I just got diagnosed as borderline with narcissistic tenancies, and it feels like a stab in the chest. I always thought I was a nice person (guess that's the narcissist talking!).
I looked up narcissistic traits and they're really bad; sense of entitlement, exploitative, envious, arrogant and haughty.
I've looked up what other people have written about people with this diagnosis: angry, blaming, doesn't forgive, abusive, selfish, antagonistic, compulsive liar.
I feel like crying.
I really want to reject the diagnosis and keep thinking of all the ways it could not be true, like there are several really big mistakes in the letter and I was being bullied at the time of the assessment and maybe they didn't believe me and thought I was seeing things that weren't there.
The other part of me is thinking it must be true, so where do I go from here?
:(
I may be lost in the chasm between my goals and reality, but I'm floating gently across on a cloud.
Hi there, please don't be too disheartened by your diagnosis (easier said than done, I know). Having narcissistic tendencies does not make you bad or evil. I think many of us struggle with these traits at times. People who have narcissistic traits don't always have an 'inflated' sense of themselves - I do believe I've read that in some cases, they actually have very low self esteem and think that bad things happen because of them. I'm not wording this very well at all, sorry - partly because my understanding of it isn't very in depth.
Sometimes, narcissistic traits can actually be a good thing and help us get by in the world.
Have you been offered any therapy to help you increase your understanding of yourself and why you do things? I think this is much more important than diagnosis alone.
Thanks for that - yes I've been offered talking therapy, but I'm not sure if I can do it. The letter they sent me said that I was giddy, immature and manipulative. They also got information wrong or took it out of context and it reads like I'm some kind of psycho liar, I'm not sure I can open up to someone when they are writing things like that about me.
I may be lost in the chasm between my goals and reality, but I'm floating gently across on a cloud.
Have you asked what traits it was they diagnosed you on? I don't know about NPD but there are something like 256 combinations of BPD, so I'm guessing there's a similar amount for NPD (and you don't have to fulfill them all) and I think 'tendencies' means that you have some aspects, but not enough to meet to full criteria.
I think the fact that you care enough to be upset about it, means that you must have a good heart.
Also, as far as I know, it's pretty common to have traits of more than one PD.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
It didn't say what traits, just "narcissistic traits". I couldn't sleep well last night, spent a lot of time reading people's stories about narcissists, and borderline / narcissists seem to be the worst people on the planet: manipulative, cruel, raging and uncaring.
I use to think that I thought I was a horrible person and hated myself because I was depressed, now I realize it's because I am a horrible person.
I don't really know where to go from here or how to move forwards. Is there a self help group for recovering emotionally unstable narcissists? How do I stop hurting everyone? Can I recover without therapy? Are there any programs / books people can recommend to deal with my horrible personality?
Anyone know the road to "normal?" :(
I may be lost in the chasm between my goals and reality, but I'm floating gently across on a cloud.
I just wanted to say that if you truly were horrible and cruel and uncaring, then you wouldn't have made this thread and be worrying about your personality or about hurting people. Just these posts show me that you are NOT those awful things :)
I'm so sorry you are having such a negative experience both from the internet and professionals with regard to this diagnosis. Try to avoid too much browsing of the web to read about this- people often use the internet to rant more often than they do to say how nice other people are, so you get a biased perspective.
The comments on the letter you received are just the opinion of one person, and professionals can easily get the wrong impression of you but just run with it and write it down. My fiancée recently received her medical notes and they said all manner of unpleasant things about her and she is honestly one of the most delightful people ever (and that's not just me saying that, everyone I know likes her, and I swear my parents like her more than me :P) so I've come to the realisation that if professionals can write things like that about her, they can write them about anyone.
With regards to your diagnosis, BPD is a very common diagnosis on this site and people end up with the diagnosis in such a variety of ways and sometimes it seems like some psychiatrists diagnose anyone who is a white middle class female who self harms with BPD! What is more important than the diagnosis is whether or not the treatment will be helpful to you. It's worth researching the facility that diagnosed you and seeing if it offers DBT or MBT, and if so, researching those and seeing if you would find them helpful. DBT is thought to be particularly good, so in some ways a BPD diagnosis is helpful, as it gives you access to DBT.
It sounds like you were somewhat misunderstood in the appointment, and it would be worthwhile to raise these with the person who made the diagnosis.
In terms of moving forwards, if you ignore this diagnosis for a moment, what issues do you feel that you want help with? Is it your mood, your self-worth, relationships with others or something else? If your relationships with others aren't unstable or concerning, then it really doesn't matter that some random professional thinks you are manipulative.
Even if you do have some of the more negative traits of these diagnoses (who doesn't, to be fair!), the way I see it is personality disorders are the external walls and tools we develop to adapt to a difficult time in childhood/early adulthood and whilst they might be seen as negative personality traits, they were what we needed at the time to help us survive. They are also not permanent and can be worked on to help us alter the way we respond to our environment to let our true personality shine through.
Also, for what it's worth- you don't sound like a horrible person to me :)
I feel so sad for you that you got this in a letter, it sounds like they should have sat down and discussed it with you.
I have BPD too, and was told at point I was "typically BPD, manipulative and cruel" but the psych, which wasn't helpful at alllll. I too looked up peoples experiences and it hurt me so much, the best thing to do is just try not to, as difficult as it is, but it sounds like your self esteem is low and you don't need to put yourself through anymore my dear.
I'm currently enrolled on STEPPS for BPD. Which, is, well. Yes. It's something, time will tell how much it helps.
