liking hospital?

[Fred!]

I haven't ever been in hospital before as a patient (except the week I was born).
But just over a week ago, I ended up there
I then went back on Thursday night.

Thing is, I found it really nice to be there.
I wasn't exactly happy there, but it was a relief to be away from 'life' and all my usual triggers (I got triggered to SH but they were a lot easier to manage).
I was left to myself, I wasn't disturbed except for tests. If I had to do something (like have a test done) it was for my well-being, and there wasn't anyone nagging me to empty the dishwasher, or mow the lawn, or clear the kitchen table.

When I'm there, I want to get out, and go home. But right now, I know that if I have a certain urge, then I won't try too hard to resist it. (that scares me when I'm safe but I still can't get rid of my stuff in case I need it)


I just wondered if anyone else felt the same? Or similar? Or used to feel the same but doesn't any more? Or whatever tbh.

I hope I've put this in the right place. I'm very sorry if I haven't

[LionCondemned]

Hey Mary :)

When i was IP for a small amount of time when i was near dicharge i didnt want to leave as we would have trips out to alton towers, chester zoo, blackpool etc and it was a really good experience and i wouldnt managed to have done that at home, so i think it depends on the reaons you want to stay in hospital, for me i felt safer in hospital and i found that all my responsibilities were taken away.
However, hospital isnt real, its not a real environment compared to true life outside of hospital, and if i was asked to go back tomorrow i would say no.
i hope this helps a bit x

[Laura2.0]

When I was ip on the psych ward I was there for 3 months. They wanted to send me home just after 2 or 3 weeks but I told them that I don't feel safe at home so I got to stay there as long as I wanted. I was scared to go home, because I knew i would start shing there again. I told them about that, too.
I felt safe there and staff was really nice to me.
Now that I'm at home for more than 2 years I don't want to go back, but sometimes when I'm feeling unsafe because of trauma stuff I wish I could go back there.

[Fred!]

I've only been in to A&E and on the 'normal' ward. First time I got to A&E about 12.30 in the middle of the night, and then moved to the ward about 3.30am, then discharged about 5pm the same day (after seeing the crisis team)
Second time I got there about 11.30pm, and then to the ward about 2.30, then got discharged about 1.30pm after seeing the Mental Health Liaison Team, who spoke to my case manager, and have made sure that I have an appointment on Monday. They asked me if I can stay safe over the weekend. I said I wasn't sure (I'm not sure). I then had a liver function blood test (fine) and got sent home.
When I was there, it was nice to leave and come home, and I know that when the urges come again, I won't be thinking 'what will it be like in hospital, it will be awful, I don't want to go', I'll be thinking 'what can I do to stay there the longest?'

I think you're right Kat, it's the whole lack of responsibility, and just no worries thing. I did sort of SH the second time I was there, and both times had urges to hide in the bathroom and SH. But I know that's not very sensible. I was very close to pulling the cannula out, as it was driving me mad!
Thanks lovelies :)

*hugs*

[in_BPD_hell]

I really like being I'm hospital. I like the fact I feel safe. That I will be looked after. That I can't hurt myself. That I have no pressure or responsibility. That people who work there are paid to pretend to care so you have people to listen.
I know it's a false environment and we have to deal with life outside of it... But I understand completely xx

[when.will.it.end]

But the further down that road you get the more that changes. Hospitals are where people are seriously ill and often pass away. If you stay in one it's likely you're going to have to be around that. And if you start looking for ways to be in a hospital then it's likely going to be sh or something similar which is unsafe. And nurses and doctors are human and get things wrong as well, so really hospitals are that safe at all.

I understand the feeling you're talking about but it's not worth it, honestly.

[Snow White.]

I've felt similar in the past, about psych inpatient and in emergency, but as Katie says about it can also be a very unpleasant environment. Last time I was there someone was being violently ill and that was upsetting. If you keep harming yourself unfortunately the staff might get burnt out too and you might find the level of care change.

My feelings changed as I realised that although there was less responsibility there was also less freedom. I missed my freedom and ability to do what I needed to. I hope one day you get there too. Please stay safe and maybe think about other ways you could reduce the feeling of responsibility on you once in a while xx

[sherlock holmes]

I totally understand how you feel. I have experience of being in A&E, a general ward after surgery and psych wards.

It does feel like you're being looked after and cared for, and it feels nice! Well, it feels nice to begin with. But actually hospitals aren't 'safe'- it's perfectly possible to feel distressed, self harm, and even commit suicide in hospital.

I think perhaps you're looking for a place where you can escape your problems and go somewhere that you are unable to hurt yourself in any way. Unfortunately a place like this does not exist- you have to create somewhere at home that can be your safe place. You need to learn to feel safe in your own mind.

It's also extremely unhelpful for you to seek ways in which responsibility is taken away from you. It means that you are not learning to cope with how you feel and relying on others to make you feel better. Long term this will not work and you'll actually feel worse. The best way you can deal with this is to learn how to cope at the same time as being at home, in the community. Are you currently receiving any therapy or coping skills etc?

[Fred!]

atm, I'm doing an 'Emotional Regulation' group, which I didn't want to go to. I hardly speak there except when I really have to. I spoke last week but only because there was about half the usual number of people there. I don't like groups. I don't like people. I can't really engage with the group, because anxiety levels are so high when I'm there, all I can think about is getting away. But I'm going to prove to my case manager that I will do something to help myself. Next week is the last week, and I'm not too pleased cos even though I don't like being there, it's sort of nice too. It makes me get out of the house, and do something ;)
Also, weekly I am meant to go to the gym group, but last week I got to the changing room and couldn't get any further. Couldn't even get dressed.

Other than that, there isn't anything from the mental health services. Mum has got so fed up that she's now paying for me to go to see a private therapist, but we're moving house soon, so it will be too far for me to travel to see her unless I find seeing her really helpful (I've only been to see her 3 times so far)

Gym group and ER group are both on Wednesdays.

Following the 2 trips to hospital, my case manager has now decided she will see me tomorrow. And the psychiatrist. (The Mental Health Liaison Team called her on Friday)

I'm not really sure I want to see her as I don't particularly trust her. But there's not really an alternative atm.

[Steel Maiden]

I hated IP. The only way they can make me go ever again is through the police. Just like last time. They forced me to go, requiring four police officers.