I've questioned my sexuality for a few years now, since I was thirteen. Honestly I haven't actually "done" anything with anyone yet so I don't really know for sure, but I think I'm bisexual. The more I think about it the more sure I am about it. The thing is though that I'm not sure if I would ever actually marry a girl. I like the idea of dating one and kissing and stuff, so I'm not sure what turns me off the idea of marriage. I've been debating for a while whether or not I should come out to anyone, but I'm really leaning towards no. I honestly don't see the point. I think it'd just make for an uncomfortable conversation and it wouldn't make a difference otherwise because I'm planning to marry a man anyways if I do get married. It's easy to keep under wraps because I'm so used to it. I like boys too so I can still express that and just keep my other thoughts to myself. So... what do all of you think?
"Tell me one last thing," said Harry. "Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?"
Dumbledore beamed at him, and his voice sounded loud and strong in Harry's ears even though the bright mist was descending again, obscuring his figure.
"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"
Personally speaking, I'd say no. I wouldn't in your situation because you're not with a partner of the same sex right now and as you said it might just make for uncomfortable situation.
Though obviously if you want to come out then I'd say go for it regardless of having a partner or not!
But in my situation I identify as pansexual. I've never had a partner of the same sex, only heterosexual relationships. I know that to come out would cause me a lot of grief with my mum so I keep it quiet. I'd only come out if I had a partner who was same sex or identifying as same sex, but to be honest I am pretty sure that I am most comfortable in heterosexual r/ships. I am in a long term r/ship right now and I can see myself marrying him.
So in a long winded way my pansexuality is something that's mine, it exists in my head right now, and I'm happy for it to stay that way.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
I identify myself as bisexual and people mainly found out through me being in a same sex relationship, but since that ended last year the new people I've met at university do not know about my sexuality. I've never "come out" but if people ask or it comes up in conversation, I will share it with them if I feel they won't judge me, but I'm not completely open about it. As above, my sexuality is a personal thing to me and I don't feel that everyone has to know.
Although I was in a same sex relationship, in the back of my mind I want to marry the opposite sex. For me I think it's about children and being able to have my own, as that's a big thing for me. But I am still physically and emotionally attracted to women as I am men so I feel I am bisexual.
It's your choice - don't feel you have to tell people, but equally don't feel you have to keep it a secret. I hope that helps.
Thank you, both of you :) I think I'm going to keep it to myself unless I get in a same sex relationship, and even then I might want to keep that a secret. I'm not ashamed of it myself but for some reason I just can't see myself telling anyone. I feel more comfortable now that I know it's normal not to tell people. I thought maybe it wasn't healthy or something but I suppose that's only for homosexuals because they're living a lie whereas as a bisexual I'm not. Well thank you so much for the advice, I appreciate it!
"Tell me one last thing," said Harry. "Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?"
Dumbledore beamed at him, and his voice sounded loud and strong in Harry's ears even though the bright mist was descending again, obscuring his figure.
"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"
A bit late of a response... but I think coming out is both personal, and political. Only about 28% of adult bisexuals are out of the closet, while about 75% (roughly) of gay and lesbian adults are out of the closet. This does affect the media portrayal of bisexuals, as well as the popular discourse and social understandings of what bisexuality is and who is bisexuals and what bisexuals are like. So, from that standpoint, there are definitely strong reasons for bisexuals to be out about their orientation regardless of what gender their current partner is.
YET, as always, one needs to consider their own personal comfort and safety when looking at whether they want to come out or not. I would consider your family's opinions, friends opinions, partner(s) (if applicable) opinions, work place, school, sports, social groups... aka How would it affect you to come out? Cons AND pros. There are a lot of pressures, but also a lot of safeties that come with being in the closet. I would also consider what your goals are as far as being/not being involved in the queer community.
So, those are the things I considered. I just want you to know that as a closeted bisexual you are NOT alone - there are many, many, many bisexuals who feel similar/the same pressures to remain closeted regardless of their relationships. Even if you remain closeted for now, or forever, there are lots of resources available to you online and I'd encourage you to give them a cursory glance. I've found them interesting, helpful, and often enlightening.
Best wishes,
:)
Silence can be golden but gold can sometimes suffocate
Like that girl in that James Bond film, too late to respirate
Tragedy can be plain to see with lights and sirens
But sometimes it ain't quite so clear, Domestic Silence
~Scroobius Pip
Just to share a different perspective, I am openly bisexual/pansexual. As a teenager I did feel the need to come out to my friends. As an adult, I don't go out of my way to tell people but I always select it on diversity monitoring questionnaires, will mention both sexes when having conversations about who I find attractive etc. Because outwardly my relationship looks heterosexual, I am keen to make sure I'm not seen as straight. Politically I do think there is stigma against bisexuality, among both gay and straight people, and I sort of want to change peoples' perceptions when I can. For me it's important to stay true to myself and raise awareness that looking straight doesn't mean you are, but it is a very personal choice so I can understand anybofy's decision to keep it quiet.
