 08:57 PM

I'm very much like this and it takes a lot of effort for me to question my black and white thinking. It can be helpful to acknowledge when you are more inclined to think 'grey', to try and apply that perception to other things. For example, I am able to see other peoples' relationships as complex and do not see them as either perfect or terrible (whereas my own relationships often seem this way to me).

To be honest DBT has been really helpful. This book is really good, and updated from the classic manuals. It includes more skills around middle ground thinking and explanation of dialectics. I would really recommend it if you are looking to make active changes to how you feel at the moment.

sherlock holmes · 11-08-2014, 09:23 AM

That's helpful- I do think in grey when it comes to other people's situations because it's like I'm objective and can assess it as a whole and see the bigger picture. I just can't do it with me.

I've done two courses of DBT and still got all my info upstairs, admittedly i've not read through it in years. I'll dig it out again and have a look.

talaiporia · 12-08-2014, 02:52 AM

I don't have much to add, but I do think going back over your DBT things would be helpful; AFAIK, it's something you're meant to keep up with, like practicing, so it could be worth applying your DBT skills to that.

yoyogirl · 14-08-2014, 07:46 PM

To me it gets through the day for example i think to myself I can either be miserable sat at home doing nothing all day or looking for work