My nephew is gone and I could do nothing

LittleCloud · 30-06-2014, 01:17 PM

My nephew is gone. Just over a week ago the family courts ruled that he should stay with his mother who assaulted me when my partner and I reported his neglect to community services. She snatched him from the school playground a week before the last court hearing on the assault. She was convicted of assault causing actual bodily harm and assault- not her first conviction- but the courts refuse to hear my brother in law's evidence on my nephew. That she left him for 3 days with drug dealers before he went in with the police to get him; that he was sick for weeks (we suspect she was giving him either oxycodone or valium as we saw the comedown too but didn't recognise it straight away); that he might barely pass his school year as he missed over 40% of school last year; that she will give him anything except true love; that we will never see him again because of the violence order against his mother; that she will let him be with noone but her. He will be 10 in two days. I worry what will happen in the future when her interest in him veers as it always has and he has noone. He was already discussing suicide methods when he was with us last August. I have no more hope for him. We tried to help her but she would not do anything for herself. Now she has him and he is gone too

Becca · 30-06-2014, 07:12 PM

I'm so sorry this has happened to you and your family.

LittleCloud · 01-07-2014, 02:04 PM

Thanks. I wish we could have seen earlier; I wish we could have done more... I wish for a magic wand to make it all better.....

Becca · 04-07-2014, 10:51 AM

I can relate with wanting a magic wand to make things better.
I'm sorry I haven't been back to reply to you before. I wanted to say don't beat yourself up. It sounds from your post like you did what you could when you found out. There are many people who do nothing when they find out about situations like this. Take care.

LittleCloud · 04-07-2014, 01:24 PM

Thanks. I don't know... we knew for years that something wasn't right but because of the distance we lived away we were always just guessing and knew we didn't have enough evidence for community services to believe us. We should have tried more; we did try but it was so hard when he is so scared she'll be taken away from him. He will say whatever it takes to stay with his mother....

Becca · 16-07-2014, 02:37 AM

I'm sorry for not replying sooner. You did do your best, from what you have written here and it is very very hard when her son is so desperate to be with his mum, even if it is a damaging relationship.

LittleCloud · 14-09-2014, 03:07 PM

Thanks Becca. I've been struggling to write an answer and it's just passed a year since the assault by my sister in law and since I last saw my nephew. Also other sad anniversaries and another death. I feel low and lost and am struggling with other things. My counsellor suggested I could put together a box of things and letters to give my nephew next time I see him so he knows I've been thinking of him. Every day is a struggle at the moment and I can't make it happen though

silentgirl · 15-09-2014, 01:52 PM

'hugs'

LittleCloud · 14-10-2014, 05:46 AM

Today I found out that my nephew's dogs both were given new homes (and are doing well) after my sister in law left them with our local animal shelter and we were not able to get them out (because of my sister in law) or keep them because of our own pets, work and having been forced to move and nearly to get rid of our own animals. My partner rang my nephew's father to pass on the news. I feel happy for the dogs, Jackson and Lewie (even heard from one of the owners and they are both doing well) but it also brings up so much sadness. My nephew has no sense of proportion on what has happened as he has essentially been brainwashed by my sister in law who is very unstable. I am trying slowly to unravel this grief and find hope for my nephew. I talk about it with my counsellor but it still feels so tender. I wish I could talk to my nephew. I wish I could tell him we are always here. I wish....

Becca · 14-10-2014, 08:44 PM

I'm so sorry. Please keep talking to your counsellor and to 'us' here. i have no advice sorry, I just didn't want to read this and not reply to you. Sorry.

LittleCloud · 17-10-2014, 02:12 PM

Thanks Becca. I appreciate it- every tiny reminder burns and burns when it happens. Had my car broken into and when I reported it at the police station was taken into the room I'd reported the assault in. Had a panic attack. I feel sick and dirty and violated and like there are so many things in the world I can do nothing for. Everything seems to remind me of Joe but from what I hear he is lost to us. I feel so unsafe at the moment- everything seems to make me jump and the pain and hopelessness is unreal. I couldn't tell my nephew about the dogs myself. I can't stop these bad things from happening. Maybe I cause them

LittleCloud · 05-12-2014, 11:24 AM

Christmas time and I'm feeling sad. It feels so raw that we couldn't keep my nephew safe. Bought A Christmas present which I will send to his dad for him- it can't be known it's from my partner and I. I can't ring. I won't know if he's still mad on rocks, minerals and dinosaurs, I won't hear what he got for Christmas... I won't know what he wants from the new year. I won't know if hope is going from him or "caring" for his mum and emotions is too much... I don't think he'll tell anymore

Time · 11-12-2014, 06:45 PM

I don't know what too say, you and your nephew are in my thoughts.

Sometimes miracles do happen.

It is hard and painful but don't give up!

Big hugs!

LittleCloud · 17-12-2014, 09:50 AM

Thanks Time. I'm sorry for not replying sooner but do really appreciate your reply. I just feel so sad, I'm finding it hard to keep going every day